In defense of my kid,
So I blog about frustration a lot, because this is a safe place to do so, more or less. I've blogged about various family members on vacation recently, and it was frustrating to have them assume the worst about my guy. Who am I dfending him to? Oh, my family, some random internet strangers, myself, a world that expects the worst...You know what? With the exceptions that are the subject of my blog, my kid is amazing.
He's three years and three months old. He uses the toilet all by himself without promting, and has very few accidents. We didn't push it. It was his idea. He can recognize his name in print. He uses scissors with much skill, and can do intricate things with his fingers that people tell me he shouldn't be able to do. He is *strong* and fast. He's forty pounds of well-coordinated muscle.
He is a *kind* person, and empathetic. I cannot stress this enough. He asks his friends why they are sad when they are sad. He tries to make them feel better. This is his idea. His father and I are careful and concious to never put him in the position of having to be our emotional caretakers. He's engaging, askes people what they think. He shares, unpromted most of the time. He is helpful. He is curious. He tests boundaries in the areas where they are fuzzy. He has good instincts most of the time- you can just tell. I pray his intuition about the world remains intact.
He is so very, very smart. He remembers things. His vocabulary is huge (OK, his dad and I can take a lot of credit for this one). He notices so much. His imagination is expansive.
I've never hit this child. I've never "needed" to, nor seen any instance where it would have made anything better. He rarely lashes out physically (Only recently - testing the line between a hit and a pat). He knows to hit a pillow or use words. Mamas, my boy uses his words.
I could pretend I have a lot to do with this, and I do parent him respectfully, firmly, with explaination and never lying, and I value his point of view. The truth is that I'm just a guide and the gleaming core of who he is is his own.
gonna slap you.
Sometimes I am worried I give a bad impression of dh to friends, fam and the online world. It's easier to bitch than gloat, I guess.
Your son sounds awesome, and all of your complaints always sound to me like normal mama (well, you know what I mean about he normal thing....) frustrations.
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope - Martin Luther
Sunflower the unflower
I have noticed that other people tend to forget that when we are complaining to friends and family or on our blog, we are just venting, that does mean that our children/husband/friends/ random subject of said ranting sucks in everyway possible, just that we are venting our frustrations. I have tried to explain this several times, but as with all else, people hear what they want to. Now, I just shurg and walk away....
The Hipmama Quote of the week:
"I have noticed that the people who have called me 'strong' are the exact same people who will pile the shit on that requires me to act strong in order to survive."
-mrs. sauce
"But is it my manner that keeps her from hearing, or the threat of a message that her life may change?"
-Audre Lorde
no need at all. worrying about your child, which may include some complaints, in the detail you do it, shows that you kick ass as a mother. to suggest you don't, that you don't know what you can expect from kids, or that the subjects of your complaints indicate that your kid isn't being parented effectively, well let's just say that doesn't represent what we all think. most of us know that we all have weak moments, and those are the moments that tend to make the most entertaining anecdotes, and therefore make it into the blogs. don't let poorly worded responses get to you. take any one of our blogs, piece them together, and you'll find a rather skewed version of our realities. you bear no responsibility to balance your blogs, write what you feel. we get you.
"I've done a lot of things in my life I ain't too proud of, and the things I am proud of are disgusting." - Mo Szyslak
is a Good Boy. Period. Moms and wives are allowed to vent. Better to vent than explode.
http://www.susanelizabeth.squarespace.com
From this and past posts, he sounds pretty amazing.
Boomer is so 2005.
that I feel like he's doing it all on his own..sometimes he just blows me away with his sensitivity/kindness/intelligence/humor, and I think "I did that??I had something to do with that????" and then he'll fart and sniff it and the moment of nostalgia is WAAAAAAAAAAY gone....
But seriously, I think that I'm just lucky to be along for the ride while DS#1 is picking which of "my stuff" to keep and what to discard...he's such an individual, and really I'm just the cheerleader/coach/waterboy....just happy to be there, wondering how it all gets done/watching it come together, making sure he doesn't die of dehydration....
I've read your blog for a while now and I think you are a good mama. I liked reading the good things about him, please post more. He sounds like a sweet, funny and happy boy. Don't let one or two people ruin this site for you or make you feel all defensive. Some people just don't know how not to come across as a smug know it all even when that is not their intention. Overall I think most mamas here know we all go through rough times and are willing to be supportive of each other.trula mama zine * for the kiddies
Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art~don Miguel Ruiz
Oh sweetie! I love you too!
trula mama zine * for the kiddies
Every human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art~don Miguel Ruiz
Your kid can be an angel all day, strangers admiring them on the street, your child kindly shares with and protects smaller children, you get a great report from the care provider... But at the end of the day, if there's shit on the wall, it's what mama's gonna blog about.
And, when his world is a little off, mine lets the whole world know about how much he hates it, but won't explain what it is, he'll just be a little spaz. We don't think your kid is bad and we don't think you are a bad mom.
I talk/vent/try to figure things out a lot about more older daughter with friends and family because she is not someone I always understand and she can be a real challenge. Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I am being too harsh about her or that I don't appreciate her strengths. I can feel really defensive about that-yet that doesn't keep me from processing about her. I need to for me and for her. I think that because I am a good parent I am often thinking about how I can better manage and teach her. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? My situation's perhaps a bit complicated too by the fact that I have a second child who seems (so far)to be not as intense and whose actions and behaviors I can relate to more and I can communicate with her more easily. I feel like people think I like her better or something-not the case at all of course.
One of those things I never understood until I had two kids was that I would have a seperate and different relationship with each. Obvious I know but I didn't know what that meant until I experienced it. It makes perfect sense to me that I have friends with whom things normally go really smoothly and then some that take more effort, why not the same for my kids? It's not that one loves one child more than the other, first of all how do we measure love? Love for your children seems to have such depth and be so rich. It is filled with happiness and anger and fatigue and amazement and tenderness and frustration and about a million other things. I feel like we love our children differently as we may relish different things about them or get frustrated about different things about them.
What I know is that I love my girls, I love our family unit and how they play together and how they are different and how they are the same. I know that my older daughter is super smart, vivacious, loving, a great older sister, into school, etc... and that she likes to test the limits and has been fairly consistently a real challenge since the week befor she was born (long labor). I know that I do end up feeling guilty about discussing her sometimes with people but that I shouldn't. I'll admit that I don't know if there's a specific post that you are responding to-but I want to say keep on talking about what's on your mind on this mama site. This is what it's for.
Rennes
I think your son sounds like he has a great sense of humor and is bright as hell. Sometimes your stories about him sound so familiar - like they could be about my son in the future. Oh and by the way, I think it is fine you carried through with your threat about the ballon. Next time he will take you seriously and you won't have to carry through.
I always find myself sounding so exasperated and whiny and bitchy about my son when I talk to other mothers - I end up feeling like they think "damn - her kid is psycho - where's the ritalin?" or maybe they would use some nice term like oppositionaly defiant or some shit like that. Anyway, my son is different from most of the kids I have met - he is funny, aggressive and fearless and does not even consider there might be a "box" to think inside of. If we can survive childhood I think he will end up being a very bright, interesting, funny young man. IF we can get through childhood without me clobbering him or just leaving town.
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