Freedamomma, about your middle son. Given what you wrote, if it were me, I'd send him on to first grade. Do you know your oldest child's IQ, by any chance? Siblings are usually quite close to each other in IQs. Many of the things in this list are also signs of "gifted" children, and to keep bright children back another year seems like a potential mistake. I have heard of this disorder and know two families who then used occupational therapists (different ones) to help their children. I don't know much else other than both kids are boys, both are gifted, both drove their families crazy with wondering about their sons. Their therapies were interesting, different for both boys, but included things like spinning, swinging, and other exercises. One started in preschool, one started at the end of kindergarten. Both stayed in their grade, although there was talk for both of holding the boys back. They're both doing fine at their proper grade levels. I know this is not a scientific study, just based on these two children. My gut feeling is that you possess a well above average intelligence and your children likely will, too. (Of course, how could I really know?) So I base all of this on my gut feeling and those two families. Good luck!

I think I am going to take him to the Ear Nose, and Throat doctor for the adenoids thing, and for the Central Auditory Processing Disorder testing. At least those things are possible seriously recognized medical issues, and I would feel comfy about getting a diagnosis or lack of diagnosis on those things. As far as the Sensory Stuff, and the OT and PT-that decision has been made for me. If the insurance won't $$$ then, I can't do it. I am broke. I was really comfortable with having him retained in Kindergarten, however, he now really, really, really wants to go first grade. I have tried selling it to him, and will continue to try selling the idea of repeating to him, but, I don't know if it will be possible. I don't want to destroy his self esteem. The school kept saying it would probably be no big deal to him, but it really is a big deal. If he didn't care it would be different, but he does care, and he is really upset at the thought of repeating. This kid already has some low self confidence. The visit to the developmental pedi was helpful in that it gave me more confidence, that if I DO decide to let him go to first grade with support like reading recovery, I won't feel that it is a task that is completely impossible for him to accomplish. The IQ testing as well as the academic testing that the doc gave are there as a support for me and the school to know that this child is capable, but just may need a little nudge. Perhaps, whether I agree with the doc or not, she would be helpful in that she is willing to write a letter to the school. If she writes a letter to the school, they will be put in a position where they feel it more necessary to put supports in place to help him succeed. I am also working with him at home. I found a sitter for my baby, and I take him to her for half day, and we are doing our own summer school. Thank you for all the advice, especially from the mamas who have gone through similar. I really needed some help thinking this through, and my DH is being an ostrich about the whole thing.

Hipmama Quote of the Week:
"She actually begged me to act normal on several occasions."
-Lady Kaboom

"i say forget the docs, your gut is the expert. the more you drag him to docs, the more he will believe there is something wrong with him and that will become a huge hurdle.***"

on one hand I agree with this. It's all quackery, baby. But actually my first thought was take him to another dr, get a second opinion. Maybe don't even mention the SID or whatever, why lead?? I bet that dr comes up with something different.

Your dr, having completed 21 years of school and being academically and achievement driven in a way that your average Joe is not--may have a personal bias about delaying school.

My sister and mom went through this last year. They did decide to send her to first grade. She still (end of the year, now) seems more immature than her peers...but she is doing alright and will likely catch up....who knows if they made the right choice or not. When she's older I'm sure she'll be glad to be graduating when she does. On the other hand, she might had a better school experience if she'd waited.

They say by about 3rd grade, there is no difference in kids who went to preschool and kindergarden, and those who didn't.

I think you are a considerate and wonderful mom. I think you will make the right choice. If I were you I might do some praying or meditating on it, ask for some guidance...I don't know if you vibe with that kind of thing or not...but I'm sure you have some way of tuning in to your own inner voices that will help you do what is best for your ds.

sounds like this diagnosis should be placed on the school rather than the students. my extremely biased opinion is that the public schools are failing big time. they are full of good hearted teachers whose hands are tied by bueracracy(sp?). the system is too big to acomidate the students.

the diagnosis is obvious, this year of school did not work well for your son. i know a five year old is not a reliable source, but what would he like to do? has anyone asked? i bet that he is a highly inelegent boy who hasnt adjusted to the classroom setting. are there things you can do this summer to get him ready for the classrooom?

****i say forget the docs, your gut is the expert. the more you drag him to docs, the more he will believe there is something wrong with him and that will become a huge hurdle.***

if your family feels that doing kindergarten again is best for him, great. treat it like a fun happening, downplay the hinderances and focus on overcoming them this summer.

Hey there! Be sure to read the e-mail I sent you referencing this subject. Go with the doctor for now; this is a firm statement. If nothing else, you can change your plans with the school at the last minute. You ultimately hold all the cards. If for some reason the doctor's theory proves to be quackery and this doesn't prove to help your son, you can always tell the school you have changed your mind. However, I do believe this doctor is on to something. The exact details may change a bit, but I sincerely believe she is taking competent steps. You are aware of my own medical history. I have spent years privately studying the central nervous system and various environmental factors that influence it. I have assigned variables to symptoms, fluctuations in environment and homeostasis, and a multitude of other things. I have plotted and graphed these variables against each other looking for any consistencies. Now, I know that I am only one human and do not represent the general population. However, there is a definite link between my respiratory system and my largest symptoms. This condition the doctor is proposing for your son sounds much like what I term "sensory overload." Medical professionals can term it quackery if they wish, but I know for a fact that the symptoms are very real. Please keep in mind that the many people in the medical profession tend to term anything they do not have a ton of statistical data to support "quackery." There are still doctors who do not recognize chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia as "real" conditions. There are still neurologists that insist Multiple Sclerosis does not cause pain. I am not sure why people are SO ignorant as to contend that the complexities of the human body do not exist if we have not been so clever as to find a test for it. Medicine is nowhere near as advanced as the average person would like to believe. So, the doctor had a firm reason for thinking the child had a respiratory problem. She did not pull that one out of thin air, no pun intended. Respiratory problems DO cause central nervous system disruptions. Now, it may come to be that there is nothing wrong with his adnoids. The respiratory system can be diminished by a multitude of things. However, something is diminishing his system. Given this, disruption in his sensory integration is highly likely. I am certain that if you query "assay oxygen deprivation" that you will find numerous scientific reports on studies detailing multiple symptoms at various rates of diminished oxygen capacity. *Just in case you do not know, although you probably do, "assay" is not a typo; an assay is an actual laboratory report. Go with this doctor and consider yourself blessed that you have a doctor that cares so much. Even if she turns out to be on the wrong track, the route she is taking will prove this and most likely lead to results. She is not a quack. Keep on pushing forward and get our boy where he deserves to be. Don't second guess yourself, you're doing a great job.

i would definitely investigate the adenoid dealy, like sunflower was saying last time you posted about this.

personally, i would get several expert opinions before forming my own. start fighting the kindergarten retention now if you have to in order to succeed if necessary, but if after all of the testing it appears that leaving him in kindergarten is best, then just go ahead and do it.

"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now.... Only much, much better." - Laurie Anderson

Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Disorder is not empirically proven by general research. Supposedly it can "only" be "diganosed" by Speech or Occupational Therapists. Most insurance companies do not cover the "therapies". Very touchy-feely and ambiguous.

You are correct, the "signs and symptoms" are pretty vague and cover a huge range of what can be a normal continuum of child development.

Have been through similar stuff with #2 Son and Repeating Kindergarten.If I had to do it over, would have just kept him out of school an extra year and had him start K at 6yo. He repeated Kindergarten and the sequelae was really horrible: chronic low self-esteem in what was a very confident, happy kid. Still mucho problems in 1st Grade. Still not reading.Developed an anxiety disorder re: reading! Paid out the ass for bazillion tests with assorted Educational Shrinks, and Dev.Peds. Results? "Processing Disorders" and recommendation for Special Ed. for low IQ..and of course, $$ therapies to be provided by (surprise!)Ed. Shrinks, but not covered by insurance.Yeash!

Followed our "gut" and had school test him.Did not share our $$$$ Shrink results. Turns out he's Gifted and has NO processing delays.Instead, he was negatively comparing himself to his older, Gifted Bro. and simply refused to even try to read if could not read the 800+pg Harry Potter tomes brother reads. Placed in intensive 1:1 Reading Recovery. Now reading at Grade Level and doing 4th grade science and math; 8th grade social studies. He's finishing up 1st grade and ready for 2nd. Likes school, again.

Something funny happened: He learned to read and his confidence/ self-esteem, and school performance have gone through the roof. He had mucho friends and is back to being my happy, social kid. The rest of the "Processing" issues? Maturation has solved.

My advice? If you do opt to retain, be EXTREMELY proactive and force the school to have a written rememdiation plan with Reading Recovery, as part. Counselling at SCHOOL to deal with esteem issues/relating to peers. Make sure he's enrolled/involved in something outside of school where he can excel- art, sports, whatever- and feel good about himself.If possible, have him repeat K with the SAME teacher, provided you liked her/him. We can now joke that we liked the K teacher boys had "so much, we went back a third time!"

Keep an upbeat attitude and let your son know how much you love him and are proud of him "no matter what".If you need to vent, em me at susanelizabeth1010@yahoo.com.

http://www.susanelizabeth.squarespace.com

As I give what will likely be an unpopular opinion... I don't think you should hold him back. He may change a lot over the summer -- especially if you get your arms around what you can do to help him. If he is still lagging after 1st grade, maybe you could consider holding him back then. Of course, I am not there experiencing what you are and I don't even know your boy so I could be way off-base. That is just what my gut tells me. I would use holding him back a grade as a last alternative.

Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the best!!

If it makes you feel any better...My boy has #s4,5,10
And really, what kid doesn't? I have issues with "diagnosing" small children with things like "sensorimotor integration disorder". It smacks of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is actually depression 90% of the time. It seems like a catch all.
That said, there is nother wrong with keeping your pup back a year. It happens quite often and that way he will be able to write his own excuse slips when he's a senior.
If naythign maybe he figures the schoolthign out in a year or two and gets bumped back up. Who's to say? But labels suck. "oh, he has "sensorimotor integration disorder"... you'll have to go easy on him." I would go in for second opinion at least.

I would agree to have him tested more/worked on by the docs, while at the same time keeping him back a year.

I'd take that doctor with a grain of salt, because she played some kind of "neglecting my child" head game on you. Just because she may be into quackery, doesn't mean some of the treatments (if they involve homework instead of medication) couldn't be useful.

When I was a kid I went to speech therapy. I guess my family decided that I needed a little help, and if doctors wanted to put a label on that it was ok, we just wouldn't take it really seriously. We'd try to get out of the doctors a little improvement. Maybe you could try taking a similar attitude? That the school advancement isn't in the doc's "jurisdiction", but that your son could still learn a few valuable techniques for integrating sensory stimulation, maybe?

Generally, unless someone is already the largest child in their class, I think most people are better off staying back a year. My son could have gone into kindergarten a year earlier, but I just held him out for the hell of it. Neurotic freaks in the Chicago suburbs are holding their kids out so that they can be bigger, but still put on the younger kid's soccer teams that are divided by grade. Being oldest can be cool.

***It's life Jim...but not as we know it***

And I forgot to say:

GOOD LUCK.

I can tell that you love your kid and will do the right thing here, what ever it is

It looked like my daughter was going to be dianosed with Nonverbal Learning Disorder when we first started having her tested at 4 years old. She is currently 7 and has a diagnosis of Aspergers, which I believe to be correct.

I think what I would tell you is to go with your gut. I knew that Kass had SOMETHING going on, because she was brillant when it came to intellect (reading at 3 1/2, doing 100 piece puzzles at four, memorizing dinosaur facts that only a scientist would know), but thoroughly unable to funciton in a group of her peers. We had tantrums, biting, running and hiding - it was horrible. Despite my mama instinct, I let my mother (who is an ostrich when it comes to these things) convince me to hold off on testing and let her "get used" to school (she had been in school for 6 months at this point and it was progessively getting worse). When I finally did decide that it was time to work on figuring her out, it took over a year, three doctors and one tonsil surgery to be sure. It also took me talking to specialists (who were friends of friends or friends of relatives) and doing a lot of internet research. I actually stumbled on Aspergers after talking to one of thoses friends of relatives type folks who mentioned NLD which sounded close but not right and then googling it.

Ok, I've totally rambled on here, but what I am trying to convey is that you need to really know what you think about the situation before you make decisions. Read as much as humanly possible about the disorder. Talk to as many good folks as you can to gain knowledge. Be sure that you trust your doctors or get some new ones. Look into a parental support group in your area or on line (this has been a lifesaver for me). That being said, also remember that a little occupational therapy won't HURT your child in the interim.