When I was a kid, and I had to go to "Sunday School", it always struck me as odd that the supposedly Christian kids in my SS class were so fucking mean and violent. It didn't seem very "Christian" to me to get hit. As I got older and I (still) went to church, because my mom did, and because I had weird hair and was very alone and I thought I needed to redeem myself, I saw kids there who I knew drank and did a shit-ton of drugs, swore like sailors, dry-humped in the halls at school, and shoplifted, but who, on Sunday, acted like they were all pious and shit. It seemed kinda silly to me for people to act one way all during the week and then sing hymns and eat bread cubes and drink grape juice (Protestant) for an hour one day of the week, and call themselves "Christians".
I also had a problem with my ex, who justified not getting divorced from his wife to marry me, the mother to two of his children, because he (Catholic) would not be able to eat wafers and drink raisin juice. It didn't seem to bother him, the fact that he was breaking his wedding vows. It didn't bother him at all that our children would never be able to get baptized, because they were "bastards", because he fucked me while he was still married to his wife. He still wanted me to go to Mass with him, because he was a "Christian".
Now, I've had the nauseating opportunity to have a Tea Baggin' (snicker) "Christian" tell me that the UC Berkeley students who got billyclubbed in the belly deserved it because they are "adults" who "chose to be there". I've also had Crazy Christians tell me that it was right and proper for random anti-choice people to target my kid's school with huge posters of chopped up babies, because my (lesbian, honors student) needed to be "educated" about the "reality" of abortion...and that their message was so important that it was okay to traumatize the kids on the way out of school.
Once, a few years ago, I was having a conversation with Earl L, who owned Earl's Beauty Supply in South Berkeley, when I was living in a cooperative housing situation (pronounced kom-yoon). His shop has since been swallowed up by Urban Redevelopment (pronounced jen-truh-fi-key-shuhn). He's an African-American fellow. We talked about how the so-called race wars are nothing but a way to keep poor people separated and fighting amongst ourselves. And that, for a long time, keeping black folks poor meant that it was easy for the powers that be, aka the 1%, to quickly identify who was poor, but that 1% has gotten so greedy that they can't keep straight who's poor. And we're all fighting over table scraps. This conversation happened about 12 years ago. Smart man, that Earl.
When I considered myself a Christian, I was crazy. That was when I was with the FAX. I bought into it--I was raised that way. And after I had a kid out of wedlock (L-Dawg), I figured I had to work harder to redeem myself than when I just had weird hair. However, something snapped when I found out I was pregnant with T-dizzle. Because the 6 months prior to that, I had a major surgery that left me supposedly in menopause, but then I got pregnant, but the FAX wanted me to have an abortion and would keep me up at night, yelling about it. I read the book of Job (pronounced jobe), thinking that it would make sense to me. At the end of that fucking shit, let me tell you, Job never loses faith in God, and that what "matters". Not the fact that his wife died, or his kids. He doesn't give a shit about that. The story ends with Job restored to health, with a new family and twice as much livestock. Because wives and children are replaceable, right?
And what does that crazy shit mean to a young woman who is pregnant with a "miracle" baby, and who's partner is abusing her because of it? Nothing. Not a fucking thing. It's bullshit.
It took me a long time, even after I walked away from Crazianity myself, to look at it from the point of view of the possibility that it's ALL BULLSHIT. Even to think, "Wow, what if there isn't a god, at all?" (rather than "This doesn't work for me"), and then to look at the bibble stories from that viewpoint, much as it's interesting to read ancient "scholarly articles" arguing in favor of a flat Earth, with the Earth at the center of the Solar System. (What if the Earth really is ROUND, and the Sun is at the center--as it is, I'm not giving away the end of the story there--what does it mean about the people who made up convoluted arguments in favor of flatness hundreds of years ago? What does it mean about Flat Earthers now?) It took a long time to remove the haze myself, and still, for a long time I was willing to say that there are Xians who are good people, or who are working for the betterment of humanity. But then I got real about that, as well, because I don't think that I've ever really met one. For the most part, the Xians I've met have been assholes, and always slightly creepy or slightly awkward or something.
In the past couple of years, I've been watching a lot of old movies, because I get that old movie channel on my idiot box. Now that I'm not a Xian, I'm more aware of how hard Hollywood has worked to create this image of a "good" Xian. The "light of heaven" (pronounced suhn) streaming through the clouds, the "angelic voices" (pronounced yoon-yuhn myoo-zish-uhnz), the upward gaze, the supposedly reformed alcoholic who credits it to "god", and on and on. Writers, editors, directors, composers, producers, special effects people, not to mention actors. Really, this image has been pounded into my brain, and our collective conscience, since the 30's or 40's.
Since Occupy, I've come to understand that Christians are crazy. And (this comes back to my conversation with Earl), the powers that be have been throwing out this Xianity thing for a while, to see who bites. Who "believes" it. Who adopts it as their belief system. Who is willing to make up convoluted arguments as to why it's valid. Because it is an utterly fucking crazy belief system, it is also a handy way to identify who is CRAZY.
Christians are crazy. Not "a little loopy", but scary and unbalanced both mentally and emotionally. They are mean and violent. They are willing to toss aside anyone who gets between them and their god (pronounced kal-vin klahynz), be it Iraq, their spouse, their child, a college kid, an elderly lady...and they are also easily swayed because their brains are used to accepting patent lies as plausible. That is why they seem slightly creepy or awkward or something. Because they are crazy (kuh-rey-zee).