for some reason this morning i was thinking about some of the shitty things people have said to me throughout my life and whether they affected me or not, and i really started wondering what other people's *WORSTS* are. it's interesting to me how differently people are affected by words; i may not be too bothered by one mean-spirited thing someone could say to me, but someone else could be sent into a tizzy over that same thing, you know? or vice versa; an insult that someone else shrugs off could be something that would make me make me collapse in tears. and sometimes it's not that actual words that do/don't hurt; oftentimes it's the intent behind them.
i was once called a "white trash, welfare, amount-to-nothing, baby-trapping assfuck" by someone i had been friends with for years and had a falling out with. it didn't even upset me too much, but i'd still consider it one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me because the intention was so hateful and cruel. he said those words because he THOUGHT they would be incredibly hurtful, even thought the result was far less dramatic than what he had intended. (btw, this person is NOT a part of my life anymore! he was the kind of 'friend' who had been making me feel shitty for a long time, and that i was starting to realize wasn't a great person in general. at the point that he said this to me i had no intention of ever speaking to him again, anyway, so his classy remark just cemented my decision for me.)
anyway...coincidentally, after i was thinking about the way people 'label' us can affect us, i logged on here to check some of my old posts and see if there were any new comments i hadn't seen. and as it turns out, there was an *interesting* new comment after one of my posts from a couple months ago; it was about how noa's destructive toddler tendencies were grating on me and i was at my wits' end, and the comment that was left (by someone who it turns out has never posted at hip mama, ever, besides this ONE comment! wtf?!) accused me of being neglectful of noa and of (and i quote directly) "viewing her as merely an accessory or burden. well, unless you're willing to give her up for adoption, you'll need to face these challenges with a better attitude or you will lose. your. shit."
OUCH, right?! now, i know that this coming from a judgemental stranger who doens't know me, and i'm pretty sure that he/she hasn't read my other posts or i don't think they would have still come to that conclusion, but still...ouch. it caught me totally off guard and made me feel very unsure of myself for a minute; it made me wonder about the way i come off, and whether that comment was my own fault for the way i presented myself in my post. and then i remembered "whoa, dude, if you let everyone in the world's negative opinion of you as a person and parent actually bother you, you're going to be pretty fucking miserable! chill out, ame! it doesn't matter what strangers think of your parenting or feelings!" and then i felt better, and actually did chill out. so this is another example of one of those times that i think the INTENTION was much worse than the actual RESULT.
so why is it that sometimes we're able to let the mean-spirited things people say to us just roll right off our backs without so much as flinching, and other times we're wounded and extensively hurt by them? what's the *worst* thing anyone has ever said to you, and do you consider it to be the worst because of how it actually affected you, or because of the intention the person had when saying it? (ps- i posted this question on facebook earlier but nobody really took it seriously. i'd love some honest input from the mamas here, just for curiosity's sake! xoxo)