ugh, what is my deal?!

weirdmama's picture

He sent me a couple casual texts yesterday just saying he hoped noa and I were enjoying the summery weather. That was fine and didn't bother me at all. But then this morning I got a text at 8 that said "good morning! I hope you guys have a great day :)". Totally sweet and innocent, right? Well, for some reason it made me feel all crazy and smothered and overwhelmed. So I sent him back one that just said "you too" and I got back "thanks, cutie. I hope I see you again soon...I had so much fun the other night!"

And it's true; we had a great time. It was fun. But I do NOT like the fact that he called me "cutie." It reminds me of smarmy guys in bars who slink up and say "heyyy, cutie. Whatcha drinking?". And even though he's NOT a sleazy guy in a bar, the word still doesn't sit well with me. I'm almost 30; I don't think I qualify as a "cutie" anymore, do I?

He's a really good guy-- funny, sweet, kind of goofy-- but I'm by no means looking to jump into a relationship. Thinking about making out with him does make me stomach feel a little funny (in a good way) but thinking about him geting in the habit of sending me texts all the time and calling me "cutie" makes me instantly freak out. So it it just that I'm not ready for a relationship in general, or is it that I'm just totally fucked in the head and only really fall for guys that I know will end up treating me like shit? Or is this just not the right guy for me? I've always believed that if something someone does makes you want to run away, it means they're probably not the right person to be with, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, shia labeuof could take me to dinner and show me the time of my life but if he called me "cutie" I might run the other way, you know?

So am I going to end up like elaine on seinfeld? Like, "oh, I can't see him again because he likes country music" or "I broke it off because I found out he watches 'who wants to be a millionaire'" or "he called me cutie; I'm all set"?

I think the first thing I need to do is talk to this guy. He's given no indication at all that he wants to jump into anything, but the thought that he COULD be feeling that way scares the shite out of me. So I think I should give him the "I love spending time with you and we have so much fun together, but can we just leave it at that for now?" speech, which is never any fun. And what's the right way to say "so you can still come over and watch 30 rock and make out on the couch with me, but only every now and then, and you can't text me good morning or call me cutie or it's done"? I think only crazy bitches like myself think this way, so there may be no "nice" way to explain it to him.

So am I doomed to forever be an emotional invalid who runs screaming from nice guys who try to show me some positive attention, or is there hope still that I can learn how to open up a little and let down my guard?

This is why every now and then I think it wouldn't be so bad to be alone forever. Life's less complicated when you don't have to worry about romantic interaction with people. But it's also a lot less fun, and a lot less interesting, and a lot less HUMAN. Eh, I suppose I'll figure it all out eventually.


Enelesn's picture
Submitted by Enelesn on

Stop freaking out and breathe.
I would be kinda freaked at all of the texts. I don't like my phone being blown up by anyone unless there is an emergency.
So, just play it cool. Don't instantly respond to all texts. And be chill. Hopefully he will get the cue and chill himself. And you guys could still watch 30Rock and make out and do so as oftne as YOU like, but just be cool and be sure he knows that you are not gaga over him by showing that you do other things, not just hang out ot wait for him. I would think most guys would LOVE something casual.
Good luck :)

denessasma's picture
Submitted by denessasma on

hmm i would say save the speach he hasn't really indicated he's wants to get engaged or anything more like he's a thoughtful guy and how he is thinking of you. i'm a texter and text folks like crazy the best way to get him to stop that if you don't like it is to not text back.maybe 8 is when he gets up and goes to work or whatever, i used to text folks at 5 in the am cuz i was at work already even if i knew those people were sleeping that was when i had time to say what i wanted.i think you're reading a little too much into it. weren't you one the horny mamas a few posts ago? here's a chance to help that situation.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

dahlia's picture
Submitted by dahlia on


You are adorable! Of course you are a cutie! You could be 79 years old, you are still going to be cute. Take it slow. You're just getting out of something bad; I'm assuming he knows this. He knows you're a mother. He knows.

I found myself explaining all this stuff to DH when we were first starting to date; even apologizing to him - he informed me that he was quite aware of the situation. I wasn't even sure if I wanted anything at all to do with a relationship, I just wanted to hang out and get laid every now and then. Then every night. Ha!

Any man who is worth being around you is going to be cool with that. Remember this. He is lucky to be around you. You are not an emotional invalid.

Frankly, if you were up and running and totally ready to fall in love and have no issues whatsoever right now; I'd be wondering if there was something wrong.

Reverend Mother's picture

That's good news.

Don't freak out. Don't read more into the text than is there. You don't have to respond right away (or even to every one). Its actually better that way - keeps him interested. He's not asking you to marry him tomorrow, he's just telling you he'd like to see you again. It's what good guys do.`

weirdmama's picture
Submitted by weirdmama on

it's been awhile since i've even kissed someone so just making out like kids was *wonderful*. i believe i was being too optimistic about my capacity to engage in "no strings attatched" sex when i made that horny mama post, though...i WISH i could just hop into bed with this guy, but if i'm already worrying about his feelings (and mine) after just hanging out for an evening and not even getting to third base, it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do i suppose.

but then again, if he's here and tries to take my pants off there's a chance i wouldn't say no. see? sex is complicated, even when we don't want it to be!

yoginisinglemama's picture

i dated this guy last summer (who quickly convinced me i had no business dating for a WHILE) who was very sweet, eager to get serious and he would do that several times a week, especially the morning after we had hung out. like 7:30 am probably as he was getting ready to leave for work, send me a text that said, "good morning sweetie". i kid you not! kinda similar to the cutie thing he also said to me one time "awwww, little [my name}". excuse me? i'm a grown woman. i may be short and petite, but i can hold my own. his intentions were fine from his end but those two things alone put me off. if it feels weird, it is weird. and i get the whole paranoia that you can't be with someone who treats you nicely because you are so used to being with someone who treats you like crap, but i think too you have intuition when it's a bit much on the other end of the spectrum. it's all about balance. i swear, you post totally reminded me of myself last summer with that guy. i'll let you know how it goes in a few years when i jump in the dating pool again. [if i am ready by then...]

hang in there! it's still early!

sebsmom's picture
Submitted by sebsmom on

"Cutie" could just be a part of this guy's vocabulary. BD is like that. A few days after I met him he left me a message where he called me "doll-face" and it completely freaked me out. It wasn't until I knew him a little bit that I realized that doll-face is the kind of thing he calls a lot of people - even some of his male friends. At the time of the message all I could think was "WHOA, slow down dude!"
Eventually I said something smart ass like "What's with the 'doll-face'? Are we in a 1920's gangster movie?" He said something like no that he just thinks I'm gorgeous. I think I laughed and rolled my eyes and said "Riiight, okay." He got the message. You could try something similar with this guy if he keeps calling you cutie.
I'd try not to sit him down for a talk unless he makes it really clear that he's wanting more out of whatever relationship you guys have than you're ready for. One or two texts the day after seeing you, no big deal. Texting sweet nothings all day long like he's your boyfriend, time for a chat.
I get where you're coming from... that all would freak me out too. Like I'll think about how I want to date around and meet a guy/hook up/whatever, but if I were faced with a guy who I even thought MIGHT want to get serious I think my inclination would be to run screaming in the opposite direction. But try to chill out and enjoy whatever's going on and deal with everything as it comes.
Good luck. :)