He sent me a couple casual texts yesterday just saying he hoped noa and I were enjoying the summery weather. That was fine and didn't bother me at all. But then this morning I got a text at 8 that said "good morning! I hope you guys have a great day :)". Totally sweet and innocent, right? Well, for some reason it made me feel all crazy and smothered and overwhelmed. So I sent him back one that just said "you too" and I got back "thanks, cutie. I hope I see you again soon...I had so much fun the other night!"
And it's true; we had a great time. It was fun. But I do NOT like the fact that he called me "cutie." It reminds me of smarmy guys in bars who slink up and say "heyyy, cutie. Whatcha drinking?". And even though he's NOT a sleazy guy in a bar, the word still doesn't sit well with me. I'm almost 30; I don't think I qualify as a "cutie" anymore, do I?
He's a really good guy-- funny, sweet, kind of goofy-- but I'm by no means looking to jump into a relationship. Thinking about making out with him does make me stomach feel a little funny (in a good way) but thinking about him geting in the habit of sending me texts all the time and calling me "cutie" makes me instantly freak out. So it it just that I'm not ready for a relationship in general, or is it that I'm just totally fucked in the head and only really fall for guys that I know will end up treating me like shit? Or is this just not the right guy for me? I've always believed that if something someone does makes you want to run away, it means they're probably not the right person to be with, but now I'm not so sure. I mean, shia labeuof could take me to dinner and show me the time of my life but if he called me "cutie" I might run the other way, you know?
So am I going to end up like elaine on seinfeld? Like, "oh, I can't see him again because he likes country music" or "I broke it off because I found out he watches 'who wants to be a millionaire'" or "he called me cutie; I'm all set"?
I think the first thing I need to do is talk to this guy. He's given no indication at all that he wants to jump into anything, but the thought that he COULD be feeling that way scares the shite out of me. So I think I should give him the "I love spending time with you and we have so much fun together, but can we just leave it at that for now?" speech, which is never any fun. And what's the right way to say "so you can still come over and watch 30 rock and make out on the couch with me, but only every now and then, and you can't text me good morning or call me cutie or it's done"? I think only crazy bitches like myself think this way, so there may be no "nice" way to explain it to him.
So am I doomed to forever be an emotional invalid who runs screaming from nice guys who try to show me some positive attention, or is there hope still that I can learn how to open up a little and let down my guard?
This is why every now and then I think it wouldn't be so bad to be alone forever. Life's less complicated when you don't have to worry about romantic interaction with people. But it's also a lot less fun, and a lot less interesting, and a lot less HUMAN. Eh, I suppose I'll figure it all out eventually.