the sun is shining

mamanopajamas's picture

1. I am very grateful for all my friends who were there for me yesterday in my darkness

2. I am very grateful i allowed myself to weep, sob, scream, feel my feelings as fully as I needed as long as I needed

3. I appreciate the emptiness of the new apartment so i could feel free to do that

4. I am sooo thankful I wrote down my questions I NEEDED answered for me to have any understanding of that which I rejected as my reality, that which I denied could be true

5. I am ever so grateful Mr & I had a conversation last night where I asked all my questions, called him all his bullshit and he answered honestly EVERYTHING i put to him and I now have a very clear picture of what REALLY is going on

6. I am grateful for my new roommate for being here last night to hold me while I sobbed thru my story one last time, to make me dinner, to listen to me ramble about my life to have something else to talk to for a while

7. I am so thankful that after talking with him and getting clarity I was able to SLEEP, like a rock, I was so exhausted on so many levels and I finally felt safe enough again

8. I am so thankful that I DID reject this as real, that I dug deeper that I found the core of the moment, that I am keen with words, that i stopped crying long enough to really listen to what was said & what wasn't said and to get what NEEDED saying said

9. I am grateful for Love and it's Power and how it still surrounds me

10. I appreciate the time given for us to get back to where we want & need to be together

Tags: 

Comments

maggles's picture
Submitted by maggles on

Glad you can see the sun today. Being deeply in love as you seem to be and having something blow up is like being hit by a truck and leveled. I know that- happened to me once and I can still feel that wind knocked out feeling if I close my eyes.

The big teaching for that for me (not to try to "make it all neat package") was that a man would always be the icing on a great cake for me, not the main part of the cake. That I would make my own life and be self sufficient and really whole on my own- emotionally, financially etc, and then adding a great man would make it all the more fulfilling. I am still looking for someone who I know in my bones is exciting AND has real intergrity- as I do- and I'll wait if I have to. I'll really wait.

Heart out to you and hope you are having lots of tea and sympathy and know that the world loves you and does not go out, even if he does for a time.

maggles's picture
Submitted by maggles on

Not saying your situation is like mine was- don't know what your situation really is. Just saying, I think sometimes we don't hear enough that we can and will be okay on our own, that as Jane Eyre said "I have an inward treasure born within me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered at a price I can not afford to give." The feminist movement drove this home- it's just that as single women we are still way behind on the list of anyone's priorities- and we are like 40% of mothers now!

mamanopajamas's picture

Your words meant a lot to me - I know these things and I too need reminding sometimes.

He is the icing, not the cake, I am such a deep, firm believer in Love & its Power and I know in my soul that this is who I am going to have a life with.

i had been so wrapped up in survival the past few years i had not been living. I can not do that any more. I was waiting for a sense of real security before i opened my wings and took flight again. I have been a rounded eagle and that IS so wrong. No more. i will soar and he will meet me when he is ready.

Thank oyu for the great Aunt Jane quote ; )

 "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying (wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)