this is sort of related to maggles' point from the other day about people going through life harming people, without the express intent to do so.
i've come to feel, over the last few years, that being stupid is malicious and antisocial, and often a choice.
it would be unwise for me to state what happened in my life to bring this up, being a public forum, but it's solidifying my view that stupidity causes more harm to more people than anything else.
my friend - and yes, i think i do still have to count her as a friend due to the lack of intent - has done something so astonishingly stupid as to bring potentially catastrophic effects into the lives of herself, me, and some other people. over the years, i've come to learn that she's not particularly bright, which doesn't affect me much so i'm alright with it. meaning, we can still hang out and have a good time and work on projects together, nbd. but even knowing what i do now about her, i'm still amazed, deeply amazed at how dumb this move was on her part. the potential for harm is over 50%, meaning, it's probable that bad shit will result. and when that ball starts rolling, the potential for that harm to be serious - to her - is also probable. and if that ball starts rolling, the potential to cause me harm for years into the future, is once again probable. because of her colossal fuck up, the potential exists for my plans for the future to have to be abandoned, and for lil' filth not to be able to go to college. really. it's difficult to assess, with the variables involved, how we get from where we are now, to the kid having to give up on her education, probability wise. but the potential is there, which is why NO ONE DOES WHAT SHE DID. because a monkey in a fucking diaper knows better.
i'm so pissed i can't even see straight. and it's not making it any better that she "didn't mean to," in fact that's making it worse. the fact that she's a sweetheart and still doesn't understand what she did, potentially will never understand it, only deprives me of the opportunity to knock her teeth out. i'm forced to just shrug it off and prepare to be unbearably anxious for ten years, through no fault of my own, other than assuming a level of intelligence that wasn't there. and the fact that whatever happens to any of us, what will happen to her will be worse - somehow not consoling. because WE TALKED SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT, and she assured me she was NOT doing this very thing. turns out, she didn't quite misunderstand the conclusion we reached, as much as she had no comprehension of the topic at hand and sees no relationship between what we talked about and what happened, despite them being direct OPPOSITES.
i can trust people not to try to hurt me, because i can assess who's like that and who isn't. but i can't trust people to be intelligent. and i can't surround myself exclusively with intelligent people.
i really just hate people sometimes. i hate that people have influence on my life without understanding it, in a just world, people would only be able to influence what they understand.
off to plant some flowers.