Step-sister troubles...

Ruby of the Moon's picture

Today I found out that my little stepsister (she's 22) is six months pregnant. She found out last night! She is either a recovering addict or an addict I'm not even sure, she has just come back up east from florida and may be facing jailtime for skipping town a year ago. She has definately been drinking alcohol for the past 6 months and smoking weed so there is a high chance that this baby is going to have problems. She was arrested a year ago for possesion of heroin and let's just say that she has not been to rehab. I'm not even sure if she is planning on stopping drinking, that is the worst part. I feel so helpless, she is a really troubled girl that has had no guidance for the past ten years (at least.) She has lived on her own been with a bunch of guys that were on drugs and beat her etc., so it is a very touchy situation trying to help her without scaring her away.
Since I am a mama of 4, a doula and just a lover of pregnant women in general I feel like I really need to step-up the game and to help her. I am not sure where to begin though. I gave her a copy of a really good pregnancy book today and tried not to push anything on her. That was my first step. Anyone here that has been in this situation from either end? Everyone else.... Send some good mama vibes to her. Thanks.


mnemosyne's picture
Submitted by mnemosyne on

I'd say I've been in the situation of not being considered an "ideal" candidate for a mother. 17, homeless, unwed broke ass stoner. And hey, fuck them all, I'm a fantastic mother. I believe that being a good parent is a Choice--one that we make every day. So. I don't know this girl and I can't really tell from your tone if you think she has the potential of pulling her shit together or not...probably more than anything, though, she needs someone to listen if she feels like talking, and help steer her to resources to decide, or carry out her decision. Former drug use doesn't necessarily mean a baby with problems or a shitty mom...might be something to call her on, y'know? A straight up "are you using?" . I'm not sure what else to say, I'll think some more about it...

mrs. sauce's picture
Submitted by mrs. sauce on

I have been really fucked up and pregnant before, but I didn't see the pregnancy through. I honestly don't know what would have really helped me the most. Love is always good.

* I'm all fight and no flight *

denessasma's picture
Submitted by denessasma on

I would honestly ask her. tell her that you really want to help her and make sure she and the baby are safe.say that you guys need to be honest with each other and then ask if she's still useing. of all things she has got to stop heroine and drinking the most. i have 2 cousins who are fetal alcohol syndrome babies and they had a lot of trouble growing up learning and hearing they are now both fine if that gives you any hope.but tell her how much you care and that you really want to help her. the thing is though she has to want this baby. if she really doesn't she isn't going to care enough to stop anything, then jail may be a good thing at least she'd be relatively clean while in(althought not necessarily)good luck mama
We do not inherit the land from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children....don't know who to give the credit to saw it outside my library.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

IGGY's picture
Submitted by IGGY on

you can provide the support you know how to provide, but she needs specialized counseling if you ask me. she needs someone who works specifically with pregnant addicts. withdrawl is tough on its own, now she's pregnant.... it could get really really hairy scary. i would find these counselors for her, and drive her there and make sure she goes, if it were me....

good luck. such a sucky situation.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." ~~ Kurt Vonnegut

"You know, i could write a book. And this book would be thick enough, to stun an ox." -- Laurie Anderson

narcissusandgoldmund's picture

I remember when I first got pregnant, and was first trimester and going through withdrawals. I slept for weels. It was all i could do. I would ask her straight up if she's using, not accusatory, just ask, and offer her help. Not nec. counseling, but maybe healthy sober company or helping her get trhrough the day and daily living and stuff for a while. She may not seem like an invalid, but believe me, she needs physical help too right now. I dunno what you're doing sounds good, I would just try to be there for her, sober friends can be a powerful incentive. Esp. sober friends who have kids oftheir own. I wish her the best of luck, I know that for me, getting pregnant turned me from a person who is not so good at living to a person who is pretty good at living, and sometimes wonderful at momming.