Rude Brother-In-Law, any advice???

redmomma's picture
Sat, 08/07/2004 - 16:22 -- redmomma

Hey There! I have a question for you all about some comments made by my Brother-In-Law, Chad. Chad is 30 and has never had any children. In fact he has never really been around childern until we had Archer 2 years ago. Chad never really comes around to hang out with his nephew and when he does he gets Archer wound-up then leaves. He will also tell him to stop acting a certain way. For example: If Archer throws a fit because he asked him to stop throwing things in the house, Chad will say, "Oh, stop that Archer. We don't need this". I have asked Chad before to not say those things to Archer, for he is only 2 and is expressing his feelings about something he really does not understand. He replies by, "Ya, I guess your right." Then the next time Archer throws a fit, Chad says the same thing. Now, here is the really frustrating part. Chad has a new girlfriend. She has a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Ever since he started dating her, we have not seen him. He spends alomst everyday with her and her daughter. He came over the other day for the first time in like a month. Archer was playing with him and was really happy to see his Uncle. (Side note: Archer is not really talking a whole lot. My son is on his own schedule when it comes to developmental timelines. He didn't start walking until he was 17 months!!) Archer was "talking" to Chad and Chad said to him, "You will have to hang out with Ali (Chad's girlfriends daughter) sometime, she talks all the time and very clearly." I almost started crying. I have been, and he knows it, very worried about Archer's delay in speach. For months now I have been talking with his Ped. and getting tests done to see if he has hearing problems. Archer's tests have all come back great, he is just taking his time with it. He does a lot of signing and communicates to us in other ways to us. I thought this comment was so unnecessary hurtful. What do I say to him? Do I even say anything to him? I am I overreacting or being overprotective of my son? HELP!!!!!!

Comments

mental momma's picture
Submitted by mental momma on

Tell your brother in law that girls often develop at a faster rate than boys, that Archer is normal, and to please not compare them, at least in your presence. The children haven't been raised together, and as long as your son is healthy and nothing seems to be wrong physically, just accept that he will speak when he is ready. Of course, I really want to go bitch slap your brother in law, because he's not my family, but that's the nice polite way to respond to people you are going to be stuck with for a long period of time. Is he your spouse's brother? Perhaps ask your spouse to speak with him, and let him know these things. Maybe Chad just didn't realize that since he isn't Dr. Spock, his 20 second observations are stupid. (Maybe he was trying to be helpful, his way of saying, hey, you both have kids, meet for a playdate, you might like each others. Guys think weird)

jubas's picture
Submitted by jubas on

Maybe you are feeling really sensitive and he's actually trying to help? Guys are often different in their approach to things. Have you talked with your husband about it? (is it your husband's brother?)

"I don’t have to keep up some great pretention I’m the most dignified, eloquent, elegant, perfect, smart-thinking, kind, generous person. I’m just a plain old human with a whole bunch of flaws.”-- Lily Tomlin

redmomma's picture
Submitted by redmomma on

Chad often says things that are off-the-cuff. Yes, it is my husbands bro. We have talked about this and my hubby has said things like, "Archer is on his own schedule..." So on so forth. Chad just keeps making comments about it though. Now, his girlfriend is starting to get in on it. Yesterday she was saying hi to Archer and he just stared at her for a moment then went on with what he was doing. I asked Archer if he was being shy, then she was like, "Oh, Ali is not shy at all. I brought her into the resturaunt where I work today and she was just saying hi to everyone." I replied by, "Ya, isn't it just so interesting how children are so different?" But she didn't aknowledge that comment.

mental momma's picture
Submitted by mental momma on

Okay, sounds like she's a little clueless too. Just try to stay strong in the face of a jackass. I had a friend of the family, who, every time he saw my baby, would get in his face and say "Ooga Booga!" And every time, he screamed. Finally, my son was 9 months old and I said, "Look, he doesn't really like this", and he was like, what? Totally hadn't noticed he screamed at the very sight of him.

redmomma's picture
Submitted by redmomma on

scared too! Why do people feel as if babies or children need to act in a certain way? That is the beauty of kids, they are all different!!!