It has been a while since I have been here. I had a baby and kind of went crazy. He is now six months old. Before I gave birth to him, Hipmama became a wonderful online community for me. And then there was the birth. After Leopold came, I had a rough time. I was really happy to go back to work and it helped our relationship grow because I got a chance to miss him. But my spirit was not growing, it was shrinking at a fast rate. I started to use beer to deaden my over active hormones and other aspects of self. Then there came the day that I said to myself, "this isn't me, this is not who I want to be nor is it who I want my son to know as his mother. I decided to make some changes. I had hit and emotional bottom and I was tired of being in hell. I started to seek recovery and stopped drinking. I started to go to yoga again weekly. I started praying. I made a 180 degree turn around and I am no longer feeling like I am a prisoner in my own head. One of my activities for healing my spirit is to allow myself a certain amount of time three times a week to peruse hipmama and communicate with you all; those from my online community. For the first time in a long time I feel excited about life.