I have had a hard time writing about Costa Rica. I have no wise words to say about it. I traveled and related open, without my own agenda nor expectations, just listening to cues from within and without and all worked out. This is just the beginning of something much more enduring that will take many years to unfold.
I am spent my last days in Costa Rica back in San Ramon. The first day felt strained between Jonathan (R’s dad) and I, but by the next day everything was easy again.
Ramona and I again stayed in Uncle Javier’s house. Javier comes in holding a dead turkey by the feet. He recounts catching a glimpse of his dog attacking the bird through his rear-view mirror as he turned the corner at the end of his driveway. He couldn’t get to them before it was dead. He had bought two turkeys, and this was the second to be killed by this particular dog. He had bought the pair as pets and to make more baby turkeys, but soon found out the dogs were not going to allow for that. I didn’t care to see the defeathering or the chopping up of the turkey, but Ramona went back and watched for a couple of minutes. I never saw anything like that when I was a kid. She’s not squeamish like me. I wish I were more like her in some respects. I did take a few pictures of the birds head sticking out of a little box full of feathers and bones (I will spare you). Then Jonathan chopped some up some turkey and put it in the white sauce for our pasta.
It was so great (and daunting) going to Costa Rica. Its good to create connections. Our lives have been broadened, expanding our world through our relationships. Ramona and her dad foster a new relationship, she gets to meet other family members. She gets to be welcomed by her Costa Rican roots. But, she had her own idea of the meeting, with high expectations and I think was let down a little. She pictured a man with grayish long hair and a long beard. Jonathan likes to shave his head and face. He was also way to grabby and touchy with her, which made her feel uncomfortable. I tried to explain how we in the US are more particular with bodies, and that Ramona connects through talking/stories, before touching. However, though Ramona understands Spanish very well, she can’t tell stories is Spanish, so a lot was lost. She talked and talked in English and no one understood what she was saying but me.
Jonathan and I seem to have begun anew some sort of romance, we are just too attracted to try to control it all. And I’ve changed so much in six years. I am able to just let my relationships be what they are for the most part. We have a loving, friendly connection, we accept each other at face value. Walking around as father daughter and mother felt so strange. It was a first for me. He asked me if I would like to come live in Costa Rica, I said "Maybe someday." He asked me if I wanted to have another baby with him. I said no. He said we should get married for visa purposes, I said that it wouldn't help.
We are sooooo different is so many ways, but there seems to be this fundamental connection, this strange way that we are actually the basically the same. But the truth is that the vast distance between us may be the thing that keeps the good energy and peace between us.
My friend says I am lucky because when the USA gets really shitty in a few years I will be happy to have somewhere to go. I am working on establishing paternity for her as well as Costa Rican citizenship in the near future, then I work on my stuff.