not that anyone will read this, but....I don't understand people :(

brainymom's picture

I am lonely. Being a single mom can suck sometimes. When the kids do something amazing and there's no one to turn to and share that "awwww" moment. It's hard, and sometimes shitty, and no matter how hard you try, without a support system you don't get to see the new star trek movie in the theatres...but your kids are amazing and even snotty nose kisses are the bomb!

So, I occasionally find myself attracted to someone. Like recently, a situation in which I made a total ass of myself.
Found myself attracted to a guy....someone I see through work on a regular basis (maybe 1x a week)
Had an inkling he might lean the "other" way...didn't want to ask around because in such a small town those things don't go unnoticed...
posted a missed connection - who knows " so and so" is he gay, straight, single, etc.
His mother responded - yep. A glowing letter of recommendation from his mother.
I ignored it until he posted his own missed connection asking if his mom had posted original request - I had to post another missed connection saying that his mom had not posted it - didn't realize he would respond to that via email - or that my response would show my full name in the "from" section of email - oh yeah, and a picture...
so then he knew who I was
There was either mild flirting or niceties - won't go in to details just now.
He invited me to come see him @ work
I did
He hugged me, we talked. I felt like the hug was a consolation prize, the free food was a consolation prize - him asking what I was up to this weekend was just polite
and me saying that I knew I could find a babysitter - blew it
he didn't come see me today @ work like he said he would
he hasn't emailed since (except to offer me more yummy food - another 'consolation' prize?)
I'm sure he's busy - we all are.
I'm sure I'm reading too much
I'm sure he's not the one - it's easier that way
I'm NOT sure how to ever meet someone
I'm too young to have resigned myself to a life of work + kids and nothing else...I miss my old friends and old life.
I miss meeting new people who are under 50
I miss feeling that spark (and felt like the heat of a spark grazed me yesterday...then fizzled today)
I'm way more bummed than I should be over someone who I don't actually know.
And I feel like I should totally stop trying
Every morning putting on mascara feels silly
It feels ridiculous to care how my boobs look in such and such shirt
But I know there's more
I've seen it happen
Just not to me

Comments

mnemosyne's picture
Submitted by mnemosyne on

I know it SUCKS!
I do want to share that I once made a fool of myself--waaay bigger than you're talking about--was shot down, humiliated, etc. A couple years later I randomly became friends with his brother and learned that the dude was into d*fecation with s*x. So the moral is, it's probably for the best that you're just getting the consolation and not the 'prize' now.
And ya know, now that I'm with someone, I see a LOT of cool eligible guys. Tides turn, take care of you for now. Sending hugs!

brainymom's picture
Submitted by brainymom on

I *KNOW* there is always a reason for how things happen but really, in the field in which I work - I get a lot of older guys asking questions. And all I want is for someone even remotely my age to notice...and for me to realize
that would make my week

"If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in our hair." ~ David Sedaris

Creatress's picture
Submitted by Creatress on

I relate. I do. Haven't gotten a call from Hardware Store Guy, pretty sure I'm not going to, now (we're on 48+ hours, at this point.) Another needle in the heart, you know? Not that I care SO much about this guy, but there are so, so, so few eligible bachelors in the age range I like who want to date a single mom, let alone the rest of the package that is Me. I feel very lonely, these days, even with my friends and fairly good support network, including fuck buddies (yes, I do categorize them there.) It's not the same. I want romance. And the older H gets, the less hopeful I feel about it, because then I get to trade the difficulties of dating as a toddler's mom to the difficulties of cultivating a relationship between a potential partner and an older kid--way harder.

25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.

Aurinel's picture
Submitted by Aurinel on

It will happen even to you - just wait (ok, not so easy being patient). Maybe Mr Right is just waiting for you. Imaging how he is complaining: "Oh, how I wish there would be someone to spend live with. To have a family with. To talk to. To take care off. Someone to love." And one fine day he comes around the corner and runs into you. Bang. So he apologizes and invites you to a coffee. You talk and talk. When you tell him about your children he exclaims "I always wanted a family!" Until now it is just a fairytale, I know. But it might happen.
Sometimes things need time to develop. You've just found a job. A home. You just settle down. And you've done that he will show up, I'm sure.
I am vibing you. And a lot of hugs.

...the lover, the dreamer, and me (Jim Henson)

denessasma's picture
Submitted by denessasma on

I am soo with you. I'm living in the middle of nowhere TN with my paqrents and kids i work at hardees(though goin to school in the fall) there are literally No black people here soo i work with mostly redneck racist type folk and like to mainly date black guys. I have a kind of boyfriend in charlotte but only talk bout 2 times a week and we never have much to say though he says he's comin to visit and we sort of plan to be together in future but it hasn't been really discussed lately and i have no clue.Baby daddy is in Wi with a girlfrien that he is realizing will never be me and wants to try and work things out at some future point though he still has girldfriend. blech my life is fucked right now and i hang out with only my kids and my parents so i feel ya mama. much love to ya.but i say never give up and eventually somethins gotta give right????

Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

sebsmom's picture
Submitted by sebsmom on

It's like... I know single moms meet guys who have no problem with the fact that they have kids. I see it and hear about it all the time but I can't imagine it happening to me in my own life. I don't even pursue crushes anymore because I take it as a foregone conclusion that the object of my crush is not going to want to get involved with a woman who has a kid. Especially a kid who is still young and in need of constant care. I don't want to put anyone in that awkward position so I just leave it alone. And then I feel like I will never find someone - or not until I'm much older and the guy is much older. I've missed out on my chance to ever again be young and in love with all the passion and excitement that goes with that. If I had a partner I could accept that - that the-crazy-in-love-part-is-over-but-now-we-have-each-other kind of thing. But that's not the case. It's just me.
And I miss my friends too but they are all in relationships and most don't have kids yet so it's like they're on a whole nother planet. I'm at that age that kid or no kid, if you're not in a relationship it's likely you're the odd one out among your friends and that is never fun. I feel like I'm always the fifth wheel on a double date or something. It doesn't help that I can tell from the way my friends look at me that they think my chances for finding anyone are slim at best. They say different but when I confess to being into someone they get excited for me and at the same time I can tell they're not optimistic at all about my chances and are worried about me getting my hopes up. They look concerned until I say I'm just looking for a little sumthin sumthin on the side - no relationship - and then they look relieved like in that case maybe I've got a shot. I won't be lying - I don't want all the complications of a boyfriend. it's just the knowledge that people would regard any desire on my part for a long term partner as kind of tragic. That's a hard pill to swallow. This is coming from me - a major introvert. Sure, I like people but I also like being alone and I adore my space... yet the idea of not having someone to share life with as I grow old feels deeply sad on many levels.
It's definitely not easy.

denessasma's picture
Submitted by denessasma on

what i do is first thing when i meet someone i tell them i got a kid that way its out there and if i found someone and i got 2 kids i KNOW you all can do it 2 for sure. hell the guy i'm seeing has GROWN kids like 21 and 20 so ya know, it'll happen ladies just stop lookin for it in every guy you meet i know the feeling. Plus a lot of guys worry because they know the bond that's usually there between a girl and baby daddy ya know it makes them really cautious. :glasses: nessa added that smiley

Jessica
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

earthgarden's picture

I met Mercury Man when my oldest son was a month old and my daughter was 5. We started dating when he was 18-19ish months old. I think if we had started dating right away we probably would not have made it past a few months. That year and a half of friendship, of getting to know each other, was/is our foundation. So I would say, don't rush anything or expect instant love connections from people. Take your time, and be clear and upfront about the kind of man you want. He's out there!

biz & etsy & books
Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself.
~Jean Anouilh

earthgarden's picture

this kind of made me get all fired up, like what kind of friends think you've only got a shot for a booty-call relationship?? or that being with you is some kind of tragic situation WTF! but you know, I think maybe your friends don't really think that...maybe you're assuming a lot of what they're thinking you know? or maybe I am misunderstanding...anyway plenty of men like, date, love and marry single mothers. The fact of seb will not stop decent guys from wanting to be with you on a serious love level, trust.

biz & etsy & books
Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself.
~Jean Anouilh

brainymom's picture
Submitted by brainymom on

either find new friends or (I'm guessing) you're misinterpreting what they say/do...
my friends are all very supportive. They all think I'm a catch (and say so) they can't understand why I don't just ask any guy I'm interested in on a date. I am not as optimistic as they...

"If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit in our hair." ~ David Sedaris

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