I am lonely. Being a single mom can suck sometimes. When the kids do something amazing and there's no one to turn to and share that "awwww" moment. It's hard, and sometimes shitty, and no matter how hard you try, without a support system you don't get to see the new star trek movie in the theatres...but your kids are amazing and even snotty nose kisses are the bomb!
So, I occasionally find myself attracted to someone. Like recently, a situation in which I made a total ass of myself.
Found myself attracted to a guy....someone I see through work on a regular basis (maybe 1x a week)
Had an inkling he might lean the "other" way...didn't want to ask around because in such a small town those things don't go unnoticed...
posted a missed connection - who knows " so and so" is he gay, straight, single, etc.
His mother responded - yep. A glowing letter of recommendation from his mother.
I ignored it until he posted his own missed connection asking if his mom had posted original request - I had to post another missed connection saying that his mom had not posted it - didn't realize he would respond to that via email - or that my response would show my full name in the "from" section of email - oh yeah, and a picture...
so then he knew who I was
There was either mild flirting or niceties - won't go in to details just now.
He invited me to come see him @ work
He hugged me, we talked. I felt like the hug was a consolation prize, the free food was a consolation prize - him asking what I was up to this weekend was just polite
and me saying that I knew I could find a babysitter - blew it
he didn't come see me today @ work like he said he would
he hasn't emailed since (except to offer me more yummy food - another 'consolation' prize?)
I'm sure he's busy - we all are.
I'm sure I'm reading too much
I'm sure he's not the one - it's easier that way
I'm NOT sure how to ever meet someone
I'm too young to have resigned myself to a life of work + kids and nothing else...I miss my old friends and old life.
I miss meeting new people who are under 50
I miss feeling that spark (and felt like the heat of a spark grazed me yesterday...then fizzled today)
I'm way more bummed than I should be over someone who I don't actually know.
And I feel like I should totally stop trying
Every morning putting on mascara feels silly
It feels ridiculous to care how my boobs look in such and such shirt
But I know there's more
I've seen it happen
Just not to me