Maybe I was naive

dynamom's picture

to think we could jump into a open-adoption-type scenario.

We had a mediation, they surrendered their rights to us. We all agreed to one more visit. They get a ride to our county for the visits--so dh and I spoke to several people there to verify that yes, they would definitely get one more ride out to see us. After that we'd be in touch (having exchanged cell #s and a safe address) and play it by ear.

Over the past two years, the boys' bio-parents and I (I drive little guy to the visits) have come to have a really nice relationship. We'd never talk about anything heavy but we got along fine, we acknowledged the love each of us has for the children, we laughed together at the silly things they'd do. We'd beam with pride at their little accomplishments.

Them surrendering to us is something I had wished for but was hard, emotionally, anyway. We grieved for them.

I prepared for the last visit--assembled a beautiful birthday gift for Mom, wrote a nice card for both of them, put a picture in a frame for Dad--and then the driver called me.
He can't find them. He called both of their cell #s several times the day before the visit as well as the morning of. No answers. He swung by their place to see if he could find them. He couldn't.
He said we'd try again in two weeks, but I don't know if they'll turn up then either.

At first I thought, well, it was just too hard for them. But then I began to wonder if they relapsed. They've been clean, working their program, doing so well--I really had hope for their futures. And I'm so concerned for them now.

I called the worker the next day to see if she had any plans to see them again. Nope, once they surrender her obligation to them is over. Which, from a pragmatic point of view I guess makes sense but when you think about what social work means (at least to me), it's not "work with these people until they surrender and then wash your hands of them." Really? She's not obligated to even check on them?

She, being human, said she would try to call them, though. But we both think they won't answer.

I boxed up the gifts and mailed it to the address they gave us.
Now I wait for two weeks and see.

I do have their cell phone numbers, but I won't call, not yet. I am considering texting them a day or two before the next attempt.
So many people in my community have told me they've been praying for me during the past two years of not knowing. I'm systematically getting to each of them to ask them to take me off the prayer list and add the boys' bio parents instead.

And so I come here to do the same. I know many of the newer mamas here don't know me but I also know there are many of you here that have been reading along and sending me vibes for two years now. Please send them to Z's bio mama and papa now.



miss phoenix's picture

healthy, loving, guiding vibes for them.

and love and hugs to you and your family, dyna. xoxo

Lapis's picture
Submitted by Lapis on

I'm so glad that Z will be staying with you...but lots of thoughts and vibes to his bio parents.

and hugs to you
: )

denessasma's picture
Submitted by denessasma on

much much love to them it will be a lifelong struggle to beat drugs it will most likely often go back and forth hoefully the good parts grow longer each time and the bad shorter, i will not remove u from my prayers but will add them. love u, them, and the entire family

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~~Dr.Seuss

expat mama's picture
Submitted by expat mama on

Dynamom, you rock. Really. So many people wouldn't care. I know through this whole process you have cared about their mom. I really hope she is Z's dad are okay.
Kep us posted.

motormouth's picture
Submitted by motormouth on

For them and for you. You and the boys are so lucky to have each other.

yoginisinglemama's picture

oh dear. i hope and pray they are okay and choose a healthy and happy life. how blessed Z is to be in your care. and blessed the bio parents are whether they know it or not. i pray for their understanding of this. lots of love.

earthgarden's picture

you have a big heart and a huge spirit. You want the best for his bioparents because you love your son. I am sending them vibes. and you. (((vibes)))

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