From the landlord...

Glamorous's picture

Landlords are douchbags. Every last one of 'em. They are all shits. They all take advantage of the poor tenants.

One of the reasons I rarely post anything here anymore is that I got tired of hearing about how ALL people who own property and rent it out as living space are "douchebags".

I have a house that I must sell or lose because the TENANTS drained me dry financially with their breaking things and clogging toilets and smashing doors and stealing metal and running up the water bill doing god-knows-what--I think they just let the water run to be spiteful--and moving in unauthorized roommates, then disappearing, leaving ME with the job of figuring out who these goddamn crackheads are so that in my douchbagginess, I can pay to evict them. This takes at LEAST $275 cash PER SQUATTER and at least 3 workdays lost for time in court. Let's not forget the travel time and gas money involved in showing up for court.

The bank that holds my mortgages does NOT care if the tenants refuse to pay. They still want their money, and rightly so. Every time I miss a mortgage payment, my credit rating goes lower. One by one every credit card I had, even the ones that I was keeping up to date with minimum payments, was closed without warning. The card companies sent me letters that said "account closed due to credit file review". Mortgage default is a serious offense in the credit world. Thanks to my tenants, some of whom I never even rented to, I no longer have a credit card to bail me out if I have an unexpected car repair or need to fill a prescription.

Since laws protect tenants, I would be arrested if I were to just go over to the house with a Louisville Slugger and tell the squatting bastards to get their asses off my property. They are tenants. They have rights. They have the right to put me into bankruptcy. The banks lately do not actually foreclose and get it over with, they drag the process on for literally years, completely destroying my credit rating and periodically slapping me with bank executions that have more than once left me without enough money to buy food or gasoline. Douchebag that I am, I guess I must deserve it.

As a landlord, I was often forced to choose between paying my own family's expenses and paying for what the tenants, who were 2 months behind on rent, destroyed. One of them flooded the basement while doing laundry and ruined the boiler. $2800 for a used boiler...I was borrowing all over town while the law demanded that I pay for a hotel room for my late-on-the-rent tenant. My family was cold that month because we couldn't pay our own bills, but the tenants...warm as toast. Since I bought that house, I have not been able to travel, buy a new car or send my kids on any excursions. We don't buy new clothes. We don't have gel nails or Baby Phat jeans, but you can bet our tenants do.

I have been told that I was "ridiculous" to expect rent to be paid in January because the tenants had just bought their kids Christmas presents. I was told that the rent couldn't be paid because they had taken the dog to the vet. I asked what the hell a dog was doing in my house on their no-pets lease and was told "oh, it's my mother's".

The last nonpaying bastard split without notice, and to make sure I'd lose even more money, he called the building inspector and said that he was leaving without paying his last month's rent because of unaddressed repairs...he'd pulled out ceiling tiles, knocked holes in the wall, and removed all window locks, then claimed I rented to him in that condition (my question to the inspector...why would he have rented a place in that condition??). No matter how it got that way, I am now stuck with fixing the mess. I can't just let it sit and fall apart, there are other people who own property on that street who do not deserve to have their property values brought down because of abandoned buildings in the neighborhood.

Let's not forget that while this ongoing nightmare is in progress, the squatters get to live in my house for free for at least 90 days...more, because they get 90 days from the day I file for eviction, and I can't afford to do that right now. Since they're outraged that I dare to evict them for their unauthorized use of my property, they WRECK the place, destroying walls and doors, selling off MY appliances, ruining plumbing fixtures, pissing down the heating vents.

A friend offered to start collecting rents for me, thinking that the tenants might be less difficult to a big, strong man than to a woman. They assume that he is my employee, and are candid with him, making comments like "That bitch can kiss my ass. She drives around in a Mercedes, and we're POOR!" "I can't pay this month..her little private school babies are just going to have to do without their new iPods this month--ha ha." "My daughter had to get her prom dress and hair and nails...that bitch can wait til next month." Sometimes they catch it up the next month. Sometimes they don't. Either way, it's going to cost me.

I don't have a Mercedes, I drive a seven-year-old Saturn with ninety-eight thousand miles on it, and still requires a $278 monthly payment if I plan to keep driving it. My kids attend public school just like theirs do. My daughter's prom dress will be a gift from her older sister, hair and nails will be done at home, and she will dance in borrowed shoes. Not one of us has an iPad. I'm in bankruptcy. And when the goddam tenants' hooligan kids clog the toilet by flushing Buzz Lightyear, it's me, in my old Saturn, calling from a hard-to-find pay phone (because I can't afford unlimited minutes on the cell phone, unlike my tenants) to tell my kid I can't pick her up from school because I have to go unclog a toilet. A toilet full of somebody else's bullshit. Again.

I'll admit, becoming a landlord was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.

It does not make me a douchbag.

If it makes you feel good to dump bigotry and hostility onto ALL landlords even though everybody here knows that there are several landlords among this group, fine. Knock yourselves out.

Landlord Haters, fuck you. Douchebags.

I've had it with belonging to a group that accepts this kind of crap.


Lapis's picture
Submitted by Lapis on

first, your tenants sound like the worlds worst tenants. you get the trophy! omg, I'm so sorry about all this.

and I know people have been talking shit about "landlords" lately, but I also think that its not personal to you, that people don't usually like landlords... it just happens that you are also one. on this forum anyway, I think that we should all agree to understand that when people are ranting, although sometimes its might be about something that we/one does or that we/one is, we should not take it as a slight against us personally. this used to happen here a few years ago when the board was super busy. people were often upset and angry, or felt hurt by other people's posts. and although I do understand that feelings get hurt sometimes, this is an online forum and we as a group can choose not to be offended by other people's posts (although I do agree there is a limit, and maybe this was it for you) and move along with sharing our stories and thoughts. I don't post much/at all any more because i'm still in infertility land (poop!!!) but I like to come here from time to time and read, including what you write, so it would be great if you stay and just let the landlord snark go by the wayside : )

anyhow, sorry you have the worlds worst tenants. that is seriously f-ed up what they are doing.


elienos's picture
Submitted by elienos on

That is an amazing story. Maybe you should go through a property manager? Where I live, landlords don't have to do much as far as repairs go - stove, furnace, water, etc. If a toy were found in the toilet, the tenants would be billed. And tenants get three day eviction notices for non-payment of rent. Sounds like the laws where you are are screwed/skewed. Sorry to hear it. I am dreaming my next landlord will be good. We did most our own repairs at our last place. I was really sad to be evicted because the landlord wanted to move in after I spent so much time and energy over almost 4 years making the house perfect. Makes me not want to put as much care into future rentals.

guava's picture
Submitted by guava on

I have a three-pronged plan:
1) All Hipmamas show up to Glam's property and drive out evil tenants by any means necessary;
2) Hipmama needing a nice place and a cool landlord move into Glam's property;
3) Glam gets regular rent payments and nice tenants; Hipmama needing a good home gets great, conscientious landlord.

vkitty's picture
Submitted by vkitty on

Well, I have to say thanks. I'm glad you posted this. Because you're right. For every "my landlord is a douchebag" story you here, there is an equal "my tenant is a douchebag" story behind it. There is always another side to the story. Every person is a person, landlord or not.

My concern, and a total sidetrack: I hear/read of a lot of mamas leaving HM because they are tired of this and that and the other thing. They are in their right to leave, really. No one should stay where they are uncomfortable. But how do we foster more support around here? I don't want to leave, but HM is getting to be a ghost town. It's not the Hip Mama I used to know, that's for sure.

"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha

rease's picture
Submitted by rease on

Hey glam, this story irks the he'll out of me, I am really sorry this is your experience, it sounds like legally, you are in a shitty position. All I can offer is my support and a listening ear, no wise advice. Sometimes, people just fucking suck. I hope the tenant fairies bring you an unexpected turn of events.

shadeshaman's picture

I wish a had a transporter. I'd transport your douche-y tenants to Spain and make them the tenants for Motormouth's douche-y landlords. Then they could douche each other out of existence.

Me, I'm both. Not douchey, I mean (ha ha!): I'm a renter and I sublet a space. My landlords are nice people, but veeeeerrrrrryyyyyy slow to fix things. They have had their share of fucktard renters, so they are happy to have me, and have not raised the rent in 3 1/2 years. I, too have had a few fucktard subtenants. I've been sued three times by the same dude to get his deposit back, after he spray-painted graffiti all over the unit. Case was dismissed all three times because he failed to show up at court, but it was time and money and stress for me.

The problem, IMHO, is that property is theft (wait--don't take that personally. Please read the WHOLE thing). The Earth belongs to all of us, and this idea of one person "owning" any part of the planet is just stupid and evil. So, evil people have set up this system to make other people pay money to exist on a piece of the planet that they have claimed as theirs. And, over time, these evil people have begun to see "renters" as un-people. What they see is their "business"--and that is what it is. They see only the money. They don't see what they do as providing shelter. They just see the contract, the money, etc. Profit margins. Any money they spend on maintaining or improving a "property" just cuts into their profit margin. That's why so many landlords won't fix roofs until tenants stop paying rent, for example.

You, Glammy, and I and some other small landlords, see what we do as providing shelter, and that is where we get screwed. Or where it is possible for us to get screwed. We rent to people who business owners wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. We rent out units that wealthy landlords know are not going to turn a profit, and therefore run away from. We see ourselves in our tenants. We try to help them, instead of being douchebags and not letting them anywhere near our "property". They take advantage of the situation, and it sucks.
So, I think the assertion by many moms here that landlords are douchebags is mostly true, because, as a rule of thumb, landlords think only of their money, and they don't see renters as humans. Your assertion that your renters are douchebags is also true. Because they are so used to being dicked over by landlords, that they have stopped seeing you, their nice landlord, as human, and have decided to screw you over as a stand in for every evil landlord they've ever dealt with. It does not make it right, it does not make you evil or a douchebag. We are all victims of the same system that parcels out the Earth to make some people rich and the rest of us poor.

"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

sam's picture
Submitted by sam on

Hi Glam,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It's terrible, and your tenants are incredible assholes. I had a tenant pee in a built in closet once after I had to evict them because their cat got fleas, which infested the whole house, kicked off Bartonella in both me and my son, racked up thousands in debt to fix the unit to rent again. He also left a pile of used condoms in the attic. Classy. I've had wonderful tenants and I've had scumbags, and the scumbags can make your life hell. I'm sorry. I really hope things turn around soon for you. You deserve so much better than this crap you've gotten. vibes.

Glamorous's picture
Submitted by Glamorous on

Thank you for the support. It is very much appreciated.

I will make one last blogpost here (eventually), and that will be an address for the new blog.

Searching the web, I've found lots of sites that advise landlords, including the State of Connecticut Judicial website, but the solutions seem to always require your attorney...file in court...serve them with papers, etc, etc. Police will not help, I've called them numerous times. I tried to have the previous tenant arrested for collecting security deposits and giving out keys to MY building...I was told that impersonating a landlord is not a crime.

City officials will not help. Squatters can actually sue the landlord for ILLEGAL LOCKOUT for changing the locks. If a landlord has no cash or credit to use, at least in CT, we are stuck. Maybe this is a large part of the housing collapse.

Guava, your plan is the absolute best. Mama-Flashmob eviction! I'll happily supply the pitchforks. Would love to see the press reaction to that!

Again, support appreciated. I look forward to seeing HM friends in the new space.


Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley