It might be time for good-bye UPDATE

Aurinel's picture

My Dad has parkinson since some years, and as it is not treatable, he is on a rollercoaster towards the end. I'll visit my parents next weekend and it might be the last time I'll see him alive. I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm a bit afraid of how might look. My Mom told me that he shrunk, that he got very thin and tiny. He sleeps almost all day, he cannot sit for longer than an hour. It's frightening how fast it went. In this last months his whole constitution crushed. And he developed a dementia within the last four, five weeks. He really travelled back in time, first into the time he was still at work, the next week he was back to WWII (he's over 80), than he thought my Mom was his own mother, was back in his childhood.
I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm afraid: afraid of loosing him, afraid of this going on much longer, afraid of becoming that way myself when I get old. I dont know what to do. I have to explain all that to my children (DSS is almost 11, he understands a lot, but DD is four and I do not know what she really understands).
Thanks for listening.

Well, it was a sad weekend. AND exhausting. My dad has become so small, if a doctor would have to give him something intamuscular he would have to search for a muscle. He's only skin and bones. His face is a numb mask. He cannot eat, so my mum gives him baby's food so he'll gat at least something. To be true he's starving, but at least he has no pain. He sleeping almost the whole day. I don't think he will make it to Christmas. My mom stopped giving almost all of his meds as they doesn't help him. The only thing he gets is an anti-depressive.
Interestingly enough, DD took it quite normal. Grandpa is sick and old, he will not get well again, and he will die. She is sad about it, but she wasn't afraid of his looks. So he could be delighted to see her.


Glamorous's picture
Submitted by Glamorous on

that your dad is so ill, and that you are going through the roller coaster of emotions that comes along with losing someone close to you. I also extend condolences to your mom both for the loss of her husband as she knew him, and for the uncomfortable transition into the role of caregiver/nurse as well as wife.

Although it is very hard on the family, the dementia has some merciful aspects to someone who is very ill. It is almost as though they are able to leave the failing body behind and retreat to a happier time in their lives.

Keep posting.


Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley

motormouth's picture
Submitted by motormouth on

I don't know what to say, but I'll be thinking of you.

turtle's picture
Submitted by turtle on

I'm so sorry, mama. I'll be thinking of you.

Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. -- Emily Dickinson

You want to do what you think is right and what matters to you, and if other people don't like it, as my father would have said, they can go fuck themselves. -- Amy Bloom

miss phoenix's picture

much strength to you during this hard time...such a tough thing to handle. i hope it goes as well as it ever could, and that you find some peace with this roller coaster of emotions you're on.

much love to you.

Glamorous's picture
Submitted by Glamorous on

It sounds like your mother is strong and very sensible about his care. I all of you a gentle transition into this new phase.


Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. ~Austin O'Malley