Excerpt from Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart, A Midwife's Saga ~ #43

Carol Leonard's picture

I am grateful and high from the birth, but I am also exhausted.
When I return home from Betty’s long travail, I bid John good
night without even telling him the outcome. I practically drag myself
up the stairs to my bedroom. My body feels like lead, and I am
incapable of taking another step. I look in the mirror and am
shocked to see that I have bright red rings rimming the irises of
my eyes. I have apparently broken the blood vessels in my eyes
while pushing with Betty.
"Next time, I’ll have to fake it," I think grimly.
I scoop up Milan, who is sleeping in his crib. I fall sideways
on the bed, intending to nurse him, but within seconds I am in
a deep and dreamless sleep. I don’t know how much time has
passed when I wake to Milan wailing angrily. I feel I am just too
tired to cope with a hungry baby. I try to get him on the breast,
try to get him to latch on, but he only wails louder. It is pitch-dark
in my room. My arms feel like cement and are too heavy to reach
up to turn on the light by the bed. What a nightmare. The more
I try to get him to nurse, the more hysterical his cries become.
I start to cry now from sheer exhaustion and frustration. When
I finally get the light switched on, I see that Milan is completely
upside down—his head is down by my thighs and his butt is at my
breast. I dissolve in irrational, sleep-deprived sobs. In retrospect,
it’s probably a good thing that he didn’t muckle on.
~ Carol Leonard, Copyright 2008, Bad Beaver Publishing


Creatress's picture
Submitted by Creatress on

Oh, god, I remember those nights....oh, the exhaustion, the sleep-depravation...I know I've done exactly that.

24/MN. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD1.5

25/MN and WA. Queer, veg, single, AP mama to DD2.5.