shadeshaman's picture

I can't wait for prom to be over. Then maybe shit with the kid will cool down. Oh, fuck, that's what I thought when her play was done. And Hexmass. And her first semester. And blah blah blah. I have very little interest in the shit that I should have some interest in. I spend waaaaaay too much time playing solitaire, because, at the end, things are all neatly lined up and the computer cheers at me. It's the opposite of my real life where things are all fucked up and messy (and smelly--please do your laundry, kid!) and every effort I make to change that is met with resistance and downright MEANNESS. I come home for lunch and fuck around on FB just so I can have some adult fake conversations, but then I end up working later, and the kid NEVER feeds herself real food, only crappy junk food, and she's always, always, always cranky and whiney and needy when I get home.
I don't know if I will survive this. I don't feel like crying, I don't have the energy or space to feel anything. Except really fucking tired. I feel like I'm in prison. I can't imagine what it would be like on the outside, because I don't know if I will be turned down for parole. So there's no fucking hope.