So I wrote kind of a final letter to BD telling him I realize what an ass he was and that I am done and he really needs only to call and talk to the kids, I had talked to him on Friday and then began writing out all my feelings. He had said on friday well I'll call Monday he called saturday but i was out and did not return his call, I did call him today cuz he was suppose to be sending some Money of course he said he would send some Wed, then he said he got the letter. I said well I have to move on with my life and get over you, he still blames me saying I found someone else even though I had ended it with harold(you may know him as toxic man)and carl and i were suppose to be working this out, this was before my post mamas so i he started yelling and all and i was like there is no reason to yell anymore because i just don't care and i am not going to get upset, he was like i'll call later i said no you really only need to call every so often and talk to nessa cuz i don't need to talk to you every day and i'm trying to get over you and move on with my life. so he says so you guys are never coming back to milwaukee? WTF he doesn't even listen when we do talk i'll say something and then he'll ask me questions and i'll be like i JUST fucking told you that dumbass, i am letting some of my anger grow so i can harden my heart against him but it still hurts to know he is with someone else, i try not to think about it but when i lay down at night it still just hits me the loneliness, that fucking ache in my damn heart. fuck him for real he doesn't deserve me and never appreciated me sorry ass bastard i'm mostly just writing this to help me sort through it all.my folks are awesome and my mom keeps waiting for me to break and let shit out but i am such a private person i don't want to do it in front of or with her, so i'll probably be posting a lot of this shit. i don't expect ya'll to read all of it or whatever but your more than welcome to my journey to betetr happier mama, woman, and life.