So this is my first little bloggy thing on here. My lovely friend Julie introduced me to this site. I am on myspace but don't really do the blog thing and especially not about anything very personal. I'm going to try my hand at being a little more vulnerable on this site however because it feels a bit more comfortable and....well, because I need to.
I'm a mother of two with a husband who is super sometimes but some of the time lately I am on the verge of taking off to mexico...without him. As with many other mommies, I get close to no help with the housework, bills, blah, blah, blah. And whose fault is it? Mine. Why? Because I choose to sit in it. Yes, I am aware of my codependent patterns and cycles. I've been saying,"at least i can see it now" for quite a while. I don't think that's good enough anymore. It just gets to the point where I feel like I might as well be single and I definitely enjoy being single. So why stay? Because it's also my pattern to not deal with shit, blame everyone else for shit, use inappropriate methods of trying to get my needs met and getting mad because no one can meet them, and finally taking off and ditching people. I made a committment and I'm trying to stick to it.
I'm just trying to take accountability for my actions and to try not to live his fucking life for him and I'm allowing him to be fucked up without if fucking me up (trying is the operative word here). His mood swings still affect me and his aggression and temper still affect me but not like before. He appreciates that I'm not being his mother and it pisses him off at the same time because i'm not wiping his ass. So what. I'm doing what i have to do for myself and that's all I have to do anymore. Phew! I feel better already! :)