bullying and xmas

Madame Filth's picture

bear with me as my head is all over the friggin place today.

starting with the season to avoid stores. somehow, the fact that thanksgiving is this week has snuck up on me, but it hit me this weekend, when i decided to stock up on foodstuffs so i can avoid the fucking crazymaking shitstorms that is the grocery store this week. forgot coffee? oh well, you're going without coffee for two days.... i hate it every year but this year sucks especially because i was sick last year. bad sick. like, you're never getting better sick. thankfully that turned out to be wrong, but it was a fucking rollercoaster in my house a year ago while i spent rent money, plus whatever i could borrow, for three months trying to get tests paid for, only to find doctors being absentminded... oh did i order that $3000 test... silly me, i meant this $800 one. my bad... oh wait, i meant this $2500 one... well none of those are good for what we're looking for... what's your insurance????

i find it unforgivable when people fail other people, particularly when they are being paid copious amounts of money to serve them. truly. and i don't know how certain people sleep at night.

anyway, what i was getting at is that thing most of us get about anniversaries. i've secretly dreaded this time of year rolling around again, being the year after my life turned on a dime. ultimately, thankfully, i'm alright, but you know how subconsciouses work.

so imagine my delight when i discovered that Mr Filth, who meant well, made a deal with my kid to forgo xmas, changing once again my routine for this time of year. in his defense, we planned it all along. i've written about it so many times before, probably annually for the gazillion years i've been here, how i regret even starting the xmas tradition. really, we didn't know any better, or just didn't think it through. it was right here on hipmama where i made the decision, it was based in a quaint little respect for fantasy in a child. santa's not bad, santa's a benevolent fat dude who brings you the things your mama knows you love, and cookies and trees? sure, why not? then when she tires of it, we fade it out. that was the plan. at like five or six years old she confronted me with "santa is you, isn't it?" and i said, "yeah. you mad?" indicated no in some way and left the room. then came back (this is in september, i later learned some older kids at school told her) and asked that we still pretend he's real and write his name on all the tags. i said sure, i'd do that.

i didn't expect it to last this long. i suppose that's to my credit, having made xmas so enjoyable for her that she wants to continue, knowing she'll still get gifts. every year we gently suggested that maybe this might be the year we don't erect a tree, which was met with histrionics, and i just didn't feel the need to yank it from her. so we continued celebrating xmas in our atheist, anticonsumerist, borderline anarchist way.

so my kid walks into my room two months ago and says that her father offered to buy her an expensive thing, if she forgoes xmas, without running it by me. now, considering what my last year has been like, i would not have agreed to implement a huge change this year, for my own reasons. in his mind, he didn't make the offer, he was floating an idea.

ever float an idea with a thirteen year old?


onto the school. they suck. they did a HIB investigation - what is that? well HIB is "harassment, intimidation and bullying" in school, and the state has passed a law requiring a protocol be followed in such incidents. so when they told me my kid reported bullying i was like ok whatever, i knew part of the story and didn't really think it would go anywhere. well it did. the investigation did reveal a pattern with my kid as the victim. i was not entitled to any information about it because they had to follow a protocol, conduct an investigation and get back to me within ten days. that was over a month ago. my only contact about it was a claim that they've "been leaving messages." they haven't. they have no fewer than 7 ways to get in touch with me or the kid's father, if any serious attempt to reach us had been made, we would have been reached.

and the computer. they were supposed to get her a computer. they said "within two weeks" on 9/22. no call, no email, no letter. when i call them i get excuses, more claims of having left messages, and "i wish i had more information for you," meaning they wish they had any information. mind you, this is a computer that they would loan to my kid, their property, and they have a stack of computers that they said she could use in the interim.... hey anyone wanna guess what has NOT happened?

people, who are paid very very well, failing the people they're paid to serve.

so anyway, the bribery has now been carried out, the kid has her Most Treasured Item, which woulda just been a xmas gift anyway. and i'm gonna go ahead and put up a tree anyway. and make cookies and whenever Mr Filth is home, he gets to hear my Johnny Cash and Elvis xmas albums as a thank you for putting me in the position of having to acquiesce. rockzo will get a reindeer outfit.

you know what? i'm converting to christianity. like jerry returning the jacket, out of spite..


mamanopajamas's picture

just one big huge sigh as part of the collective sigh I feel from your post and from lots of things

and hugs, Mama

 "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying (wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)