boobjobs, facejobs and spanx

Madame Filth's picture

i had the pleasure last night of watching amy poehler's tv show "parks and recreation" for the first time. words fail to express my disappointment in seeing that she's been raped in the face by some rogue surgeon. she's puffy, expressionless and alien. not to mention just fucking dumb looking.

i have been noticing something that's been driving me batshit about the tv i do watch on a regular basis, adult swim. i could never really put my finger on it but the ladies looked weird. in the body. their belts sit atop their clothes, no sinching in the garments underneath, yet they're not really rigid because they can move... but it's weird. and of course they too have facejobs. i realized the other day that what i'm seeing is spanx, the layer of lycra some people put under their clothes to gather their flesh so it doesn't look fleshy. i've seen some of their products and some are molded to mold your own shape into a shape... some shape... something. bulge here, but not there sort of thing. no one has a naval, or a cleft above it, or for that matter that cleave of rock-hard abdominals-to-hips thing you get if you do work out... once i realized what it was, i was obsessed, i couldn't listen to dialog i'm just fucking befuddled as to why an actress, whose character is SUPPOSED to be 45, is wearing spanx to fit into a size 1, like any real 45 year old who isn't ill fits into a size 1.

and please, don't apply anything socio-political or feminist to what i'm talking about, i'm commenting on pure aesthetics. back to amy poehler, who is immensely talented and funny, but you'd never know it watching her show. all you see is a weirdly desperate person trying to keep a job she CREATED for fuck's sake. and you can't get past that, you can't set it aside and follow the storyline, it's that distracting. when your art is comedy, sorry amy, you need the face. she delivered some lines that would have been funny coming from a human but ... didn't work. she's at once slowly exploding in the face like something is fermenting there under her skin, and caught in a wind tunnel, and her fucking eyes don't blink right. she looks ridiculous. worse, she looks like my boss, who is 66.

i never did understand why people did this. it can't be aesthetic, since it looks so - and i say this because it's the best term for it, not for lack of descriptive skills - BAD. janeanne garofalo spoke about it, about getting surgery to get and keep work in this business, something about "we're in this business to look good." uh, but you don't. no amount of weight loss or surgery will change the aging process, and you may actually be fucking with it to the extent that your body won't know how to age right once you let it.

don't get me wrong, i'm not all peachy with my own aging. i have some serious fucking issues with entering middle age. i'm sore all the time, when i get injured it NEVER heals... not like it takes much longer to heal but now that i'm this old it, in all seriousness NEVER heals. i don't feel human unless i eat like a health zealot. i hate that. i catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection sometimes and think "whoa, what's HER problem?" but... wrinkles and gray hair and a few more pounds? seriously? those are the least of my worries. and i actually like the wrinkles, to be honest. i was excited for some of them, particularly the parentheses around my mouth. i always dug those on older ladies. i also like big pores and thickening hair on faces.

so these shiny puffy expressionless rigid ladies... uh... what the fuck? people are gonna look at pictures of you in like 30 years and laugh like the bathing beauties of coney island, in their bloomers and parasols.


bleu7102's picture
Submitted by bleu7102 on

Huh, weird. I've never gotten the botox/facejob impression from her while watching that show. Of course maybe I'm just not as observant as you, who knows. I did see this quote from her, from a Bust interview in '06. Obviously her views could have changed since then, or she was just lying. But this is what she had to say at the time when questioned about Botox, etc......

"I've decided that when I really need plastic surgery, I'm just gonna move to Northern California and wear muumuus and have long gray hair. I mean, I'll leave rather than try to pull it together.
If I could have long, sweet, gray hair, I would be psyched. I have a feeling though, that I'll just go bald. There are times when I'm like, "Goddamnit, I wanna get Botox." But as a comedy lady, muggin' is my business, so I can't look all frozen-faced. I wouldn't want to get any plastic surge. I mean, I know some comedy ladies who have gotten boob jobs, which I think is insane."

And this seems pretty appropriate, wish I could find the actual skit.........

SNL Botox commercial:

Ana Gasteyer: I deserve a younger me..

Voiceover: Botox.

Maya Rudolph: I'm not ready to lose my.. "wow"!

Voiceover: Botox.

Winona Ryder: I want a paralyzed face, but I'm too young for a stroke.

Voiceover: Botox.

Ana Gasteyer: It gently smoothes away wrinkles the natural way.

Amy Poehler: By crippling the nervous tissue in your face.

Maya Rudolph: With a diluted strain of deadly bacteria.

Voiceover: Deadly bacteria.

Winona Ryder: It's like a little stroke you shoot into your head with a needle. I like that.

Maya Rudolph: If someone told you all you had to do to get younger-looking skin was to inject a syringe full of military-grade neurotoxin into your face every three weeks.. wouldn't you do it?

Ana Gasteyer: Of course, you would! [ needle is inserted into her forehead ]

Amy Poehler: Poison to the face - why didn't they think of this before? [ chuckles with delight as needle is injected into her forehead ]

Maya Rudolph: Botox. It's not just for ethnic cleansing any more. [ needles are injected into her forehead and chin ]

Voiceover: Botox. Ask your doctor.

[ four women are seen drooling at the mouth from the poison injections ]

Winona Ryder: [ mumbling ] Botox. A younger-looking you is just a needle full of poison to the face away.

Bee's picture
Submitted by Bee on

I've never seen any of the shows listed so I have no opinion on the core topic.

But last winter I was stranded in Beverly HIlls for a week and every morning when I went to get coffee I was truly surprised by the appearance of the people around me. The dude from Scrubs was really fussy about his oatmeal order, and everyone else was carrying handbags that cost more than I have ever spent on a car. But the true shock was the level of surgical modification in the crowd.

Pretty much everyone looked awful but the women were so distorted it was painful to look at them. I've travelled all over, and anywhere else in the world you would presume you had arrived at a convention of accident survivors. Really. I'm allowed to say that because I myself am heavily scarred and therefore sympathetic to visible damage. If I met one of those women on a bus in London I would honestly think they had survived a dread disease or etc. But no. They did it on purpose in the name of beauty.

But that is largely a matter of personal choice, and I don't care - quadruple the size of your lips, yank your eyelids up so you can't blink, whatever. None of that is much different than the desire to have full sleeve tattoos or piercings.

The real trouble is that on an average morning in the cafe, 85% of the people looked exactly the same. Noses, breasts, cheeks were chosen from a catalog. They aren't just trying to look younger, they are trying to attain the specific type of beauty popular this decade. I love trashy celebrity magazines, in part because they illustrate this point. Take one of the pages showing a dozen people and their opinion about something or other and turn it upside down. Can you tell one person from the other? Bet it is difficult.

And like any community, the values of the local population reflect and reinforce each other. Then because Los Angeles is the throne of the US film and television industry those values are delivered to us in the form of popular entertainment.

In a word, ick.

shadeshaman's picture

It's like some kind of tribal modification. Many of the people in the metal scene I am in have septum piercings (myself included) and wear head-to-toe black clothing, often embellished with band patches (but not as many spikes as one might imagine). Since I am around this a lot, I am used to it, and I go for the same look. To attain the same look, I have to do a little work--I have to go to shows, or know where to get band tee-shirts that fit this genre, I recently had to do quite a bit of looking to find some boots that look right while accommodating my foot issues, plus not all stores sell skin-tight black jeans. So, I asked my community members where they get jeans and boots. I can recognize someone from my "tribe" riding a bike down the street, even if I don't know them personally. I also know when I'm looking at someone who's more into punk rock than metal, and I can differentiate hipsters who like to wear black.
I think it's the same in H'wood, only insert botox and plastic surgery weirdness in the place of piercings and black skinny jeans.

"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius"--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Bee's picture
Submitted by Bee on

Yeah, I can spot my own people everywhere by minor sartorial statements - even if I don't know em. I can also generally tell if a person is in a warring opposing group. Though I find the whole thing funny and do my best to disrupt these social values. Particularly here in the UK, where nobody can read me!

I suspect the same is true for everyone, though some of us are more sensitive because of our background or jobs.

You found boots you like? What kind? I am on a perpetual quest to find good black boots that don't hurt my feet.