i had the pleasure last night of watching amy poehler's tv show "parks and recreation" for the first time. words fail to express my disappointment in seeing that she's been raped in the face by some rogue surgeon. she's puffy, expressionless and alien. not to mention just fucking dumb looking.
i have been noticing something that's been driving me batshit about the tv i do watch on a regular basis, adult swim. i could never really put my finger on it but the ladies looked weird. in the body. their belts sit atop their clothes, no sinching in the garments underneath, yet they're not really rigid because they can move... but it's weird. and of course they too have facejobs. i realized the other day that what i'm seeing is spanx, the layer of lycra some people put under their clothes to gather their flesh so it doesn't look fleshy. i've seen some of their products and some are molded to mold your own shape into a shape... some shape... something. bulge here, but not there sort of thing. no one has a naval, or a cleft above it, or for that matter that cleave of rock-hard abdominals-to-hips thing you get if you do work out... once i realized what it was, i was obsessed, i couldn't listen to dialog i'm just fucking befuddled as to why an actress, whose character is SUPPOSED to be 45, is wearing spanx to fit into a size 1, like any real 45 year old who isn't ill fits into a size 1.
and please, don't apply anything socio-political or feminist to what i'm talking about, i'm commenting on pure aesthetics. back to amy poehler, who is immensely talented and funny, but you'd never know it watching her show. all you see is a weirdly desperate person trying to keep a job she CREATED for fuck's sake. and you can't get past that, you can't set it aside and follow the storyline, it's that distracting. when your art is comedy, sorry amy, you need the face. she delivered some lines that would have been funny coming from a human but ... didn't work. she's at once slowly exploding in the face like something is fermenting there under her skin, and caught in a wind tunnel, and her fucking eyes don't blink right. she looks ridiculous. worse, she looks like my boss, who is 66.
i never did understand why people did this. it can't be aesthetic, since it looks so - and i say this because it's the best term for it, not for lack of descriptive skills - BAD. janeanne garofalo spoke about it, about getting surgery to get and keep work in this business, something about "we're in this business to look good." uh, but you don't. no amount of weight loss or surgery will change the aging process, and you may actually be fucking with it to the extent that your body won't know how to age right once you let it.
don't get me wrong, i'm not all peachy with my own aging. i have some serious fucking issues with entering middle age. i'm sore all the time, when i get injured it NEVER heals... not like it takes much longer to heal but now that i'm this old it, in all seriousness NEVER heals. i don't feel human unless i eat like a health zealot. i hate that. i catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection sometimes and think "whoa, what's HER problem?" but... wrinkles and gray hair and a few more pounds? seriously? those are the least of my worries. and i actually like the wrinkles, to be honest. i was excited for some of them, particularly the parentheses around my mouth. i always dug those on older ladies. i also like big pores and thickening hair on faces.
so these shiny puffy expressionless rigid ladies... uh... what the fuck? people are gonna look at pictures of you in like 30 years and laugh like the bathing beauties of coney island, in their bloomers and parasols.