and just as quickly -- i have no job : (

mamanopajamas's picture

I am sooo done with this roller coaster of a year

in a nutshell, new mom is way too over protective & paranoid (and I am not being judgmental, she is aware of her hyper sensitivity) and everything was great & continuing to be great BUT when we arrived yesterday, Rile was so excited to see the baby & meet the husband's 9 yr old son (who of course hit it off beautifully & now they are both going to be upset to not have their new friend any more) that he behaved like any normal child wanting to say hello to a baby and she panicked that he was getting too close when he touched her. I mean, as in baby in bouncy seat, rile touching her legs and tummy and once her cheek.

I had wondered why the brother was so stand offish with the baby & figured it was mostly step-mom, new baby issues but apparently she doesn't let the brother "too close" or even the grandparents (husband told me this)

AND instead of talking to me who was right there, she shut her door and called her husband at work, who then called his friend who lives with them and just left for work, the friend returned to the house, handed me the cell to talk to the husband about the wife's issue while she was in the house with me unable to even talk to me about her worries.

husband & friend calmed her down then, and he even went to talk to her about it all after he got off work and then he & i talked more before we left last night. all was well again, then i woke up to an email sent after midnight when she got off work saying they knew we were well intentioned blah blah but it wasn't going to fit at this time.

sigh

when are things going to just settle in, level out and STOP fucking with me?

Comments

mamanopajamas's picture

yeah, she will admit to post-partum anxieties & being hyper sensitive -- the baby was in her acre when rile met them, and her husband is trying to get her to relax, it's his second child & he is trying to help her ease into this but he knows she is making it very difficult for them to find the "right" caregiver.

the thing of it is without a job like tomorrow i can't stay here, at all.

I am lucky to have worked the 2 days so i can feed us for a while, but that is how tenuous it is right now -- no job --> no housing --> no San Diego for us

 "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying (wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)

vkitty's picture
Submitted by vkitty on

I am so sorry! That sounds so crazy to me. At least she was honest in letting you know it wouldn't work, but that doesn't help you to get your bills paid.

"Overcome the angry by non-anger; overcome the wicked by goodness; overcome the miser by generosity; overcome the liar by truth." -Buddha

Susan's picture
Submitted by Susan on

Surely this only means that the right job is right around the corner for you. Last year I had to declare a NEW new year's beginning three times before the decent new year kicked in. I highly recommend it.

"Do not forget. Remember and warn." -- Plaque fixed to the hollow shell of Sarajevo's National Library

maggles's picture
Submitted by maggles on

Sorry this happened to you. The mom sounds really neurotic and didn't show up IMO in this case- she agreed your child could be an on the job presence- that was part of the agreement. If she changed her mind that she should've come to you directly and said "Now that I see this in action, I realize I'm not comfortable." Be a grown up- not asking the roommate and dad to ultimately talk to you. You ARE an employee, and all employers have power and many make what feel like arbitrary decisions based on whimsy and preference, just as a "mom" does. And say "Tough, I'm the boss." But we all have choices about how we relate to a situation as an employer- domestically or otherwise. I wish she had had the courtesy employer to employee, woman to woman, mom to another mom- to say "I'm sorry but this isn't going to work for me." It's not like you betrayed her trust (which I get for Madame F)- she changed her mind. Giving someone zero notice is not cool either, when there was no real infraction. If I felt there was no real betrayal of trust or agreement, and it was ME changing my mind, I would give some paid notice- whatever I could afford. Or say would you be willing to do some other kinds of work for me until you find something- if I could afford it. There are many ways to face another person as an adult and treat them with respect. This sounds cowardly. I am so sorry. Hang in there.

maggles's picture
Submitted by maggles on

Sorry this happened to you. The mom sounds really neurotic and didn't show up IMO in this case- she agreed your child could be an on the job presence- that was part of the agreement. If she changed her mind that she should've come to you directly and said "Now that I see this in action, I realize I'm not comfortable." Be a grown up- not asking the roommate and dad to ultimately talk to you. You ARE an employee, and all employers have power and many make what feel like arbitrary decisions based on whimsy and preference, just as a "mom" does. And say "Tough, I'm the boss." But we all have choices about how we relate to a situation as an employer- domestically or otherwise. I wish she had had the courtesy employer to employee, woman to woman, mom to another mom- to say "I'm sorry but this isn't going to work for me." It's not like you betrayed her trust (which I get for Madame F)- she changed her mind. Giving someone zero notice is not cool either, when there was no real infraction. If I felt there was no real betrayal of trust or agreement, and it was ME changing my mind, I would give some paid notice- whatever I could afford. Or say would you be willing to do some other kinds of work for me until you find something- if I could afford it. There are many ways to face another person as an adult and treat them with respect. This sounds cowardly. I am so sorry. Hang in there.

mamanopajamas's picture

when they start out sucky I count my Birthday a week later as my official "New Year" --so let's see what that does this time

 "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying (wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)

mamanopajamas's picture

thanks

the husband told me she didn't have any previous experience being around children, even her step-son was something she was still figuring out --- I am appreciative of not being part of her roller coaster

 "Do not speak--unless it improves on silence." ~ buddhist saying (wow - my email on file was so old - it was from the old hipmama email!)