all doubt removed: i am depressed

Madame Filth's picture

but the cool thing about being old is i've handled so much different shit that i know how to handle this again. my depression regime involves using some substances, while avoiding others. also, surrounding myself with awesomeness. good art, good movies, good food, good friends. that last one is hard, particularly when your best friends are also depressed, or busy with something important.

so, goodbye alcohol, at least for now. sometimes a few weeks. sometimes a year or more, depends on when the depression resolves. my particular case doesn't involve the worst symptoms, i don't even consider harming myself. in fact i always, regardless of how i feel, take excellent care of myself. but i do withdraw. lose interest in things i've once loved, avoid people. it's an "ah, nevermind" attitude. about walking the dog, going to class, being on time for an important meeting, progressing into neverminding art, friends, making meals.

tonight, here, alone, i'm starting to feel like myself. if only i could be alone all the time, there'd be no problem.

so, this again. i have some supplements and foods to buy, think i'll enroll in a completely new art class but for now i need to get to bed, where i will stay as long as need be. btook the day off tomorrow.

good night.