huck's blog

I was a very happy and well adjusted child, and then I got sick. I was ten years old and over the course of summer break I went from 90lbs, to 60lbs. Doctors were confused and helpless. When they couldn't figure out what was wrong, they decided I was anorexic. Six months into the worst stomach ache ever conceived, I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. I spent most of the time from age 10-18 in the hospital and ages 20-22 were hijacked as well. There was that year and a half (15-16 years old) when I wasn't allowed to eat because my intestines were so fucked up. Eventually the doctors cut out the parts that didn't work. In my life, I have had parts of my intestines removed on 4 occasions.

Now I am happy and healthy. I have managed my health, without the use of doctors, for the last 8 years. It was so incredibly scary after my last surgery, knowing that I don't have enough intestines to let the doctors take anymore. The doctors have never seemed to provide any help until I am deathly ill. Before that, they prescribe harmful, ineffective drugs, poke and prod at me creating anxiety and making me feel violated, and send me away saying Im fine.

Here is my dilema: I am seeing early signs of Crohn's Disease in my daughter. She is 7, and has always been prone to tummy aches. I have brought her to the doctor, but he has not seen anything he can treat. I have taught her everything I have learned on how to manage my health... with the exception of one thing. I have taught her about nourishing, easily digestible foods, breathing and meditation techniques to release the tension, given her peppermint teas and ginger tonics... but the one thing that has worked best for me is Marijuana.

I am convinced that the medicinal use of Marijuana over the last 8 years is what has saved me from the doctors' harmful steroids and operations. It is adult medicine and I would never consider its use for children.

My daughter has times when her stomach aches so terribly. She is hunched over for days, can not speak above a whining whisper, can hardly eat. I know what that feels like. The doctors offer no help. I am pained seeing her suffer and just dont know what to do.

Any advice mamas?

This is the second year of holidays since separated. Last year I begged my former employer to let me work on Thanksgiving. I had worked there for so many years, it was home to me... and after all the holidays on the clock, everybody there was family.

This year, it was logical for my daughters to go with their dad to his extended family celebration. I have such a small, disconnected family, on the other side of the country. There is never a thought to my side of the family's involvement on holidays. I had a couple offers from friends to go to their Thanksgiving get togethers, and have chosen to go with my boyfriend to his family's house.

So everything should be dandy.... but its not
The last two days have felt so heavy with sadness.
I am essentially an orphan and its moments like these that drive it home.
I dont even have the companionship or comfort of my own daughters on this holiday. They have been getting excited for days, talking about going with Papa to visit their whole large family. I feel really left out, knowing that nobody will even be calling me to send their love.

It doesnt help that this month has been off the charts when it comes to stress. My ex and I still own a property together. When I got my own place 6 months after he walked out on us, he moved back to the place we owned together. We agreed that he would take care of the bills there, and I would take care of the bills at my new place. Even Steven.

This month I learned that he had not kept up his end of the deal, and quit paying bills just a couple months after he moved in. He is so completely overwhelmed by responsibility, he just checks out. So now, I am cleaning up the mess. The house is on the market... for half of what we owe on it. I am learning everyday of another bill that is delinquent. We have renters. They require electricity. I am taking care of it. He is grateful, but honestly, I dont think he has any clue how big this problem is, and how difficult it is for me.

so...here is a holiday, at the end of this ridiculously stressful month. A month where I have stood up, to be the grown up, and get shit done.... and I just wish it were over already.

hey ladies
its been a while since i posted over here.
life is good.

all three of my girls are at the montessori school, which i love love love. it is such an amazing environment. i could go on for hours, but trust me, it is awesome.

we have been co-housing (is that what you call it?) my girls have been staying at their house full time and my ex and i split our time their with them. i am at the girls' house on the weekdays, and he on the weekends.

so far, so good. it is providing a real stability for our daughters... and for my ex. he is kinda SOL right now. the is trying to go back to school, and working what nights he can, so financially he is really struggling.

i am still unemployed, but kinda like it. the unemployment funds have freed up my schedule enough to really focus on my arts. i have still been making masks, and here's the best part... they've been selling!

i just sent two masks to japan! i have a current gallery show, and have been getting press. and if you go here, you can see the monsters in a music video.
www.huckandstuff.com

just a little bit of color for your day!