Any UU's wanna talk to me? I'm curious, skeptical, but miss that feeling of community. I used to go to church a LONG time ago. I don't believe in God, but I've developed my own kind of spirituality. I don't want to be indoctrinated, though.
I've never met her more than once. She left us when I was two. She would occasionally call me and tell me what a dickhead my dad was. You know, my dad? The guy that stayed around and raised us and loved us? I haven't heard from this woman in years. Then, I get an email from myspace of all places. My bio mom has commented on my status (that I posted 4 months ago because no one uses myspace anymore). And here is that comment:
...I feel like a worthless piece of shit right now. I'm looking around the house at all of the things I want to do but just don't have the energy/stamina. I refuse to believe I have fibromyalgia. I'm convinced that I'm a lazy sack of shit. I'm too damn tired to pick up those toys over there, I'm too unmotivated to write those stories I was going to write, my legs hurt too much to take my daughter for a walk and she really needs to get out of the house.
When I was growing up, we were poor. I don't mean that we just didn't have as much as other families. I don't mean that we struggled. I mean we were poor. My brother and I were raised by a single father with limited education. Skilled in his trade, he was able to start his own business. The pay was terrible, but at least he was able to be with us as much as possible. I remember my childhood being extremely happy and sad at the same time. It was happy because I had the most loving father in the Universe who was willing to sacrifice so much for us.
Someone please hire him. He has been sitting around this house being either a downer, annoying, bitchy, kind of mean, or a combination of such. I love him, I really do. I also know it's stressful being unemployed. But being in a closed space with him every single day for a month has made me not like him very much.
I just glanced at my info and learned that I've been here for 2 years and 51 weeks. That's almost 3 years, right? This is still my favorite webiste, and certainly my favorite community. I wish you all lived in Kansas City (or that I lived where you all are) so we could share some real life margaritas to celebrate!
I know it's been slow around here, but it's been slow before. I love you, Hip Mama.
...a punching bag.
DISCLAIMER: I've had more than my usual ration of wine. I may edit or delete this in the morning.
...sadness. One month of an unemployed spouse. I'm playing the part of "I can't work full time because of my fibromyalgia". He is playing the part of "I'm going to be pessimistic and kind of an asshole because of my unemployment". Ugh. Why do we do these things to ourselves?
1. On my Google home page, I get the Buddha's Quote of the day. Today's:
"Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine."
I like it. Especially the "be quiet" part. Why we gotta be so loud all the time?