A little rant here, so as to help myself calm down. So I get home from a 9 hour day seeing psychotherapy patients. REwarding- yes, easy- NO. I am trying to work my ass off for anumber of reasons- mainly so my son and I can have a great summer. Come in w/ his favorite Chinese rice dish- he'd eaten and not hungry- fair e nough. But no "Thanks for buying htat for me mommy." No hug. Didn't even look up from sitter's iphone.
Just bought this dress for it, and I feel I rock it! Happy to be alive 30 years after H.S. Leading a brief remembrance for those who've passed. I plan to flirt w/ the now divorced contingency and revel in not being tied down to most of the husbands in the room! And mostly reconnect w/ some wonderful women from my past- who I've missed. Hope all is well with you women...
Spent 5 hours w/ the Tax Man for the random research audit today. He said I was extremely organized and that everything checked out well, overall. I have to say, i feel really proud of myself. On top of running a business, supporting us, and all the single mama challenges, I'm also running a tight ship. Of course wishing I hadn't won this "lotto" and wishing big corps would get it rather then me, spending two spend weeks prepping and and not sleeping and cancelling clients. But I have to say the auditor was nice and not aggressive or on some power trip.
I am appreciating fully that I need a man with fire. Date last night with perfectly cool guy. Yes COOL in a few senses of the word. Good looking, professional, good hearted, responsible dad. No fire. If they don't have fire I'll burn em to a crisp. So they gotta have fire. Just putting that out to the Uni.
It's hailing. I'm so tired- finally getting a break. Spent much of past 24 hours helping a new suicidal teen. Amazing person and it had my name on it. Loving my beautiful son a ton and appreciating him endlessly- worrying about him and his complex two home life- and it is so damn tiring. I'm really ready to have a real life companion but I'm not ready to spend my little restorative moments In work of dating. My back hurts, my stomach hurts. I need rest , quiet, yoga, writing. Intimate time with a true partner would be wonderful but I'd rather go to the car wash then on a date.
1. That I got through the day, getting son to school w/ a lunch, working, after a rough night, exhaustion, and morning of major stomach upset.
2. That I could move patients so that I could drink mint tea and nurse stomach til noon.
3. Writing group last night and the blessed circle of women being incredible in cheering me on and saying I MUST continue the work, and supporting me by changing the night to one I don't have to pay for childcare and can come regularly!! This felt like divine intervention of the sisterhood.
I dreamt last night that we were going out. He had broken up w/ Jenifer Aniston because he wanted someone more substantial. It was all very natch. We were in a wine bar and it was like "pass the Cab, George." He was deep and interesting in the dream, and very respectful of me (i'd just been thinking in real life- he stands up for good stuff, has done some deeper work as an actor, too bad he seems so superficial about women). I take this as a good sign.
SOrry to bring this here as I think in fact I'm probably more privileged than many here in terms of health care. But damn it is really rough to be running my mental healthcare business and dealing with insurance co-s, along w/ being on the patient end. Just a little vent/run down:
Been lurking and following here. Thanks for being out there. I do miss yogini and Dragonchic. What happened to them?? Glad to see some of hte oldtimers though and also newcomers.
Wow- w hen you kid pushes back or is not sleeping (which means you are not sleeping), and you are a single mom and the main wage earner without much financial or emotional back up..how to parent with overall
-compassion and love rather than shaming
-boundaries and expectations rather than confusion or indulgence (a kind of neglect)
-perspective and bringing some humor- rather than taking it all too seriously and
becoming overly dramatic yourself
-dreams and goals for yourself AND your child, rather than "the course of least resistance"