Creatress's blog

Creatress
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Last seen: 1 year 40 weeks ago
Joined: 01/29/2007

*deep breath* Start With Now.

Hey.

There're lots of people here I don't know very well at this point, so you probably don't know me, either. But I've got to vent and get some perspective, and writing generally helps with that. Feedback helps, too!

I am:
*25
*crafty (LOTS of knitting these days!)
*disorganized
*mama to DD 2.5 (labeled H here)
*currently living in WA

*pansexual, polyamorous
*a Taurus...
*slacking sooo bad right now
*six states away from my family
*persistently sick since New Years

*a 2nd-year Amer!C0rps member
*vegetarian, but I've been cheating a lot the last few months.
*currently living in WA
*smoking one cigarette a day...one.
*cutting way back on sugar

*planning to move to IA after AC, to be closer to my family.
*TERRIFIED of being jobless after AC this summer.
*curvaceous...fat...soft
*looking for temporary(?) childcare again for H
*yawning constantly

*a homeowner, a landlord.
*facing another flood, but from 1,500 miles away this time.
*a UCC Christian-esque churchy lady
*a responsible slut
*very, very poor.

So that's enough to give you an idea of what I've got going on. I'm facing a lot of fear, stress, and frustration right now. Frustration is phasing out a bit, but very scared and stressed about the next two weeks or so.

For example:
PROBLEM: I cannot find 2 out of 3 of my W-2's. My appointment to get my taxes done for free by someone who knows what he's doing is in a little over 10 hours. Fuck.
SOLUTION: Squirm and convince him to check last year's and make sure I'm on the right path and not forgetting anything, then file for free via the Amer!C0rps Alums opportunity, or via TurboTax, perhaps.

PROBLEM: DD and I are pretty distant lately. Out of sorts, out of routine, disconnected.
SOLUTION: Use the little moments with her as much as I can, not focus on her acting out, keep in mind that this too shall pass, and she will probably turn out okay.

PROBLEM: I AM SO FUCKING POOOOOOOR!!! Like, verge of homelessness poor.
SOLUTION: Get taxes filed! Harass the childcare assistance people EVERY.FUCKING.DAY until they finish my case. Try not to self-soothe with money.

Lots of others right now. I'm tired. Need my smoke. Need to knit. *sigh*

Creatress
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Last seen: 1 year 40 weeks ago
Joined: 01/29/2007

Wow...Glad I'm Not the Only One Who Remembers

So I was a bit floored to see a facebook friend request from a girl, we'll call her the Redhead, because she's always had gorgeous red hair.

She and I were in the same grade through school, but we never even remotely got along. In sixth grade, she and a sidekick actually made death threats to me after school one day when I was about to step off the school grounds to walk home...I actually had to go to the office and call my family for a ride.

I kinda joked about it in high school and stuff, but needless to say, that's one of those experiences that was burned into my mind. I was only about one rung up from the complete bottom of the food chain in late elementary school (after having been socially successful at my first school), and that incident really reminds me about that. I gave up on trying to be popular, hence why my having 370 facebook friends is insane to me, when I don't actively seek people out who I really don't care about.

After leaving high school, I wrote her off like everyone else. She was a dumb, ignorant piece of white trash who was never going to leave ND. I think she was pregnant senior year if I remember right, gave birth shortly after graduation (and yes, I judged her for that.) I figured that's as far as she'd go.

Well, eight years later, she's married, has two more kids, and is pursuing her MSW. [[[Yeah, MASTERS degree, she's due to be done this spring. Which makes her more educated than me, which stings in some ways, because I'm good at school and she wasn't! And she has more kids than me! I need to get off my ass, I can totally handle the school thing, I just need to find the right program for me.]]] She's liberal, she's a human rights advocate, etc.

She facebook friend requests me, and I was kinda...nervous about it in some ways, like maybe she was just trying to be a bitch still or something? But she and I have exchanged a couple of wall posts, and she said this: "...I would love the chance to sit down and speak with you. Take care, and.... I'm sorry. Really. I am."

I almost cried. Funny how we all grow up someday.

Creatress
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Last seen: 1 year 40 weeks ago
Joined: 01/29/2007

Sexy Giddiness

So ever since breaking up with A & R, I've been in just dire need of getting laid. I mean really. My brief emotional entanglement with Z didn't pan out for anything because he's so damn indecisive and turned around about things, and while I hope he does come around, I'm not keeping my hopes up or waiting for him.

So that leaves me with not having been laid in like two months. This is the longest I've had to go since after H was born, pretty sure.

In the past, I've reconciled this problem by hitting up the infamous Craigslist for some NSA. Both times I have, I've gotten great response and got together with a wonderful man whom I can look back on fondly. The first, E, was this tall, dark, handsome Latino gentleman, and we only ended things because I had to move back to the midwest. I don't want to add another lover to my tally, so to speak. I'm pretty proud about my sexuality, and I know that I will have sex with new people in the future, but at this point, I just don't particuarly want to see that number of partners go up unless it's for someone I really care about.

So, now that I'm back out west, I figured I'd send E an email, mainly just to see what he's doing. Turns out, he does still live out here, albeit a few hours away. He's single. He was totally excited to get my email, and he's planning on coming out here at some point (hopefully soon!) to visit.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO friggin' excited! Laughing out loud Hehe. I definitely was crushing on this man, too (because I do that with most people I'm intimate with, but he's also a very attractive eligible bachelor). I don't think anything emotionally significant will pan out, but I am sooo very excited to see him again. Smile

Creatress
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Last seen: 1 year 40 weeks ago
Joined: 01/29/2007

Recommend a good book for me about sugar (addiction).

I want a book that's not a DIET book. Seriously, I don't want it to be focused on losing weight.

I want it to explain what exactly sugar is, how your body handles it, and how to quit being so addicted to it.

I did a low-sugar week (fruits, yogurt, and cereal were all OK, as was limited raw sugar in my coffee, but stuff like doughnuts, ice cream, chocolate, etc. were out). I managed it without too much trouble, and I felt really quite good, both physically and emotionally. After ending that, I've been back "on" sugar for the last few days, and it is fucking with me. With my head, my body, everything. I can't seem to handle it in moderation, maybe with some more structure, I don't know. So I don't know if I can sustain a low sugar...way of eating...over the long haul. I want more proof for myself of why I SHOULD, beyond just what I feel.

Everything at our library looks like it's a diet book. If I have some titles or authors to go off of (or even detailed websites!) I'd feel better about buying something, or doing some ILL for it.

Creatress
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Last seen: 1 year 40 weeks ago
Joined: 01/29/2007

Health/Body Question

Health question for you!

Since I was maybe 8 or 9, I've gotten a painful sensation periodically (sometimes 2-3x/week, sometimes ~3x/year.) It's a combination of a mid-back cramp and a stomach cramp JUST beneath my sternum. It grows in intensity for maybe three minutes, crests, and then dissipates fairly quickly. I have to stop what I'm doing most of the time and really breathe through it, OR lay flat on my back on the FLOOR--not a bed--with arms and legs outstretched to stretch that cramping muscle out. So it's basically a cramp in my diaphragm. I can't figure out what makes it more frequent or not, but I have been getting them 2-3x/week since I moved. I've WebMD'ed it, I've Googled it, I can't figure out a) WHAT it is, b) if anyone else on the planet has experienced this, or c) how to reduce its frequency.

Naturopaths, doctors, other know-it-alls: what is my problem? Even better, what is my solution?

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