Creatress's blog

Hey.

There're lots of people here I don't know very well at this point, so you probably don't know me, either. But I've got to vent and get some perspective, and writing generally helps with that. Feedback helps, too!

I am:
*25
*crafty (LOTS of knitting these days!)
*disorganized
*mama to DD 2.5 (labeled H here)
*currently living in WA

*pansexual, polyamorous
*a Taurus...
*slacking sooo bad right now
*six states away from my family
*persistently sick since New Years

*a 2nd-year Amer!C0rps member
*vegetarian, but I've been cheating a lot the last few months.
*currently living in WA
*smoking one cigarette a day...one.
*cutting way back on sugar

*planning to move to IA after AC, to be closer to my family.
*TERRIFIED of being jobless after AC this summer.
*curvaceous...fat...soft
*looking for temporary(?) childcare again for H
*yawning constantly

*a homeowner, a landlord.
*facing another flood, but from 1,500 miles away this time.
*a UCC Christian-esque churchy lady
*a responsible slut
*very, very poor.

So that's enough to give you an idea of what I've got going on. I'm facing a lot of fear, stress, and frustration right now. Frustration is phasing out a bit, but very scared and stressed about the next two weeks or so.

For example:
PROBLEM: I cannot find 2 out of 3 of my W-2's. My appointment to get my taxes done for free by someone who knows what he's doing is in a little over 10 hours. Fuck.
SOLUTION: Squirm and convince him to check last year's and make sure I'm on the right path and not forgetting anything, then file for free via the Amer!C0rps Alums opportunity, or via TurboTax, perhaps.

PROBLEM: DD and I are pretty distant lately. Out of sorts, out of routine, disconnected.
SOLUTION: Use the little moments with her as much as I can, not focus on her acting out, keep in mind that this too shall pass, and she will probably turn out okay.

PROBLEM: I AM SO FUCKING POOOOOOOR!!! Like, verge of homelessness poor.
SOLUTION: Get taxes filed! Harass the childcare assistance people EVERY.FUCKING.DAY until they finish my case. Try not to self-soothe with money.

Lots of others right now. I'm tired. Need my smoke. Need to knit. *sigh*

So ever since breaking up with A & R, I've been in just dire need of getting laid. I mean really. My brief emotional entanglement with Z didn't pan out for anything because he's so damn indecisive and turned around about things, and while I hope he does come around, I'm not keeping my hopes up or waiting for him.

So that leaves me with not having been laid in like two months. This is the longest I've had to go since after H was born, pretty sure.

In the past, I've reconciled this problem by hitting up the infamous Craigslist for some NSA. Both times I have, I've gotten great response and got together with a wonderful man whom I can look back on fondly. The first, E, was this tall, dark, handsome Latino gentleman, and we only ended things because I had to move back to the midwest. I don't want to add another lover to my tally, so to speak. I'm pretty proud about my sexuality, and I know that I will have sex with new people in the future, but at this point, I just don't particuarly want to see that number of partners go up unless it's for someone I really care about.

So, now that I'm back out west, I figured I'd send E an email, mainly just to see what he's doing. Turns out, he does still live out here, albeit a few hours away. He's single. He was totally excited to get my email, and he's planning on coming out here at some point (hopefully soon!) to visit.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO friggin' excited! Hehe. I definitely was crushing on this man, too (because I do that with most people I'm intimate with, but he's also a very attractive eligible bachelor). I don't think anything emotionally significant will pan out, but I am sooo very excited to see him again.

Health question for you!

Since I was maybe 8 or 9, I've gotten a painful sensation periodically (sometimes 2-3x/week, sometimes ~3x/year.) It's a combination of a mid-back cramp and a stomach cramp JUST beneath my sternum. It grows in intensity for maybe three minutes, crests, and then dissipates fairly quickly. I have to stop what I'm doing most of the time and really breathe through it, OR lay flat on my back on the FLOOR--not a bed--with arms and legs outstretched to stretch that cramping muscle out. So it's basically a cramp in my diaphragm. I can't figure out what makes it more frequent or not, but I have been getting them 2-3x/week since I moved. I've WebMD'ed it, I've Googled it, I can't figure out a) WHAT it is, b) if anyone else on the planet has experienced this, or c) how to reduce its frequency.

Naturopaths, doctors, other know-it-alls: what is my problem? Even better, what is my solution?