He's not so much a baby anymore, going to be 2 in a month. (How does that always happen so fast?) There's so much to say, it would really take me all day to type it out so I am going to try my best to be succinct.
Backstory for those that don't know/remember:
We became licensed foster parents in order to adopt.
Got baby E placed with us rather quickly. He was abandoned at the hospital, dad unknown, mom homeless & addicted, no other family to speak of (aside from his other siblings whom have all been adopted and I am in touch with)
Though there were no complications, it still took over 2 years to adopt him.

Right before his 2nd birthday, they called us about baby Z, also waiting at the hospital. Z is his biological brother. We said yes immediately. We thought it'd be the same.

A few weeks after he came home they told us we'd have to start visits with his parents.
This knocked me for a loop. I used to long for any tidbit of information about their mother to share with them, when I met her for the first time (I had to drive the baby to his visits) I almost hyperventilated. At the time she didn't know I had E and I wasn't comfortable with her meeting him yet.

At first they were still using and they looked terrible. Visits were not consistent. (Supposed to be every 2 weeks for 2 hours, supervised at an office) Then they went to rehab for many months and the baby was getting a ride to see them instead. When I finally saw them again I almost didn't recognize them...skin, hair, eyes so much healthier. Improvement you could see.

At that point E's adoption was finalized and I felt comfortable bringing him with me to drop-offs. He was shy at first but now he is very comfortable with seeing his birth mom and I always let them play for a bit when we drop off and pick up Z.

It was really really REALLY hard on me for awhile but the visits have turned out to be a blessing. I have a good rapport with them and it meant so much to me that we all hugged at the last visit before xmas. They trust me and defer to me on if it's okay to feed Z something or not. They see how happy and wonderful both boys are and how much they love each other and me. Z constantly calls me "mama, mama, mama" and if it hurts her she doesn't show it.

Now it is really hard for me to think of what comes next because in April there will be a trial in which most likely their rights to him will be terminated. I have let the courts know that I fully intend to stay in touch with them but it will never be like it is now with visits twice a month. They won't be getting rides to my county for visits anymore and once the rights are terminated, the state stays out of it. So if I want to get together I'm going to have to arrange it. I wish there were resources for us to utilize--I have some worries about doing this alone. My biggest fear being them relapsing, though of course I hope that does not happen. They are doing well, she's working on her GED, they are engaged...but jobs are very hard to find right now and they're still living with family.

The trial is mid-April (actually on E's 4th birthday). The judge has (and will probably take) 30 days to make a decision. Once their rights are terminated, they have 45 days to appeal. If the appellate court approves of it, that process could take another year. So this could be a long, long road ahead of me yet.

Or their rights could be terminated and they could decide not to appeal.

Or their rights could be not terminated and then I just don't know what I would do. It pretty much destroys me to think about that, so I just don't anymore.

We didn't know this is what we were getting into when we said yes to Z but of course even if we did, we would have said yes anyway.

And that is the BRIEF version of what's been going on....

I've been inspired by thing-a-day but can't quite keep up. Am very happy with the things I've been doing and thought I'd share some...
Well first of all for any that remember the tattoo that huck designed for me, she did it when I had 3 kids. I had to get little Z added on. If he was at the end of the toy line he'd be way in my armpit Also, he's not adopted and his fate is still kind of up in the air, but he's still my baby, so I wanted him a little different.
Voila! My little whirlwind. This is when it was brandy-new, it's not so red now!

(Oh and for the curious, the rest of it when IT was brandy-new:

Here's some seed paper. I've wanted to do this for awhile. It's made like recycling paper (equal parts ripped up paper and water in the blender, then hand mix wildflower seeds in, spread on screen, push/roll water out, let dry for several days) When it's dry we'll make cards that people can plant.

Here are some gift bags made out of an old cool calendar and some ribbon that came tied around my new comforter:

And this fabric I got at the thrift shop, made these skirts for dd and her doll. We want to dye them red.

This isn't all of it but enough for now! And I've been inspired enough to invite some ladies over in a few weeks for a night of crafty fun. Thanks Mercury for helping me fuel my crafty fires with the thing a day challenge!

1. Getting the fire re-started with no match usage
2. Finding a few sticks for kindling (quickly and easily) instead of trying to use the axe to chop pieces off of a log (which I hate to do and shouldn't without a full cup of coffee in me at least)
3. Vivid dreams
4. Pink striped sky sunrises that rapidly change to orangey-yellow stripes
5. Can't find the dog downstairs means she snuck up to sleep with dd again. Dh doesn't like this but I think it is cute.
6. The xmas tree in the dining room...it's so much better in here than the living room. Doesn't get on my nerves at all.
7. Kids' piles of loot under the tree. I used to love to have my own stash under the tree for awhile that didn't need to be put away...
8. Playdate planned for this morning means I won't be all cabin-feverish again today
9. Little guy's recent language explosion
10. My two older kids' blow-by-blow accounts of their individual sleepovers and who had a better one. I like that my dd kept mentioning that she had a lot of butter as her selling point.

Yes the East Coast got walloped with snow over the weekend. I've never been a huge fan of winter but even I have to admit it is just so pretty when it's new.
My dh took these after he finished shoveling the driveway (while I was inside peeling all the cold wet layers off of 2 crying kids and 2 non-crying kids and then hanging all their stuff of and making them hot chocolate)...this is my yard. I am blessed.

I forgot how much more...lady-like, for lack of a better word...I feel when I have two distinct eyebrows. And my hair feels very soft...though my sister (my beautician) cannot stand that I won't let her cover up my grays!
Now to schedule that chiropractor appointment...but I don't think I'll get that in before Xmas. Baby steps...

Just like in the good ol' days. Feel free to join in:

1. Puppy sleeping with her head on my lap as I balance the laptop next to her.
2. The blower fan on the fireplace insert that keeps the house toasty warm.
3. HM reunion.
4. Nerdy online word games.
5. Regretsy.com. So freaking funny.
6. Truly nice dinner at the in-laws tonight.
7. Getting our xmas tree tomorrow.
8. Having most of my holiday shopping done.
9. Four kids squished into one bathtub.
10. Super cute gingerbread house that my dd and dh made at a special school event.

If I had a few more hours in the day, would it be easier to find time for myself or would that time be filled with more laundry and whatnot?

This down time in the afternoon (bigs at school, littles napping) is good for me. I'm sipping tea and messing around on the computer. But I'm fighting off a headache right now, AGAIN, and am reminded that I really need to get to the chiropractor. I have not been in ages. I'm hoping he can knock these headaches right out of me. But oh to find the time to take care of myself...pffft....maybe if I put it out here in on the interweb I'll actually get around to scheduling it.

I double dog dare myself to schedule a chiropractor's appointment AND an appointment at my sister's salon before xmas.

Can it be done?

In case anybody remembers/wonders about me and mine...
Dd is 9 years old and still a mini-me to my secret delight. She just finished a glass fusing workshop at the art museum and made an ornament for Santa there.
Ds #1 is 7.5 and a great cartoonist. He stopped kissing me cold turkey but is still a great snuggler.
Ds #2 is 3.5 and is loving preschool. Sings the Lion King soundtrack at the top of his lungs and cracks me up.
Ds #3 is 1.5 and is so, so, so cute and charming and so, so, so naughty. He has just been declassified as medically fragile (having shed all the maternal antibodies for HIV and Hep-C) I still drive him to visit his bio parents every other week. It was such drama at first, so hard for me, but has turned into such a blessing. We have a good rapport. We are happy to see each other. I am working up my nerve to ask her some big questions--especially because this won't last forever. Come April there is a trial to terminate their rights to him (with several possible outcomes but most likely we'll be adopting him some time in 2010) Now I hate to think of our last visit together. I hope to always stay in touch but I don't know how that will pan out.

Oh and E's begun to have some realizations about what being adopted means and talks a lot about his bio-siblings. Wish they weren't so far away.

As for me, besides being busy with four kids and the puppy we got last Xmas (and the cat and the house and the yard and the cooking more-more-more from scratch and making gifts and being crafty in general)...I'm my dd's Brownie leader and Iove it and am now the President of the diversity organization I've been involved with for several years and we are doing a lot of great stuff together.

Winter's descending which means fires roaring, bread baking, kids getting on my nerves by 5:30. Need to adjust my attitude and dust off my winter survival techniques.

And that's my update

Here's Z loving a goat at the Zoo in October

I'm going to bump up a million old recipes so you'll click on my link to my own website! Yeah! There's something that hasn't been done before!

That's right, I met Madame Filth last night (and baby Filth who wondered how I knew her name)...as they drove a bit across the state to my film screening.
Thanks MF. I'm a little disappointed in the sucky turnout but I'm glad to have finally seen the movie and to have been able to share it with at least the ones that did come and really wanted to see it.
Also, you're the one that told me about the movie in the first place, so thanks again.
-Dyna

I've been stalking the law guardian for two days, finally spoke to her today.
And you know, it's one of those conversations where we did speak for 10-15 minutes but I don't really know what we said.
She had never heard of the Aunt until Friday, regardless of the worker C saying that Aunt was brought up last year.
That he is with his brother now is something, but not everything.
Let DYFS see what they can see about this Aunt, she feels like it’s them just doing it to say that they explored all biological family options.

that's to be sung to the tune of "Night Clubbin" by Iggy Pop. Least that's what I've been singing in my head all day.
Here it is, enjoy:

http://www.farmersalmanac.com/blog/2009/....griculture-csa/

I know, I know, it's about time I broke down and updated about myself. I know you see me here lurking, commenting now and again...I have no excuse for not filling you in.
Let's see. How about I get the shitty out of the way first?
I tested positive for being exposed to TB at some point in the last three years. On meds for 6-9 months. Pfft.
Baby's paternal aunt has stepped forward and expressed interest in custody of him. I just found this out yesterday. I'm not thinking about it for real yet. Just getting it out there and moving on to the non-shitty.

Not sure if there are any other Jersey moms these days besides myself and Madame Filth, but just in case (and MF if you are interested)...
I first heard about this film here, I think from Madame Filth herself...tried to go see it, sold out! Dang! So I decided to get my group to host it instead.

To help Denessasma in this terrible time

So here's how my mind works:
I spill some parmesan cheese on the counter.
I use my finger to sweep it into a little pile.
I lick my finger and stick it in the cheese and eat it.
I remind myself of my dad when I do this.
I then also remember drinking some Paxaran with my dad once, and we were eating cheese, after I got back from Spain. Paxaran is a liquor from the Basque country, where I studied, and is made from a berry that grows there.
I think about how I'd like some more Paxaran.
I think about Spain.
I think about Motormouth.
I realize I don't think I've seen her around HM much.

When we had E's big adoption party, we asked that in lieu of gifts party goers donate to one of two charities that we chose. One was the hospital where he was born.
Well it was brought to my attention that the hospital never cashed the checks, so I had the daunting task of trying to track them down. It turned out to go much smoother than I had expected and I spoke to a really nice woman on the phone who did, later that day, actually find the checks.

They live in my area so there's a lot of coverage. Some of it is astounding, some of it is predictable, all of it makes you feel sad for the kids.
First there was this, in which it is revealed they were trying to bring Grandma to court to see if she could have the kids but she was drunk at the time:
http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/Adolf-Hitlers-Grandma-Drunk-Wh...

And now it turns out Dad's had some domestic disturbance problems in the past and Mom would like a free lawyer.
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/01/the_mother_of_three_hunterdon.html

So I just sold something on etsy, this is only my 2nd sale (didn't notice this problem the first time around but maybe I just didn't notice?)
Anyway, it's $10 w/$2 shipping.
I got an email saying
Congratulations on your sale at Etsy! You sold 1 item to -----

item price: $10.00
shipping cost: $2.00

TOTAL SALE: $12.00 (US)

The buyer chose the following form of payment: PayPal

BUT the email from paypal tells me
This email confirms that you have received a payment of $10.00 USD from xxxxxxx

So where's my $2 for shipping?

From the mama who never means to be such a lurker but somehow still is.
Mwah!

1. Overnight sleeping has been decidedly improved. THANK MAUDE.

2. Mornings have been me getting up 40 minutes before anyone else, enjoying coffee and computer time in quiet. Ahhhh....

3. Finally broke down and joined facebook, have had lots of pleasant little interactions with people I haven't seen in so many years and have wondered about.

So I have a nice little light blue tee shirt.
I have some sublime stitching "camp out" patterns to embroider something.
http://www.sublimestitching.com/campout.html

I want to have a shirt to wear when my dd's wearing her vest.
Something, you know, that reflects my, um, non-dorkiness um...or something...

Anything clever you can think up for me?
All I can think of is this shirt my mom had when she was my leader that said "I'm the leader, which way did they go?" but I think I want something a little better than that. Or not, I don't know. Any ideas?

Not surprisingly, my dd went the lovey route and my ds went the random route.
DD: "I am thankful we got to adopt E"
DS: "I am thankful for pickles"

I'm thankful for both of those things, too, though pickles aren't really so high on the list for me. I like me a good pickle, but come on!

My smarty pants 6 yo reading entire anthologies of Calvin and Hobbes that is. Cover to cover. Repeatedly. And he confessed that at school when they say the pledge, he says it the C&H way, which is something like "I pledge allegiance to Queen Fragg and her mighty state of hysteria..."
And his xmas list includes:
cloning machine
transforming machine
anti-gravity belt
hypno goggles...

and one of my favorites, "english muffin ULTRA PACK!"

Forecast says rain all day.

I'm cool as a cucumber.

I'm so bad at the search on this site. Anybody remember who posted it or what it was called?