bleu7102's blog

I've fallen head over heels in love. I've fallen for a house, *THE* house, that I want to spend the rest of my life in. The house I want to raise my son in, have family dinners in, spend holidays in, sew a million bags in, love my husband in, have grandchildren run around in, die in. I'm lovestruck. So is my husband.
Forget the fact that we are not looking for a house to buy, that we can't afford any house much less this house. That it will be probably 3 or 4 years before we will be in the market for a house. That this house needs two completely new bathrooms and probably a new roof and no telling what else. And that if by some freak stroke of luck we could actually buy the house it would be years before we could make those repairs. That the only way we could ever have this house is if we came into a very large sum of money. And the fact that this house is actually quite inexpensive, even in this market, makes it sting a bit more.
And then I have feelings of shame and stupidity. How dare I sit here and feel sorry for myself because I can't have a house that is nicer than what millions upon millions of people call home. I have *so* much in this life to be grateful for. My husband has a decent paying job when so many do not. We have a safe roof over our heads, we're able to make rent every month and have food in the house and clothes on our backs. We have supportive family. We have each other. And I want more?
So my logic is battling with my heart. My heart that literally feels like it's breaking, like it is mourning the loss of a love. I am forlorn for the house the will get away, *the* house. I know my heart will get over it, that my head will step in and put it back in it's place. But I needed to spill it out somewhere.
I'm sorry that I haven't contributed in forever and that this is the only safe place I feel I could spew this.

Animal's part is the fuckin best.

Those are two different topics, yet quite related today. At this time 10 years ago the Mr. and I were sitting in a restaurant eating a post wedding dinner. I doubt we were very hungry, seeing as how our wedding menu consisted entirely of desserts of all kinds. Yup, full dessert buffet, the one thing I loved about our wedding (ya know, other than the actual marriage and all). I hated my hair, hated my dress, couldn't see because I didn't have contacts and didn't want to wear my glasses while walking down the aisle, and was on the rag. But I will always remember fondly the eclairs, cheesecakes, cookies, and candy that covered the tables. If I were getting married now it would not even vaguely resemble that ceremony. For one, we would be no where near a church. But you live and learn, and we've done a lot of that in the last 10 years. We were so fucking young, I was 19, he was 20. We are so amazingly different from the kids we were then, but somehow we've managed to let each other grow into new people and stick it out. I got a good one, ladies. Not perfect, mind you, but damn fucking good.

And on to my love of Weezer. I'm listening to the new album right now, the c.d. of which was left on the counter for me this morning along with an anniversary card. He says there is more to come, we both were late with our presents this year. I didn't have his "real" present ready for him today, either. I'm having a new leather guitar strap made with our initials and wedding date on it. It's being made by an Etsy person, go handmade! It sounds kinda lame typed out, but I think it's going to look really rad. The guy cuts the letters and numbers out of leather and sews them onto the strap, and I think it's inconspicuous enough where it's not all cheesy. Anyways, I'm really digging the new Weezer, it's pretty upbeat which is not what I normally go for, but I'm pretty much a sucker for anything Weezer does. And some of the songs on this album are quite fitting for listening to on our anniversary. Almost fateful, if you believe in fate. And it makes my son dance, which is one of the funniest things ever, so that alone makes it a winner.

I love you, Jims. Here's to another 10 years, may they be as eventful as the last 10