Birdie's blog

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What's with self-doubt, anyways?

Wed, 08/04/2010 - 10:42 -- Birdie

I am solitude. I am lonely, having trouble being productive.

I could be with people if I wanted to. But then I wouldn't have a chance to get things done.

Where is the balance?

In a society where everyone seems to pair up and casual (but safe) love is not really acceptable, what the fuck do I do?

Just had to turn down a guy who wanted more. He said he needs distance now because he was falling in love with me and my son and he needs to take care of his feelings.

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I'm doing my best to go out and not smoke a cig.

Fri, 07/30/2010 - 17:09 -- Birdie

The guy I was considering visiting in a romantic way told me he plans to get monogamous with a childless 19 year old. He's 34?

He could be making that up- or it could be true- either way, it finally confirms for me what I already knew- I was deluding myself as to the kind of person he was capable of being.

Long story short- I'm going out to night to see some amazing music with one of my favorite friends who is visiting from out of town- I have no ties, no strings, no false anything in my life.

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Woke up at 5am in a cold sweat..... I'm reading between the lines in my dreams lately.

Wed, 07/21/2010 - 03:38 -- Birdie

This all seems dramatic, but I did just wake up from a cold sweat. 5 am.

Realized that the place I was planning on interning at doesn't want me doing anything other than layout- the decision of which is probably not based on time restraints or availability (like I was told), but based on the one and only design for a leaflet I sent them, which in my nightmare was ugly as hell.

1 piece. It might actually be ugly as hell- I'd post it here but I don't want to for privacy reasons.

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