It's 11:45 PM. I am up. My stomach is twisted in knots; my children are asleep. I don't even feel like watching a movie or reading a book - my typical diversions. My husband is out with a friend watching a movie; I am very happy for him to have a night out on his birthday. I have felt tired and beleaguered all day thus you might think I was ready for sleep. Apparently, not to be had.

I get panicky when I can't sleep. At times like this (rare enough, but creeping up on me lately) I feel like I'm the Only Person Awake. I so far have not resorted to medicine (altho' I've tried a few of the homeopathic remedies recommended by hipmamas) but what I wish more than anything else is something strong to knock me out; I know, not helpful in the long-term.

Why is it a Mama does most of the work around the house and sleeps the least?

This weekend for our birthday lake getaway we have four vegetarians, a vegan, a changeling (constantly going from vegan to meat-eater and back) and an omnivore scheduled to show - so far.

I will be making soft tacos with fixings: lettuce, tomatoes, roasted jalapenos, chile sauce, rice, sour cream, cheese, cucumbers - and either black beans, Hogaboom's Dipping Tofu (sans soy dipping sauce of course), or Fantastic Foods Taco Filling (thanks again, EC!). A chile relleno and simple slaw accompanies.

I love cooking for people with special food requests or needs. I love people asking me to try to cook something. One of the ways to hurt my feelings is when I say, "What would you like for dinner?" when you say, "I don't care" (OK, that doesn't really HURT my feelings, but I do feel a twinge of sadness). I am currently trying to master hamburger buns. The last batch I made worked well enough to eat last night for (boca) burgers (my son calls them Krabby Patties and some of you know what that's all about) but they aren't good enough for me to gloat about.

Topic for today's discussions - how do your kids behave in restaurants? If your children are old enough to have at least decent manners, how do your kids order and eat in restaurants?

1. After blogging about my laundry soap-making project my friend came over and dropped off three books to me. I am all fired up about Karen Logan's book (over ten years old) Clean House, Clean Planet. I am planning a shopping spree and making up non-toxic, inexpensive alternatives (castille soap, vinegar, baking soda, club soda). "It is not necessary to buy poisons or to spend a lot of money on commercially marketed natural alternatives." Now I don't know what to do with the last bits of my "typical" (toxic) cleansers.

2. My husband's 30th birthday is today and this weekend we are having a shindig out at my family's old, funky-assed Lake cabin. Mexican potluck! Beatty's chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting! Sun, sun, sun! Lake play! Great neighbors! R&R!

3. Beach trip yesterday to visit my parents where they were camping (in their giant, homemade hippie bus rig that people constantly stop and take pictures of). My parents love my kids so much and go way, way, way out of their way to play with them. I made my dad laugh. This makes me so happy.

4. I'm losing weight. Not sure how or why. I feel good but my pants are literally sliding off me. This feels bad. I can't buy any new clothes until December (my silly Wardrobe Refashion commitment) but sewing my own jeans is tricky, too (I've done it once before and ended up with FAR too large pants!). Still, it feels nice to shrink a bit.

5. Kids are luscious in the morning. Sophie snuck into my bed this early AM. Nels lies on the couch and says, "I need love ['ruv']!" and when I go hold him he says, "Mmmmm, that's good ruv." and puts his face in my boobs.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I got my pad in the mail today. First off, the flannel is perfect, and the cotton / hemp french terry is every bit as lovely as I thought it might be (I sincerely hope you keep that fabric in stock). But your labels! The whole thing is so amazingly professional, high-quality, and awesome.

This isn't a pad. It's a work of art. And because I've been using your pads for a while, I know it will hold up amazingly well. I also love knowing it was sewn on an old skool Singer, just like I use.

I bow to you, goddess. You are my new supplier for all my cloth-pad needs. I had a woman who made delicate lovelies that she hand-sewed some great details on but she stopped making them, too bad. So now it's all you, baby.

I am going to go out and make more female friends, so I can buy them your cloth pads.

http://clairedelunepads.com/

My friend sent me this article - written in 1990, but I really enjoyed it. My apologies if it's been posted and discussed ad nauseam.

"I think whites are carefully taught not to recognize white privilege, as males are taught not to recognize male privilege. So I have begun in an untutored way to ask what it is like to have white privilege. I have come to see white privilege as an invisible package of unearned assets that I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was 'meant' to remain oblivious. White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools, and blank checks."

This in particular resonated with me - not as an excuse for any action or inaction on my part, but as a summation of my experience brought up as a middle-class white American before I began to "notice" race relations in any real way:

"My schooling gave me no training in seeing myself as an oppressor, as an unfairly advantaged person, or as a participant in a damaged culture. I was taught to see myself as an individual whose moral state depended on her individual moral will."

Discussion? Play nice!

I have a quart of Land O Lakes half and half - I bought it for 39 cents! - that is approaching it's due date. I don't think I can drink it in my coffee fast enough. Anyone have a recipe they recommend?

My husband is having a hard time again and long story short, one way this manifests is him being mean to me.

While I wait for the remainder of my corset hardware to arrive in the mail, I'm making my 3-year old Nels a coat. I know, odd considering this weather, eh? The thing is, with my Wardrobe Refashion committment I have to think a bit ahead on the family's raingear - especially since I live in about the rainiest damn place, ever.

And before I get to sewing - speaking of my Wardrobe Refashion work, I made a little tool to track what clothes I need to sew and what I've finished. Download a blank template here: [ pdf ] (2 pages)

Yesterday for lunch I reheated sushi rice (carefully, covered in oven) as well as butternut squash - both leftovers. I then made my poached eggs with sesame and soy sauce. The addition of Vietnamese hot garlic sauce (for me, not the kids) and oolong tea completed our meal. I set the table, including flowers, and the children and I sat down. Everyone cleaned their plates and it was nice to have a more formal lunch with the children. I happen to like eating hot, spicy food on hot days!

Tonight I'm making my latest version of lasagna - "My Good Lasagna", so named as a joke for all the ladies who say, "Oh I'll make him up some of My Good Roast Beef," as if they have some Assy Version they also sometimes cook up. Previously food-blogged lasagna recipes: Pegs' Lasagna (a very rich meat-and-veggie) and Vegetarian Lasagna (an elaborate but well-worth-it iteration).

What makes this lasagna noteworthy? My parents are coming over for dinner and my dad likes to *repeatedly* diss my vegetarian cooking (WTF?). I wanted to make something rather simple (not "healthy") with lots of cheese, a long-simmered sauce, and only one favorite vegetable (broccoli). (P.S. besides my snooty father this will probably go over well for toddler and child eaters). The workflow and layering of this lasagna are such that you could make the meal while caring for your small children without breaking a sweat. My recipe link also includes some tips on cooking noodles correctly.

Today's topic for discussion: what is the most unhealthy / nasty / guilt-inducing meal or food you enjoy? Do you scarf it in clandestine fashion or out in the open and proud?

Another week without driving!

Living in a swamp for a hundred years is hard on a girl.

I photo-blogged our day yesterday.