I have an auto-immune condition, and right now I'm taking meds that suppress my immune system. And they're working.
I also have a kid in preschool, and a kid in elementary school.
And every week I get a cold.
Or a virus.
Or the flu.
Or a sore throat.
I am so sick of being sick!!!!!!
Even though I know I should be grateful for not being Sick.

OK, rant over.

I haven't posted in a while, so I figure it might as well be about something good:

1. It's Friday, it's raining, and I haven't had to leave the house all day.
2. I love my kid's school. Love the other parents and the friends he is making.
3. My little shit has this hilarious bowl haircut and now it makes his bratty toddlerness hysterically funny.
4. My meds for my gut are finally working, and I'm not bloated/nauseous/fatigued for the first time in almost two years.
5. I am grateful for the family and friends I love who are in my life.
6. I am grateful that the people who have been making me miserable recently are not in my life anymore.
7. I got paid just in time today to ship off most of my bills.
8. DH and I are getting along better.
9. My bedroom is clean, and I can go in there and pretend the rest of the house looks nice.
10. Homemade pizza for dinner and a pint of sorbet in the freezer.

This has been a crazy summer and I've been doing a lot of lurking here, but not much else! Anyway, here I am again...asking you mamas for advice.

My older son has started kindergarten, which has been pretty exciting (and kind of sentimental for mama). Something recently came up with his teacher - she mentioned that he hasn't been listening to her in class. This is no surprise. It's been an ongoing issue with us - something I've been working on with him, but it doesn't feel like I'm making much progress.

He's basically a good kid, but he tends to zone out. He's better at listening or following instructions in the morning. As soon as he gets tired/hungry or as the day progresses, pretty much anything you tell him goes in one ear and out the other. I hear that this is pretty typical of a boy who just turned 5, but it seems more pronounced in my kid.

What I typically try to do is to get down on his level, look him in the eye and make a request in a clear, calm tone. If he ignores me, I'll either tell him to do X or give him a consequence. Usually it's go into time out or I'll take one of his toys away for the rest of the day. But there are times when I can't stop what I'm doing and go through the whole routine (like in the middle of cooking dinner when he's running out the front door) and he Just. Won't. Listen.

Any other strategies or ideas would be much appreciated!

True mama confession: I hate playdates. The thought of standing around with another mama that I don't know that well, trying to make small talk while our kids play totally stresses me out. Which is why I usually try to arrange for my kids to play with the children of my friends. Though lately, even these arrangements have become increasingly fraught with the parenting land mines.

Case in point. My two boys are 4.5 and 2. They play together a lot and generally have a really good relationship, aside from the normal bickering over toys, etc. But lately we've been having trouble when my older son's friends come over for playdates. In most cases, the older kid doesn't want my younger son to join them, and tries to actively exclude him. Then we have to intervene, explain about sharing and including people, etc. Strangely enough, none of the other parents ever seem aware that this is happening, or else they do nothing about it.

One friend in particular is posing the most significant problem. Admittedly, this kid is dealing with a lot right now - a new sibling and a very stressful financial situation that's putting a huge strain on his parents. So he's kind of acting out because he's craving attention. But every time he comes over, he waits until someone's not looking, then does something really mean/dangerous to my little guy. He has pushed him down a hill, dumped gravel on his head, turned on the hose full in his face, repeatedly knocked him down and ripped toys out of his hands. All of this while his parents are supposedly watching him, and they do absolutely nothing. He does this stuff right in front of their faces, and they just ignore it. In fact, they are constantly going on about how well-behaved and kind their child is. Meanwhile their kid watches you, follows you around and waits for you to do something like go to the bathroom, then he acts.

I don't want to make my older son responsible for the bully, and I try to keep an eagle eye on him whenever I can. I was hosting a party the last time they came over, and enlisted another pal specifically to watch this kid...and he still managed to rip binkies out of little kids' mouths and dunk a baby underwater. These friends live close by and come over a lot. They don't deal well with any sort of criticism. But this behavior is getting worse, and I'm tired of my little son taking a beating at the hands of someone 20 pounds heavier.

I am thinking that I should enlist their help the next time something happens, and say, "How should we handle this?" Or I could just lay it out in the context of: "We've been having some issues with D's friends not wanting to play nicely with T." But I'm not sure if that's strong enough to get the point across.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. It's been fueled by the fact that I've been struggling with a chronic illness that I was diagnosed with in January, trying to balance fatigue and feeling icky with raising two kids under the age of five and working full-time from home.

Basically I am trying to get DH to pitch in more around the house, and it's been a frustrating battle. Lately I've been trying to focus on strategies and systems that I can put into place that will take the onus off of me. I hate having to constantly ask for help, or constantly remind him that I need it. I know he loves me and genuinely wants to help, but his behavior is an irritating combination of:
- ADD (as in, I ask him to do something, he does it once, then forgets from then on)
-bad training (as in, his mom never ever had him help her around the house, so he has no instinct about making his bed/doing laundry/doing dishes unless asked)
-taking me for granted.

We've been fighting a lot lately, and the constant rage I feel is draining me emotionally and spiritually. I am tired of being angry. I feel sick, I walk in on him leaving plates at the table or leaving clothes all over the floor and I just blow up and start screaming at him about how I am not the maid and who the fuck does he think he is and this relationship is slowly killing me because all I do is work and all he does is fuck off.

I am tired of being angry all of the time. And when I blow up at him, he stops listening and stops helping me and goes and hides in his man-cave and sulks and leaves me with the kids. So... not helping.

I am also realizing that I have my own issues with asking for help. As in, I am not comfortable doing it. I grew up in a family where my needs were either belittled, used against me as a sign of weakness, or categorically ignored. It was OK for my brother to flunk out of school because he had bad teachers, or attention issues or whatever, but whenever it was me I was just lazy, etc. So I'm really uncomfortable admitting that I can't do something, and my instinct when I don't feel well is usually to over-exert myself to prove that I can still "handle" everything.

But I am not handling it. And I need to get better. And I need to make the time and space to let myself get better.

So this is what I have done so far. I have stopped doing DH's laundry. I still do mine and the kids', but I'm just not doing his anymore. I haven't told him this, but eventually he will have to figure it out.

I also told him that it is his turn to cook two nights a week. They are set in stone. He is not allowed to get take-out those nights. He has to plan a meal, shop for it, make it, set the table and clean it up.

I am contemplating making him a chore chart, but I still have some dignity left.

What do you think? Is this sad? Any other ideas or strategies would be much appreciated. I am trying to take the emotion out of these discussions, mostly my frustration, and these approaches seem to be working better. He made dinner for his first "cook night" last night, and he was really excited about it...and it was a good dinner, and I got to relax.

Hey mamas - I want to get your opinions on something. My older guy is going to turn five this coming September, and DH and I are trying to decide whether we should start him in kindergarten this year, or wait until next year. If we did it this year, he'd be one of the youngest kids in his class.

I know I haven't been around here much lately, tho I have been lurking.

You know it's going to be a doozy when your day starts with a naked baby running into your room. You ask the four year-old: why is baby naked? He responds: "Oh, he pooed through his pajamas while you were sleeping. So I changed him."

It can only get better, right? Right? Still waiting on that.

For once, "Monday" and "grats" aren't mutually exclusive...

1. No fire, no smoke and no nasty cold. Not having a sore throat, for the first time in a week.

2. Light work day, and I got everything done that I needed to.

3. My little guy has started giving wet little smacky kisses. Older one says things like, "Thank you for making my dinner Mama."

4. Eight solid hours of sleep last night. Not a small feat in my house.

5. Pumpkin raisin bread and pumpkin ale.

6. Went on a nice long hike this foggy morning and saw hoofprints in the dust and a red-tailed hawk.

For some reason I'm having trouble with this, and am coming to you wise mamas for help:

So today I finally got around to the task that I dread. DS's fourth birthday is coming up next week, and it occurred to me that it was time to update the clothes in his closet. OK, really, I was getting him dressed for preschool this morning and I realized that he no longer fit into his 2T shirts. And there were like six pairs of them still hanging in there.

I have always been the type of person who has found solace and excitement in the outdoors. When I was a kid, I loved going fishing with my grandfather and swimming in the ocean. After I moved to the West Coast I got into a lot of recreational hiking. These days it's harder to do some of these things with the baby, but it's exciting to start to be able to share this stuff with my older son. I can't wait until both of the kids are old enough to do things like kayaking or camping.

First of all, let me apologize for being so AWOL this summer. We just got back from a nice long working vacation in the Pacific Northwest at DH's family cabin and I am SO SAD to be here! It was so nice to be in a climate where you can actually go outside - during the day - in the summertime - and be active without wilting from heat or humidity. Here in So Cal we've been living inside a dark house with the blinds drawn and the air on for months now. Like lizards in the desert. I love summer, and to me this is so depressing.

DH just got back from dropping ds off at preschool and told me that his teacher passed away over the weekend. Mrs. V just left the school three weeks ago, when she was diagnosed with stomach cancer, so this is all a bit unreal to me. She had just started chemo.

This morning ds approached me with a Wattsamatta U ribbon from his Bullwinkle doll. With great ceremony, he announced, "We are going to give this to you. Mommy, you won 'Mother In The World, Best Skier". He attached it to my shirt with a piece of Scotch tape, then did a little march around the room. I have been wearing it all day.

I just wanted to share my award with all of you mamas. I could not have done it without you.

XO

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/magazine/15parenting-t.html?pagewanted...

As a SAHD, DH is often taking the boys out to local playgrounds, parks and whatnot. He says he gets a fair share of weird looks from random moms and other women when he's out and about, in addition to frequent comments on his judgement, i.e. women telling him that our kids aren't dressed right or "are you sure he doesn't need a hat"? etc. When people hit me with the unsolicited advice I usually hit them back with a snarky comeback, but he's the type who just smiles and takes things in stride.

Yesterday there was a pretty serious car accident right in front of my house. A 19 y/o high school senior lost control of her car. I think her engine died on her while she was starting the car - we live on a really steep hill - and her car started rolling backward down the hill really fast with her sitting behind the wheel. It sideswiped DH's truck, came up on our sidewalk, smacked into a boulder at the edge of our driveway, caught air, hit our neighbor's tree about 6 feet from the ground, fell into our neighbor's driveway and totaled his car.

A couple of years ago I was fortunate to spend a Mother's Day with all of the women I consider mothers, in one way or another. Ever since then, I make it a point to make a little toast to them each Mother's Day, wherever they are. So here goes...

To my mom: In spite of our differences, I love you and love that we learn from each other every day of our lives.

To my grandmother: Thank you for being my kindred spirit and for showing me the magic in life. Thank you for sticking up for me when no one else did.

I really hate it when my kids are sick. As it is it feels like I am getting through my days like MacGyver - a little scotch tape here, a bent paper clip there that is keeping everything from falling apart. When one or both of them gets sick everything does fall apart. Bills don't get paid. Laundry doesn't get done. Calls don't get returned.

This stupid little thing happened among friends, and it has been bugging me for weeks. DH thinks I'm completely blowing it out of proportion, and he's probably right. But I'm curious to see whether anyone out there understands my perspective, or if I'm just completely out of line here.

In no particular order, except for #1, which is truly #1:

1. My bf. Who took me to a spa yesterday afternoon to celebrate my birthday a few weeks back. She is awesome and has always been a wonderfully supportive friend. I love her!

2. Ds pulled up a geranium today by its roots, ran it into the house and deposited it in my lap. "Mommy, I picked you a flower!" Yes, you did.

3. Hot showers and toilet paper. Two things I never take for granted, ever.

You know you're a mama when...
your babe gives you pinkeye for your birthday.
you walk into a room and see a lizard sunning itself on a stuffed Elmo doll.
you open your cereal cabinet and 23 tiny rubber tires land on your head.

And...the quote of the week:
"There's nothing wrong with you that a maraca can't fix."

No one takes care of mama.

OK, so I know it's tomorrow...but was in the mood to share some of my more notable V-Day memories. So funny how this one day can stir up so much shit.

2nd grade: For the first time ever a little boy has a crush on me. He gives me a heart filled with chocolates in front of the whole class. The one in the center is wrapped in gold foil and has coconut in the middle. He cries when he finds out that I'm allergic to nuts. I give him a kiss on the cheek and eat all of the other candies. It is the nicest Valentine's Day I will ever have, and I still remember that boy and how cute he was.