I have an auto-immune condition, and right now I'm taking meds that suppress my immune system. And they're working.
I also have a kid in preschool, and a kid in elementary school.
And every week I get a cold.
Or a virus.
Or the flu.
Or a sore throat.
I am so sick of being sick!!!!!!
Even though I know I should be grateful for not being Sick.

OK, rant over.

I haven't posted in a while, so I figure it might as well be about something good:

1. It's Friday, it's raining, and I haven't had to leave the house all day.
2. I love my kid's school. Love the other parents and the friends he is making.
3. My little shit has this hilarious bowl haircut and now it makes his bratty toddlerness hysterically funny.
4. My meds for my gut are finally working, and I'm not bloated/nauseous/fatigued for the first time in almost two years.
5. I am grateful for the family and friends I love who are in my life.
6. I am grateful that the people who have been making me miserable recently are not in my life anymore.
7. I got paid just in time today to ship off most of my bills.
8. DH and I are getting along better.
9. My bedroom is clean, and I can go in there and pretend the rest of the house looks nice.
10. Homemade pizza for dinner and a pint of sorbet in the freezer.

This has been a crazy summer and I've been doing a lot of lurking here, but not much else! Anyway, here I am again...asking you mamas for advice.

My older son has started kindergarten, which has been pretty exciting (and kind of sentimental for mama). Something recently came up with his teacher - she mentioned that he hasn't been listening to her in class. This is no surprise. It's been an ongoing issue with us - something I've been working on with him, but it doesn't feel like I'm making much progress.

He's basically a good kid, but he tends to zone out. He's better at listening or following instructions in the morning. As soon as he gets tired/hungry or as the day progresses, pretty much anything you tell him goes in one ear and out the other. I hear that this is pretty typical of a boy who just turned 5, but it seems more pronounced in my kid.

What I typically try to do is to get down on his level, look him in the eye and make a request in a clear, calm tone. If he ignores me, I'll either tell him to do X or give him a consequence. Usually it's go into time out or I'll take one of his toys away for the rest of the day. But there are times when I can't stop what I'm doing and go through the whole routine (like in the middle of cooking dinner when he's running out the front door) and he Just. Won't. Listen.

Any other strategies or ideas would be much appreciated!

True mama confession: I hate playdates. The thought of standing around with another mama that I don't know that well, trying to make small talk while our kids play totally stresses me out. Which is why I usually try to arrange for my kids to play with the children of my friends. Though lately, even these arrangements have become increasingly fraught with the parenting land mines.

Case in point. My two boys are 4.5 and 2. They play together a lot and generally have a really good relationship, aside from the normal bickering over toys, etc. But lately we've been having trouble when my older son's friends come over for playdates. In most cases, the older kid doesn't want my younger son to join them, and tries to actively exclude him. Then we have to intervene, explain about sharing and including people, etc. Strangely enough, none of the other parents ever seem aware that this is happening, or else they do nothing about it.

One friend in particular is posing the most significant problem. Admittedly, this kid is dealing with a lot right now - a new sibling and a very stressful financial situation that's putting a huge strain on his parents. So he's kind of acting out because he's craving attention. But every time he comes over, he waits until someone's not looking, then does something really mean/dangerous to my little guy. He has pushed him down a hill, dumped gravel on his head, turned on the hose full in his face, repeatedly knocked him down and ripped toys out of his hands. All of this while his parents are supposedly watching him, and they do absolutely nothing. He does this stuff right in front of their faces, and they just ignore it. In fact, they are constantly going on about how well-behaved and kind their child is. Meanwhile their kid watches you, follows you around and waits for you to do something like go to the bathroom, then he acts.

I don't want to make my older son responsible for the bully, and I try to keep an eagle eye on him whenever I can. I was hosting a party the last time they came over, and enlisted another pal specifically to watch this kid...and he still managed to rip binkies out of little kids' mouths and dunk a baby underwater. These friends live close by and come over a lot. They don't deal well with any sort of criticism. But this behavior is getting worse, and I'm tired of my little son taking a beating at the hands of someone 20 pounds heavier.

I am thinking that I should enlist their help the next time something happens, and say, "How should we handle this?" Or I could just lay it out in the context of: "We've been having some issues with D's friends not wanting to play nicely with T." But I'm not sure if that's strong enough to get the point across.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. It's been fueled by the fact that I've been struggling with a chronic illness that I was diagnosed with in January, trying to balance fatigue and feeling icky with raising two kids under the age of five and working full-time from home.

Basically I am trying to get DH to pitch in more around the house, and it's been a frustrating battle. Lately I've been trying to focus on strategies and systems that I can put into place that will take the onus off of me. I hate having to constantly ask for help, or constantly remind him that I need it. I know he loves me and genuinely wants to help, but his behavior is an irritating combination of:
- ADD (as in, I ask him to do something, he does it once, then forgets from then on)
-bad training (as in, his mom never ever had him help her around the house, so he has no instinct about making his bed/doing laundry/doing dishes unless asked)
-taking me for granted.

We've been fighting a lot lately, and the constant rage I feel is draining me emotionally and spiritually. I am tired of being angry. I feel sick, I walk in on him leaving plates at the table or leaving clothes all over the floor and I just blow up and start screaming at him about how I am not the maid and who the fuck does he think he is and this relationship is slowly killing me because all I do is work and all he does is fuck off.

I am tired of being angry all of the time. And when I blow up at him, he stops listening and stops helping me and goes and hides in his man-cave and sulks and leaves me with the kids. So... not helping.

I am also realizing that I have my own issues with asking for help. As in, I am not comfortable doing it. I grew up in a family where my needs were either belittled, used against me as a sign of weakness, or categorically ignored. It was OK for my brother to flunk out of school because he had bad teachers, or attention issues or whatever, but whenever it was me I was just lazy, etc. So I'm really uncomfortable admitting that I can't do something, and my instinct when I don't feel well is usually to over-exert myself to prove that I can still "handle" everything.

But I am not handling it. And I need to get better. And I need to make the time and space to let myself get better.

So this is what I have done so far. I have stopped doing DH's laundry. I still do mine and the kids', but I'm just not doing his anymore. I haven't told him this, but eventually he will have to figure it out.

I also told him that it is his turn to cook two nights a week. They are set in stone. He is not allowed to get take-out those nights. He has to plan a meal, shop for it, make it, set the table and clean it up.

I am contemplating making him a chore chart, but I still have some dignity left.

What do you think? Is this sad? Any other ideas or strategies would be much appreciated. I am trying to take the emotion out of these discussions, mostly my frustration, and these approaches seem to be working better. He made dinner for his first "cook night" last night, and he was really excited about it...and it was a good dinner, and I got to relax.

Hey mamas - I want to get your opinions on something. My older guy is going to turn five this coming September, and DH and I are trying to decide whether we should start him in kindergarten this year, or wait until next year. If we did it this year, he'd be one of the youngest kids in his class.

I know I haven't been around here much lately, tho I have been lurking.

You know it's going to be a doozy when your day starts with a naked baby running into your room. You ask the four year-old: why is baby naked? He responds: "Oh, he pooed through his pajamas while you were sleeping. So I changed him."

It can only get better, right? Right? Still waiting on that.

For once, "Monday" and "grats" aren't mutually exclusive...

1. No fire, no smoke and no nasty cold. Not having a sore throat, for the first time in a week.

2. Light work day, and I got everything done that I needed to.

3. My little guy has started giving wet little smacky kisses. Older one says things like, "Thank you for making my dinner Mama."

4. Eight solid hours of sleep last night. Not a small feat in my house.

5. Pumpkin raisin bread and pumpkin ale.

6. Went on a nice long hike this foggy morning and saw hoofprints in the dust and a red-tailed hawk.

For some reason I'm having trouble with this, and am coming to you wise mamas for help: