http://www.aquariumage.com/vibration.html

December 5, 2007

Copyright © 2007 by Ralfee Finn

Jupiter/Pluto Conjunction, Part One:

1. had a jam session with my drummer and old guitar player (Kjetset, not Xod) last night. It just makes me depressed that we can't find another guitar player. But, on a good note, I realize that I have become so much better as a bassist and band leader than just a year ago when K. was in the band.
I feel like my band is dying, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Particularly about being engorged and the ahhhhhh of finally being able to nurse. But, it was my left breast in my dream, which was definitely the least popular one for my kids. It may have been because the DCE was resting his head there the other night.

She took the picture herself. I am merely the talentless hack who posts these things.

Does everything have to be a clash?

Really, I can't stand the new format. Maybe it's the colors, maybe it's how the blogs are on the side, maybe it's how slow everything goes now.
Am I supposed to put this on Lyn's blog? I dunno, it's more of a vent than anything else.

http://www.mailpoop.com/index.html

thoughts?

Virtual chocolate kisses for everyone!

Anyone have PTSD resulting from sexual abuse?
Last night, I was with the DCE, being quite friendly, and I mentioned that I was on my period. He said he's not into doing with girls who are on the proverbial rag (my term, not his).

In a way, I can see that it's a preference, but, for me, it felt like a rejection of me as a woman (sorry, can't help that I bleed every month. It's cuz I'm a girl. I'm sorry for being a girl.)--and I went right to PTSD trigger-land. I have been rejected for being a girl, for having wants and needs, when the FAX only cared about the HOLE. Those of you who have been sexually abused, especially if it's been a twisted, manipulative, mind fuck kind of sexual abuse (is there any other kind?), may know that feeling of being rejected for who you are, while being expected to perform certain duties--KWIM--or face battery or rape or whatnot.

1. Craigslist (not just for getting good band equipment, FYI)
2. The inventors of the swing dance.
3. Padded bras and teeny-tiny, mostly see-through panties--for the confidence boost.
4. Ditto for Gilette for making the Venus shaver.
5. Carlo Rossi and his winery.
6. The makers of "The Black Dahlia" for creating a movie so boring, that people are pretty much forced to make out, if only for sheer entertainment value.
7. Serta.
8. Thought I'd never say this: Duran Duran, for the soundtrack.
9. The Trojan company, for their fine, fine product.
10. And, mostly, for the Dancing Civil Engineer (now, my boyfriend), for being a very sweet, very kind, very wonderful lover.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctimes/16637858.htm

Single parents seeking
By Jessica Yadegaran
CONTRA COSTA TIMES

WHEN SHE HIT 30, Rachel Sarah added a must-have item to her milk-caked mommy wardrobe: A date skirt.

The Berkeley single mother spent the first two years of her daughter's life dateless, and happy. But when her libido returned, and with it, a longing for companionship, she joined the scene.

"I was scared and unsure about getting back out there," says Sarah, now 34. "How would I balance the challenges of raising a healthy and happy little girl with the chaotic, emotionally charged world of dating?"

OMG, the DCE took me to New Wave City on Saturday night. This is a once-a-month club that happens at DNA lounge in SF. It's all '80's music--nay, all new wave music from the '80's--and people dress a little Adam Ant-ish. I felt kinda weird there. Honestly, I wasn't a huge Duran Duran, nor Visage, nor Culture Club fan, back in the day. But I did used to go to "New Wave Night" at the only bar in town that would play anything other than country music or Journey.
It was like a time warp (oh, yeh, Pet Shop Boys!), but, for me, an uncomfortable one. I really am old. In some ways. In many others, I am very in the moment (thanks, kids!, I love you!).

So, the DCE (dancing civil engineer) and I have had 4 dance lessons, and one practice. We've had dinner three times (the last time was at his house, he BBQed and I brought the salad). He asked me to go clubbing tonight (what am I going to wear?! what am I going to wear?!), at a place where they play 80's music. We talk or e-mail every other day. We've made out a couple times (somewhat hindered by my cold, waaaa!), and have started to talk about our families.
Folks, I have never done the dating thing. I've hopped into bed with my share of dudes, but not this--I think it's pretty normal--get to know someone over a period of time, thing. I'm enjoying it, but I am totally at a loss for what to do.

Both DDs and I are sharing a cold right now. Got any really good chicken noodle soup recipes? Or matzo ball, that might even be better....

So, I was cleaning this house the other day. My client used to live in Venice, CA, and she's a filmmaker, so she's seen some weird stuff. She said that a few years ago, she had a gay (boy) friend come for a visit, so she placed a craigslist ad for a short-term date for him during his stay. (Hey, if I came to visit one of you mamas, would yuo fix me up like this?). Anyway, one of the respondents was a hermaphrodite. At the time, s/he was male-indentified, but s/he had been raised female, and had spent the early part of hir adult life as a female. Somewhere along the line, this was in the kinky 70's, while trying to make it in the film industry, s/he turned to sex work as a way to pay the bills. S/he became very popular, because s/he was a chick with a dick. No, literally. Amongst hir, uh, clients, was William Shatner, the kinky fuck. And s/he got passed around among the Hollywood kinksters, as a sex freak.

I got kissed, mamas!
For those not in the know, this mama has been celibate? not gettin' none? for nearly two years--not even necking(not counting the drunken "I just love you and your kids and your band" kiss from my FTM neighbor). I'm glad, by the way, because I feel pretty friggin' good about myself these days, and I think I had to get to this point without a dude hanging around my neck.
Anyway, this was the third swing dancing class w/ the Dancing Civil Engineer. I, for one, am feeling somewhat less lost. It's starting to make sense, not just in terms of what my feet are doing, but in terms of body angles and stuff. I have danced other dance forms before, but it's been a long time. (i.e. the horizontal tango, like I said, about 2 years ago, LOL)

Well, I had one date on Thursday night. I thought I was actually going to have a lot in common with this guy, and, on the surface, that was true. Both of German extraction, both classically trained musicians (drop-outs of that scene, as well), both kinda anti-corporate. But, I found him to be a little too dishonest with himself. Someone who goes to Burning the Man for 5+ years, and then claims he's not a Burner, uh, yeh? Someone who works in the liquor industry (retail), and is not drinking currently, but claims not to be a big drinker, although many of his stories are about drinking, uh, yeh? Anyway, he wasn't a bad guy, just not my type.

I am finally auditioning a guitar player, weekend after this. A guy. I figure, it's better to get out there and do it, and maybe get more clear on a lot of things band-wise, than to write him off because he's a dangler.
I might have a date tomorrow night, with a guy--an artist with a day job. Cute, with glasses. Kinda thin. It's another CL blind date.
And, another dance lesson on Friday. With the civil engineer, cute, glasses.
Saturday, I'm having a dinner party with two other families. The kid from one family used to go to preschool with DD15, and one of the moms from the other family used to be in Placenta. She's getting her BA now. But everyone knows everyone else, and it should be a good time. Oh, yeh, the hosts might invite a friend of everyone (except me--I mean, I've met her, but I don't know her well), who's learning the bass. With an eye toward getting us together, musically.

Ooooweeeee! I had a date last night! This guy posted an ad on craigslist looking for a dance partner. Seems that he signed up for a swing dancing class, and there aren't enough girls in the class. (when does that ever happen? lucky me!) So, I said I'd game to give it a try. He's a civil engineer, my age (more or less, depending on whether or not I'm lying), cute (in a nerdy way--about 5' 10" and slim and he wears glasses) and nice. He likes cookie-monster-core, and he doesn't quite have two left feet, but he counts every step! Very endearing.
So, there's like 6 more weeks of the class, every Friday night. I've never taken swing dancing, but it was fun. Once I figured out where the feet go in the rhythm (I was like, oh! SWING. Placenta has a couple of bar-room swing songs, duh!), I had a blast. Two hard things for me: girls start on the right foot, which goes against the years of marching in the Navy. And when I have to spin, the right-left-right thing gets especially hard. But, I just laughed and laughed the more confused I got. It was fun.

So, DD15 called me at work yesterday and told me that she had set the kitchen on fire. Not to worry--she and DD12 are OKAY!! She was frying something, and the oil caught on fire. She moved the pan off the stove, and put it in the sink. The flames didn't go out (and she DID think about putting flour on the fire, to smother the flames, but she thought the flour would catch on fire.) So, she turned on the water, and, of course, there was a fireball that destroyed my curtains, and the cacti in the window, and peeled the paint.
But, she ducked, and somehow still managed to get the fire out, called 911 (and got put on hold), and then called me.

Oh, if only Bob Marley could have written such fabulous lyrics!

I remember--the cold speculum
And the oven mitts on the stirrups
And the feelin--of the sonogram
Of course, I mean the internal one

Apparently I have--a healthy endometrial lining
And normal sized follicles
There are not any--unusual formations
Although the speculum pinched a little bit, so

No tumor, no cyst (no, no cancer!)
No tumor, no cyst

Leaving the rest to your imagination.

Anyway, everything looks great. No dermoids, no fibroids. Had a blood draw to see how my hormone levels are doing.

So, the twingey pain? The NP said that I may be feeling ovulation as I never have before.

There's a little nekkidness in it, so you might want to screen before you show it to more sensitive folk.