hi all,

i started journalling in blog form, check it out if you like. http://verityrae.blogspot.com/

in my new apartment. i kinda like the area after exploring a little. mom was here this weekend with my stuff from her house. i was a total hormonal bitchy stressbag to her. i apologized. i wish she was still here. i wish i could live closer to my mama. it hit me hard today that i'm alone and pregnant. this is the first time since i got pregnant that i haven't lived with family or friends that are like family. i can't believe at one point i was trying to get pregnant and planing to be a single mom. i know lot's of people do it, but i now know the reality of it and it's hard as hell.--read more >>

I went to a single parents support group last night and it was great!--read more >>

i rented a room. i'm happy to have a space of my own but have reservations. the add sounded perfect.."share lovely 2 bedroom with single mom to be in her 40's, medium room with a garden view, $570/mo." it's actually a very small 2 bedroom in a huge apartment complex. the woman is waiting for an infant to foster and then adopt. she seems fine...calm, likes kids, bi, hippy-ish...we don't have much in common but she and the situation seemed safe to me. i've come across a bit of discrimination against living with babies and dogs so decided to take this even though it's not perfect.--read more >>

I finished the 4 day film shoot and just got back from my baby shower. It's been a crazy, busy week. The shoot went well though the days were much longer than anticipated and I'm exhausted! Thursday/Friday was super crazy I worked from 2:30pm to 4am, went home, slept for two hours then went to the airport for my flight to L.A. at 9:30 am. It would have been alot even not pregnant, but I was delerious. --read more >>

sometimes i'm such a spaz (i love that word). i worked myself into a total frenzy over a film continuity issue. fullblown anxiety, geez. --read more >>

yeah, so i'm depressed again and trying not to panic. trying sooo hard to get everything together. i guess it was the disappointment that the job didn't work out that triggered it again. i was so relieved that i could start looking for a place and then it became clearer and clearer that the job wouldn't work....that i'd actually lose money doing it. it's been almost two months since i moved here and started sleeping in my friends living room. they are great, supportive and say it's fine, but i feel bad about taking up their space. it's a small house. i also need to nest, desperately.--read more >>

i've been looking and have started a list, i even have a first choice as a maybe

Verity- my favorite so far. i heard it in an english period movie a while ago, it means truth.
Violet
laurel
bijou
sydney
devin
avery
amia
solange

still looking...

i had my 20 week sonogram today. she has all of her parts, it was soooo sweet to see her again:-).

hi all. so....i have a blind date tonight. i've been seriously so overrun hormonally, so oversexed that it's distracting me from getting stuff done. i've gone out dancing a couple of times and also to the glbt pride stuff...all with the hope (in back of mind) of meeting someone to have sex with. i discovered that i feel too insecure and wierd hitting on someone while pregnant. yeah, so i've resorted to online dating. i'm meeting him at a cafe this evening and we'll see where it goes from there.--read more >>

yay! i have a one day commercial makeup job that pays $400. it's such a relief to get anything, but something i actually love doing is awesome

3:30 pm same day: i got a call for a full time makeup job for a tv show! it starts monday on a trial basis, you know to see if we like eachother. i can't see why it wouldn't work out, i've never had a problem with employers not liking me or my work. i'm so excited! feast or famine, i tell ya. this job is $600./day!!

it's up and down daily. today i feel a little bit better. it's amazing how one little positive possibility can change my outlook. i may have a makeup job on friday! it's 90% solid, i'm just waiting for confirmation and details. it will be a commercial shoot for B of A online. it's a one day job that pays $400. big ones. yaaay!--read more >>

about 2 years ago i started an e-mail/text sex relationship with someone from myspace. i dropped out of sight for several months while dating someone and we just started up the talk again. it's harmless and fun...he just sent a very provocative pic and we will be exchanging more. it helps a little bit with the lonliness without the worry of emotional involvement, which is too much for me at this point.

i have to say that being pregnant is making me want sex, badly, almost always...--read more >>

it's so extremely hot here! swollen feet are not lovely. i've been volunteering a bit for the SF GLBT film festival as a distraction. --read more >>

she's the niece of my closest friend. she just caught her husband looking at kiddie porn online. she has two little kids. she of course left him and is on her way to oakland to stay with her auntie while she looks for housing. it happens to be the same house i am staying at, so it'll be like a commune! thankfully she just got a great job here and has been planning to move anyway, it's just earlier than she'd expected. i've known her since she was about 12 and she's 22 now, a really sweet and super intelligent person. please send your healing, positive vibes her way.

thanks--read more >>

lately i've been thinking about how tiresome it must get for some people that most of what i talk about is baby related. bad BD issues, pregnancy, moving and looking for work while pregnant...so i try not to let these issues take over all of the time. but i'll let it out her..., hopefully soon, when i'm more settled, i'll have other stuff going on to talk about.--read more >>

1-had an interview at a temp agency today and it went well
2-i'm healthy
3-medi-cal transfer is is in motion
4-i still have food stamps
5-i can tell when the baby moves
6-i'm excited for june in s.f.***glbt pride, film festival, lot's of fun and friends***
7-i love my friend "A" for being so wonderful and supportive
8-black china bakery vegan chocolate cake!!!
9-ice water
10-free wifi cafes

ok so i've made the move. i'm now staying at my dear friends house in Oakland. she has a comfy couch bed and that's where i live. i'm up and down. alot. pretty rough right now. i arrived last thursday and have been looking for a temp job. can i say again that i totally resent the baby's daddy? if he wasn't so scary and shitty i could have stayed at my mom's, which would have made things so much easier. i feel totally shell shocked and freaked out. have to keep reminding myself why i had to move without enough money saved and no job... i kinda had to. what are my options?--read more >>

me at 13 weeks. boobies are huge already! i plan to take pictures all the way through, this is the first one because i'm now showing. it seems so early, but my sister said she was showing early also.

the baby's daddy is such a shit. he's a manipulative, selfish prick and i have now cut him off from contact completely. after the baby's born i'll check in with him and if he has his shit together...then...i don't know...all i want is for the kid to know his/her father if it's not a damaging situation.... but i never want to see or talk to him again--read more >>

1-it's the end of the first trimester
2-i heard the heartbeat yesterday, strong and healthy
3-i love watermelon
4-i told my ex girlfriend that i'm pregnant and she was so happy and supportive about it. we tried to have a baby a few years ago
5-i'm moving from here in two weeks
6-i've been walking alot and it helps my mood
7-had a nice nap today
8-got some clothes that fit my new form
9-i made delicious strawberry shortcake (almost all i think about is food)
10-it's sunny and warm today

i've been in a messed up state of mind for the last couple of days. so overwhelmed by all of the changes happening. i'm insanely stir crazy and ready to move back to the bay area NOW. my plan has been to go at the end of the month but there's really no reason to be here for that long. needing to get my life set up somewhere more permanent.--read more >>

i can't figure out how to post it here. you can see it on my profile though. can anybody tell me how to put it in the body of the post?

i had my first ultrasound today! sooo cute. the little thing has a strong heartbeat and was bouncing all over the place. i have a few printouts from it, so sweet. he/she is measuring at 11 weeks. it made me very happy to see. my mama went with and is overjoyed.

1. i made truffles today, actually i'm still making them.
2. my 1/2 sister that i haven't met yet is awesome
3. set a date to move back to s.f.
4. finally had a medical appointment so am less stressed about being pregnant.
5. have an ultrasound this friday!
6. am spending a week in l.a. dog sitting, going to a makeup artist trade show and catching up with a good friend.
7. my ticket to l.a. is paid for in exchange for dog sitting
8. i didn't throw up today
9. the fetus is still in me
10. i'm in the double numbers now, 10 weeks pregnant