So, I'll get around to posting some more of the Story on the New Girl eventually. It's something I have to be in the right mood to write about. Sometimes I just don't feel like remembering to write about it. It's something I need to do though. I think it would be some good self therapy.

I had been waiting with urgency to meet the guy for over a month, ever since my dad came home and told me he saw a guy that he thought I would be crazy about. Now, my dad had never tried to fix me up before but I had been so lonely and depressed for almost a year. I had lost my first love and the boy who had said he was going to marry me, the boy who literally caused my heart to stop and took my breath away the first time I ever saw him. I lost him due to nothing more than.."I'm too young to be this comfortable with anyone. My god, I walk around your house in my boxers!"

So..I had been lonely. I built the "guy" up way before I ever met him. I just KNEW that this was the guy I was going to marry. I KNEW this based on "He's got kinda long light brown hair that curls at the end, not sure what color his eyes were (they are blue and glossy) but they sure stood out, and he rides a 4-wheeler." Hmmm. What was going on in my head?? I KNEW I was going to marry this guy because of THAT!!!???

My Dad had bought a farm across the road from the "guy's" family. My brother moved into the house that was on the farm. I began to spend a LOT of time at my brothers. Waiting. To meet him. Every time I heard a 4-wheeler I would fly out of the house. Don't ask me what I thought I was going to do. Flag him down? Dance naked in the yard and hope he noticed? Bahhaha!! NOO!! I just wanted to see him. It felt more like I NEEDED to see him.

I had been doing this for over a month. I still had never seen him. I'm outside on the porch steps, smoking. Hair wasn't brushed, tank-top and cut-offs, hairy legs (I hadn't felt like shaving), and of course no make-up. I hear the 4-wheeler. I start to get up and go in the house because I was a mess, but no, I had waited too long. I was GOING to get a glimpse of him. It's not like he would be pulling up into the driveway and seeing me up close.

He pulled into the driveway.

Turned off the engine. I look at him..no heart flip-flops, but a very good looking guy and blue eyes like none I had ever seen before. I took in his ripped jeans, white muscle shirt, and black bandanna. OH YEAH. Here's my bad boy!

"Wanna go for a ride?" "Sure." The words that have forever changed my life.

Now, I'm not a girl that just hops on or in any vehicle with some strange guy. I'm a shy girl. Never been a girl with a reputation. But, you see..this guy was different. This was the guy I was going to marry.

I've never done this sort of thing.
Blog that is.

I'm at a time in my life that I've discovered that I've lost myself somewhere along the way. Over the past 10 years or so all of my creative energy has just slowly been sucked out.

So...here I am. New to this group of mama's. Trying to find myself and a little spot for me in this world. A little place where I am free to just be myself.

Hello, everyone. I have enjoyed reading your posts for several days now. I have found it to be very relaxing to sit and read with a cup of coffee in the morning. I guess it's just good to see that your not alone with some of the things that you go through and other people have these feelings too!