Hey mamas, how are you? I have had one helluva week but my experiment finally worked!!! I had to rid myself of stress and tension and take it all very slow and really picture the ligation and annealing and it worked!! What a relief! 10 reasons why life is (still) peachy!
- taking the babe to her pre professional dance school programme last Sunday, they built a new studio which you can see in through all 4 walls, i watched the end of her jazz technique class, she rocked it and had this counterpoint timing that made her stand out. All the girls are so beautiful, all different skin tones and sizes but they have more in common with each other physically than they do with their own families! They have this innate grace and subtlety that can break your heart. All these long supple backs and legs.
-Birdhouse in your soul, they might be giants, do you remember this? Its great
-LOst, finally its cooking! ben Linus is forgiven! I think we should all forgive ourselves and everyone else immediately to celebrate.
-veggie sausage for breakfast, the babe had lemon sponge and custard, decadent, no?
-I am watching Lost boys tonight as a Corey Haim memorial, love that film. addiction is one helluva hard row to hoe. The rigorous self honesty required to overcome it is no picnic
-taking a mental health day from the lab and visiting a friend.
-my sharona, the knack
-enough money in the bank to pay a tax bill,making it JUST, but making it
- trashy novel,luxury chocolate and baby's breath for mothers day
-the sun, I am a moon person but you gotta hand it to the big cahuna, it does a stand up job keeping this planet on the boil. Every single food chain begins with the sun accept a couple of geothermal crevices in the midatlantic where a few bacteria live off a bit of sulfur and in turn feed some prawns. I like the way life has inserted a little sun get out clause, a good reminder not to put all our eggs in one basket!
I am going to exercise now, have a great weekend!
love meds

Hello Ladies! I am very chatty this weekend, I think posting twice in a couple of days is a first! But I just feel so good I thought I would spread it around! 10 things I like:
- Xanadu video, I heard this tune on the radio the other day and it inspired me too you tube it. What a video!
Olivia nexton john is a bona fide fox, what do you expect from a lady that played 16 at 30, lived most of her adult life in an international jetset menage a trois and beat breast cancers ass! I love the bit where she sings soulfully into the eyes of a man with a perm doing the splits on a tightrope! I think I just found the theme for my future wedding with bridesmaids in halter tops doing jazz runs down the aisle.
-This special paint you can get that turns any wall into a white board!
-My new home fitness DVD, the Tracey anderson method. It is like a combination of really hard core eighties dance aerobics and pilates done standing up and the arms section is great. I am naturally quite a muscular person with a background in dance and ballet and gym and it is not often I can't complete leg reps but this video is a killer plus you aren't just hitting the same groups all the time! If its good enough for madonna its good enough for me!
-I am scheming a plan to own my own home. My living situation is complex what with the custody of the niece and all and I have been renting, sharing, compromising for years and I gotta say I am sweeter, nicer and more appreciative person for it! Now however my Mum and I are cooking up a scheme whereby i can maybe build my own little place basically on her drive, it is tiny BUT it would be my own. This way I get privacy and security and the niece gets me plus my mum plus her uncle, a whole extended family and a lot of continuity and family and support. This will be especially important when I start full time work in 18 months cause if I want to do surgery I have to put some hours in. I can see a great plan forming and i feel dizzy at the thought of some private space!
-tinned rhubarb and custard
-True blood
-David attenboroughs planet earth series, I just finished the last DVD. what an awe inspiring show. I cannot recomend it highly enough,kids love it too.
-cute men, I met one yesterday, he was attached but I was just looking. I like thin lips on fellas, is that wierd ?maybe cause mine are very full and opposites attract? WEll this one had these nice thin, sardonic lips and a big nose and lots of little black hairs on the back of his arms and peeping out of the neck of his t shirt, that plus tall is my ideal, its nice to be reminded it does exist
-friends
-following your heart. 6 years ago I first thought about med school. I didn't have the qualifications, money, the family support, any connections or even a regular place to live and I had just gained custody of a very distressed four year old but i KNEW that taking care of her and going to medschool were the right things to do and that if i put all my efforts into them everything would be ok. The last 6 years have been the best of my life. I had to put some stuff on the back burner; socailising, spending money on myself, sex, men but the rewards have been so great. In 18 months I will be earning a good wage, buying a property and loving my job, whilst my niece is just growing into a more and more accomplished and lovely young woman by the second. When she is 18 I will be 38! I,m wearing pretty well, plenty of time to have a fabulous non domesticated life then!
Love on a sunday
meds

i am happy today, I just had an uber decadent breakfast of garlic ciabatta and bacon plus greek yoghurt and honey! i doubt the billionaires of this world ate any better, they probably have bee pollen or some such other shit in a misguided attempt to live forever! Sometimes I like a bit of bee pollen and want to live forever too but not today!

10 things I am grateful for today;
- I am beating the lab into submission! I have had a bunch of revelations about study design and I have designed all my own controls. I am changing the scale of my thinking to a molecular level. I am learning how to build a line of reasoning using the best quality literature and factoring in the limitations of my techniques. I am getting there!
- Lady GAGA, did anyone see her Brits performance? i was hypnotised! She has created herself in her own image and I think that there is a really good heart and fierce intelligence at the centre of it all. I think that that lady is going to great things in this world, not just in music."I'm a free bitch baby", me too, GAGA, me too!
- I had a little cry at a friends dinner table last night, the circs are not important but something deep inside me released and I got a killer insight! people are fabulous but you can't build your life on them, those suckers are always changing, god love em! You have to put yourself on deep foundations, the great reality deep inside you! That way you can just enjoy the peeps, they cannot threaten your personhood and even if relationships change its all still cool!
-3rd and Delaware; this is best website ever! It pictures and describes the fashion on Roseanne! Amazing! It also reminded me how great and truthful and real Roseanne was! I loved that show as a kid. My teenage crush was dArlene, I'm not gay but Darlene transcends gender but these days its Dan that floats my boat, what a man! What a partner on lifes road, what a father, what a dream boat!
-Unsatisfied by the replacements
- Modern Love by david bowie
-My new moisturiser, I am dewy looking for reals
-My kids school- I,ve said this before but I mean it! This week my kid had the following extra curriculars FREE-3 maths support clubs, dance club, choir, drama club and creative spanish club! She is also starting creative writing club and karate! She is a lucky bunny and got 100% on her latest maths quiz! If I tell you that she got 20% on her last assessment you can see why I am so stocked!
-water
-Tonight Lost and True blood is on! I am going to iron and clean and crushout ladies!

all my best wishes to everyone!
meds

hello, hello! I woke up today feeling GOOOOD for the first time in a month and a half, I kindof didn't realise that I hadn't been feeling good until I felt good again. I wasn't insanely miserable, just a little out of whack BUT I am really proud of myself cause I didn't do anything insane, there is not a ton of mess to clear up,bills got payed,obligations fulfilled even at my worst I am doing pretty good! Some things that I am joyously grateful for today;
- Courage, I needed it this week. After my plagiarism debacle I had to go back to the department of surgery and cancer, into the lions den, for a lecture. The lecture was the woman who had flagged up the plagiarism and who I have other negative history with! I heard her say my name to another member of staff; she knows my name for all the wrong reasons, this is unusual for me! I had also been told that she had tried to give me an insanely low mark that the other markers had not agreed with as the work I had done was evident. I went in with my head held high. The lecture was great and had some stuff that was useful, I answered a question. Regardless of what she thinks I forgive myself.
-RAD51 is rad! The new gene I am studying has captured my imagination; did you know every cell in your body has 3m of DNA in it if it was all stretched out! AS you can imagine sometimes that stuff breaks and RAD51 steps in to repair it. Each chromosome has a pair and Rad repairs stuff by unwrapping your other chromosome and making a little pattern out of it and scooting that pattern over to the broken one to use as template for repair! Did you realise you were so amazing?
-My kid, I am spending the day with her today, she is practising hard for a ballet exam and we are finishing a wall hanging for school. She is going through a little phase of being her own worst enemy at the moment, getting in her own way on stuff. I am trying to teach her that she can do and be anything that she wants but that every choice has consequences and also that if she gets stuff done then she is free to go have a ton of fun. I am not strict but I am thorough! I think hormones are kicking in big time and its natural for her to assert herself but we have always been so close it is hard!
-Hair straighteners, I bought some ritzy hair straighteners a while back and it has been the investment of my life! My hair is like of intermediate texture between straight and curled and it is very coarse texture and frizzy. I cannot get the curl to activate so I have gone down the straight route and my god these straighteners give salon results in like 5 minutes and allow me to wear my hair down everyday which is the most flattering look for my face. It may seem shallow but when I look good and polished I feel good and I expect more for myself. I know I should work on creating these feelings without a fancy hair do but whilst I'm learning that these straighteners are amazing.
-My kids school, it just got put in the top ten state schools in the country and it is giving her the opportunity to go to Catalonia and this school is 15 minutes from my place! She loves it.
-Books, what the hell would I have done all of these years without em. i actually get a lovely warm fuzzy feeling when I think about retirement and the ability to read unapologetically for days on end!
I hope evryone is doing good!
Love meds

10 things I am grateful for today!
-Garlic butter and anchovies smooshed in to a jacket potatoe
-Lost; it starts in the UK tomorrow, no spoilers please people! I got my popcorn and chips.
-MIT open course ware, you need to know about RNA? how's about the boss of the human genome project teaches you all about it, what a man. Eric Lander is totally hot! Also he has some great stuff on MIT world too.
- Cell culture, I grew some cancer cells in a little dish today and extracted their RNA, then I am going to make a complementary strand of DNA out of my RNA and mix it up with the a sequence of nucleotides that codes for the RNA I am looking for. I love RNA, RNA was the first self-replicating i.e. one definition of "living" molecule. Basically a chemical compond came alive and do you know origin of life scientists have artificially created this in a lab! A self -replicating molecule!
- My aunt always there on the phone making me laugh
-My kid, it has been challenging, two emotional meltdowns over 2 days, bad behaviour like I have never known, tantrums! I spelled it out today, its not happening. You have to express stuff in a reasonable way not let bad temper escalate and get mouthy, cheekiness is ok but its been outrageous. I am on your side baby believe it! Privileges have been suspended in a loving way as a learning aid. We are in this together poochy I am not the enemy, infact there is no enemy!
- washing machines
- water
-my hair, its looking good also I gotta nice little wrinkle under my right eye, just a tiny feathery line. I like it! When my face is expressionless is it as smooth as a baby's bum and then when I laugh this little tiddler and a few others pop up, Its like having two faces and they're both cute!
- my friends pulled together for me this week I got bought one meal and made another. I apreciate this stuff.
I hope everyone is well and making their dreams come true, sometimes just making it to the end of the day is the dream. Thank you so much for all that you guys have brought to my life.
Love
meds

Thank you so much to all of the mamas that reached out to me during my plagiarism crisis! i went to see my convener and basically laid it out, took responsibility and apologized. I was totally crying! She was amazed, she was like I know that this was unintentional this session is for your benefit and this issue ends now with no record of it, its a learning experience! It was more of a technical issue about a methods section and certain specific scientific language. My actual project supervisor had my back 1000%. So I learnt a good lesson, I was humbled at depth publicly and I gotta tell you it was good for my soul!
DC for some reason my computer is not letting me comment on your last entry. thank you personally for your input as always it was right on the money! You have an amazing ability to create a mood and an emotion with just a few words, i cannot imagine what you are achieving with a film crew!

see you later mamas keep on truckin
meds

hello mamas, I usually keep stuff positive in this blog but I am in the shit and I need to tell it. I got an e-mail today from the convenor of my course saying an assignment I had handed in had been flagged up as plaguairism. I called her and she confirmed that some of the quotes had been wrongly referenced and it constituted plaguirism.

I was totally shocked. Its not THAT big a deal in one sense, I will get a 10% penalty however, there is another piece of work that if this work has come up as plaguerised , then it definetly will. I was so tired, stressed when I did it, ihave been looking at it and I have no idea what is mine, wether the references are correct.

Infact I know that it is plaguarised, I can't believe that I didn't see it I was in a daze. I am so ashamed. I have been in med schoool for 5 years, a top student, no problems and now I have transferred to a new faculty for my masters and everything has gone to shit.

I do not know what the consequences will be. I have been assured that the first one is not a big deal but the second one may change that. I am going to go in tommorrow and tell the truth and let the cards fall where they may. At this point my integrity is more important than my reputation. None of this was intentional or malicious, just stupid.

I am a good person, I am a good doctor. This does not impact on my medical degree, which is safe but it may on my academic career, well I got to take it on the chin. I've noticed a few people have spoken about losing touch and giving up on academics and regrets. I am going to take strength from those posts and not give up. I am gonna do the hardest thing and live with my mistake.

This seems so petty when compared with other peoples problems. I am still lucky, blessed and grateful. ijust learnt something about myself that I don't like but thats not the first time that that has happened and atleast now I can change it.
thanks guys

Hello Ladies, Happy New Year! This is a little late but I have been under a deadline for the last two weeks. I have been reading though. I love this site, it kind of reminds me of a changing landscape or shoreline with all kinds of treasure washing up with the tide.Well anyway, 10 reasons that I grateful in 2010!
-submitting my paper and poster, my work was NOT at publication stage for reasons entirely out of my control but I ground it out. It was ok, it was the best I could do and that is good enough.
-My mum who proof read the mutha, her eye is impeccable and she tolerated my crabbiness. Thanks Mum I love you
-MONEY!!! I got an unexpected windfall! I totally thought that I was not eligible for a student loan this year BUT I was and I got it! I had not factored it in so I had the bills covered and this was extra. I hit the sales and spread the wealth. I got earmuffs and stella mcartney at the gap kids gear (75% off!!), like 2 pound for a shirt in lovely soft fabrics and a real high class colour palate for the kid plus some support books in maths and science and a new school coat, for myself I got a couple of work dresses, a huge surgery book and some new makeup, I splashed out a little at the clinique and YSL counter i.e. I bought 1 thing from each! and the girls there gave me a bunch of free stuff and I am going back for a facial and makeup from both counters over the next two weeks for free!
- In the free book exchange in my lab there was a copy of Jilly Cooper rivals, I have been looking for this in thrift shops and there it was waiting for me! Sex, horse riding and poetry.
- Peanut butter and wholemeal toast, an apple and a pear for breakfast.
- My sister, we had a hardtime with each other last year. I love her so much and I know what she is worth, when she can't see it and does not behave accordingly, it gets me mad, sparks fly. I stopped trying to be her priest/psychotherapist/mother/doctor this holiday. I bought her some Pjs,took her out for a meal and let her get on with her freakin life. She is grown, what will be will be.
- Dcs new years night out, I lived through it vicariously. I love it when you meet someone else and you talk straight into each others mouths, briefly your souls align, you are in the chaos but not of it and no one can touch you unless you reach out for them.
All the best for 2010 DC, I wonder where you will be next NYE!?!
- SNOW! Liverpool is a winter wonderland . The other evening the snow sparkled like a thousand, no a million diamonds! urban snow is like beautiful woman, it can hurt people but in the right light you don't care, you must have more. The reflected light makes everyone look like a richard avedon picture and the rosines of cheeks is beyond description.
- Trapeze conditioning has been on the back burner because of academics but its back with a vengeance.
- clearing house in every sense of the word. This weekend I am ridding myself of everything that is not beautiful, useful or emotional in my home. I am emptying my e-mail inbox and writing some letters to people I owe an apology too. I am giving myself a clean sheet and I am giving every one else one too!

Love from meds

hello, hello I've enjoyed everyones posts so much over the holiday. Its so great to dip out of whatevers going on and dial into something else for a couple of minutes. Its very restorative. It has been snowy and icey here and so we have been hosebound, eating lots of great food and playing board games. A good holiday and time to think though KD has had a real chesty cough. I have basically allowed her to stay in , in Pjs not wash hair etc and I am determined to be rid of it before she goes back to school.

10 pre new year grats;
- money, ok I know money is not real, its a concept, a shared delusion. I do not and never have valued money for its own sake. To me what money represents is time and opportunity. Time as a working mum is my most precious comodity so money helps me save time and make the best use of the time I have. I have always had a very defiant and I don't care attitude to cash but lately I have been trying to change my feelings about it and tap more into a feeling of financial abundance. As a student I am on a low income but I have been trying to feel like everything is ok and that I will always have what I need. often I have wanted certain things and thought no I can't afford it and the money I would have spent on what I wanted has kind of just dissapeared into the ether and I have nothing to show for it! Since I have been thinking this way things have got better. I have recieved some extra cash from surprising sources and some things I have wanted for a long time have turned up at massively reduced prices. The next step is the mortgage, the pension. I KNOW I can make this work. I'm growing up!
- Central heating!
- the style rookie blog, does anyone read this? This is a blog written by a 13 year old girl who is really into high fashion and photographs the outfits that she creates fron second hand stuff inspired by mainly comme de garcons. It is so sweet and inspiring and kind of antifashion/fashion! Also she is a great writer by anyones standards.
- Where the wild things are, loved the book my whole life can quote it verbatim and I LOVED the film, the pathos, cruelty and love of children. Me and KD cried and cried happy/sad tears.
-LK BEnnet, this is an english high end clothing line. I really splashed out and bought myself a dress from there for my recent surgical presentation triumph. The stuff looks very plain and conservative but when you put it on the cut sings. I have always struggled with the professional dress required for my job but this line is tailored for my body shape, and when you consider that I am a 34 FF bra size you realise how unusual this is for me! The whole line is stuff that you would see marylin monroe and Liz taylor wear in the 50s/60s, were you don't remeber the outfit you just remember the body!Also Joan from mad men, i.e decorous, professional, dignified yet indisputably HOT.
-Anatomy, I am redoing anatomy from scratch in preperation for my surgical post grad exams. Love it ! Last night I did skin and it never fails to make me gasp in wonder. I am spending a year on this 1, 1/2 pages a day . This is the cornerstone of my future practise.
-Michelle mynx, you tube this lady girls. She is the inspiration for my future as a part time burlesque trapeze artist.
- Oat meal and yoga, my tapeze conditioning starts today!
- spray cream in a can, only at Christmas!
- MY will. today I have to start a peice of written work on a project that has been full of problems and that I don't at the moment have a hell of a lot of belief in. HOWEVER, this is an important part of my course and will have huge value for me as a learning experience me even if the science is flawed. I am chanelling enthusiasm and interest and regardless of my feelings I will start and give it 110%! I can feel myself starting to enjoy it already!

Take the best possible care of yourselves!
meds

Hello mamas,
I promised I would tell about my trapeze class so here goes;

When I got to the studio it was actually static trapeze not flying as the instructor emphasises you aceiving safety and control through your own strength rather than just getting strapped onto stuff. We did a lot of warm ups, running and stretching and some ball games designed to wake up your brain. I was so excited i could not stop looking at the trapeze!

Me and another new guy then worked with an instructor, the trapeze was about 5 feet up and you basically gripped on, alowed the trapeze to take your weight, engage a little upward lift in the shoulders then you used your abdominals to lift your legs up and catch the bar with your feet. You then boosted upwards until you were in "hocks" with the back of your knees bent over the bar, you let go with your hands and swing!

Then you use your abdominals again to swing your body up and catch the ropes, "the velvets" with your hands. You straighten up and volia your seated!WE then progressed to some tricks, like standing!, the mermaid, the russian angel! I have to say it was amazing but exhausting, as the evning progressed it got harder and harder to get up there.

I was also limited in choice of tricks I could do as my hands did not have sufficient grip strength and were just too soft! The rope just ran through them. MY palms were ruby red and boiling hot by the end of the session. Apparently seasoning your hand is something that happens over time.

It is a compelling activity and addictive no matter how much it hurts you need to get up! Obviously though my hands and their sensitivity are extremly important too my job! I have been looking at gymnastic hand protectors and if I can make them work I will definitely continue,if not there is the option of doing silks work instead. I am going to give it a good try though!

The trapeze is so unyielding, it looks friendly but it doesn't help you at all, all the power comes from you and if you hesitate it is punishing BUT the feeling of satisfaction when you find a new point of stability and security in such an alien environment is electrifying. It is also very motivating fitness wise as I woke up this morning thinking what can I do to today improve my trapeze!

Bye ladies

hello mamas,
how is everyone? I am great and I settling into pre Christmas reverie quite nicely. I am doing a minimalist geurilla style Christmas this year though obviously with kids you gotta put some effort in. i will NOT be peeling vegatables however, I am getting a dressed lobster instead which we will be eating off our knees in front of the Queens speach.
10 grats;

- Hip mama, I love this community!
- The Radio times this is an English phenomena also known as the "Telly book" published every year listing the christmas TV which you need to go through with a different coloured marker for each member of the family; this year my highlights include Grey gardens the film and the documentary, the Royal ballet in Cuba and the Muppets Christmas Carol.
-The flying trapeze; on Monday I am fulfilling a lifetime dream and attending a flying trapeze workshop!I can hardly speak about this its too sacred
- Ghetto beutician; this evening for the first time in months I had some freetime, obviously for freetime read a thousand domestic and academic duties to take care of plus a fractious ill 11 year old to supervise BUT relativle speaking there were no pressing deadlines for the first time in a long time. After panicing briefly I decided to give myself a home produce make over;shine boosting olive oil hair treatment, smoothing porridge oats body scrub and soothing honey face mask, cost around 30p! I feel great! This stuff works especially the porridge which smells fantastic
- Futurama
- carrots I've been eating these raw and they are great
- my little girl, last night we watched some contemporary dance commemorating the ballet Russe and it inspired some home choreography! It was fun and cause her lines are so lovely it had artistic merit, I was moved!
-Rhubarb crumble and custard, I got some in my fridge calling to me
-the books by my bed and the my fantastical eyes that allow me to read them
-the artic wastes I love being in my home thinking about the wildlife at both poles; wolves padding across the snow and howling at the moon, killer whales plunging to the icey depths and polar bears asleep in their dens. I love lying under the warm duvet and thinking about this, this is all happening right now!
Bye Bye and take care

hello hip mamas, I feel a little inhibited blogging today as there have been several negative references to a comment I made on DCs blog. I kind of took the stance that i was not going to continue to talk about this mainly cause I didn't want to add to DCs load in any way but I can't just continue blogging without referencing it. Honesty and truth telling is what attracted me to this site and what gives it its power, a power I have definitely experienced!

The comment I made that has caused so much to do quite clearly stated "in this context": by this I was referring directly to the background that Dc had described to this situation. I am not going to list specifics of someone elses life here however I was NOT making any kind of statement about pregancy, teen pregnancy or accidental pregnancy in general. I did not interpret this situation has an accident or a contraceptive failure.

As for my diamonds down the toilet comment that has been described as harsh. Maybe you should know a bit about my situation, my sister gave birth at 17 in less than perfect circumstances, I was 19 and we were both living chaotically with no wider family support. Throughout my nieces life I have been there 110% to such an extent that I took over her full time care when she was 4. I am absolutely commited to my neice and provide for her in every respect.

I would do what I have done for my niece a milllion times over and have no regrets BUT for a significant amount of time I invested a lot of energy in trying to prop up an unworkable situation, tried to pull along my sister and carry her when she had no interest or investment in changing. This is heart breaking, exhausting and, until someone wants to change, pointless. This stuff can make you crazy, literally.

This is the great lesson of my life and whenever I get the chance to share it I do. My language in my comment was direct and visceral cause it was to DC. That is her approach she shoots from the hip and I love her for it. She gives out honesty, blood and guts and thats what she wants back. She was laying her experience out on the line and i responded in kind. My experience from the fontlines, not theory or rhetoric.

maybe your experience has been different to mine thats great tell me about it! I don't mind being challenged at all. I read a few things about relative contributions or time served on this site. I am new but I honestly did not see this as at all relevant, I am certainly not new to the effects of teenage preganacy on the wider family and parenting!

DC is a huge part of why I joined this community. I personally have got so much from her posts and her current situation breaks my heart. I greatly admire her honesty and fortitiude and unflagging energy. AS far as I am concerned my comment controversy is done and i will continue to reach out to Dc or anyone else where I feel like my experience could be useful
bye guys

hello Hip mamas, I am sitting on my couch eating a contemplative tangerine and considering the work I have to get done over the next 4 weeks and particularly the stuff I need to do today and I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for the ability to be the architetct of my own fate. Gratitude list!
- A roof over my head, ok its not MY roof and there are others living under it whose lifestyles and expectations may not always mesh with mine but its a roof, it keeps out the rain and I am mighty thankful for it
- My health I do not take this for granted, I,ve been interested by some of the posts about BMI and blood work. I think its time for women to create their own definition of health that factors in their fecundicity; we don't seem to be doing too badly, bar tortoises and trees I think women must be the longest living group on the planet and as we haven't id'd life anywhere else yet I geuss that means the universe too!
- Food and water, everyday, of good quality, prepared with love by me
-My kid bright, shiny, new, sensible, compasionate, artistic, athletic, academic and legitimately and heart stoppingly beautiful
-My career this is my great gift too myself. I get too learn,, visualise, touch, examine, question, investigate, interprate, laugh, cry, plan, repair, encourage, teach, critically apraise and heal everyday and pretty soon I'm gonna get payed a freaking good wage to do something I would do for free anyway!
I am visualising a LOT OF NEW STUFF CONNECTED TO THIS I am going to be published in a major journal and I am applying for a specialist training post that will allow me time to dedicate to research. This is a prestigious and competitive post, this is exactly what I need to move forward and I know I will get it! I deserve it and I am the universes obvious and natural choice.
-Solomon Burkes; Cry to me. This has a solem, yearning groove that wakes something up deep down
- Men I like em, Im healing I respect and love them. They,ve done some good stuff. I can learn from them and teach them a little too! They make me laugh a lot
- My family. I NEVER thought I would say this but they have unknowingloy and unintentionally taught me everything I know about being a decent human being. They have helped me to develop powers of tolerence, patience and forgiveness that are almost a hidden superpower! I geuss the universe does not make mistakes and she sure knew where I needed to be this lifetime.
-dancing
-God /Goddess this word doesn't scare me anymore. I have my own conception. There is a great reality deep inside me that cannot be taken away and I am dependent on it. Its fab!
Take care mamas

Hello Hip mamas,
This is a big thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on my manifestation cause guess what? it all went down exactly as a predicted! Manifesting stuff WORKS and my world view has undergone a paradigm shift! One of your kith and kin is rocking out the general surgery fraternity!

So what happened?

"I present my paper with real style and class and I look fantastic; professional, chic and just a little bit sexy!" ( Well I don't know about a little bit but I got asked out by cab driver who had just completed a marathon run across the hills of snowdonia, fit is the word!)

"I deliver my take home message with aplomb and my arguments are convincing and thought provoking. MY passion for and belief in my hypothesis shines through the entire experience" My supervisor actually used the word aplomb afterwards describing the whole thing! Coincidence? I think not!

"MY language and diction are clear and my delivery is flawlessly smooth and fluid." The President of the society said at the end I have never seen anyone speak so fluidly in my life.

I am named the winner and collect a cheque for five hundred pounds. I have a fantastic evening and all the bigwigs leave thinking, what a fantastic girl she will make a great surgeon one day!" I was named the winner and everyone did say this!

In addition to this I had a little minor vision of twisting the night away with the head of surgery and this is exactly what happened!

I feel so humbled by this whole experience and a little bit awestruck. I am so aware of the power of my thoughts, dreams and wishes and my words. It feels like an awesome responsibility as I am truly responsible for my whole experience in this world. I finish for the holidays on Friday and I am gonna do some reading around this issue. I am the architect of my fate and it feels damn good! I am so grateful to the universe!

hello hip mamas,
I am looking to manifest a glorious destiny and when I'm looking for glory I know exactly where to come; Hip Mama!

In two days I will be presenting at a National surgical conference. I will be discussing a paper that I wrote that I know has the power to save lives in my city. I want to write a peice about how this will go in order to manifest the experience and produce the right vibration before I settle down to my final preperation and I want to do this here, publically, in order to totally commit myself to bringing this about. so here goes!

"I present my paper with real style and class and I look fantastic; professional, chic and just a little bit sexy! It is obvious from the start that my understanding has real depth and clarity, that I am completely familiar with and comfortable with the literature and that the paper shows a great deal of original thinking. My slides present my data clearly and attractively.

I deliver my take home message with aplomb and my arguments are convincing and thought provoking. MY passion for and belief in my hypothesis shines through the entire experience. I convince everyone that there is something here that warrants further study. MY language and diction are clear and my delivery is flawlessly smooth and fluid.

I handle questions from the floor easily with an innate intelligence and insight that impressess everyone.

I am named the winner and collect a cheque for five hundred pounds. I have a fantastic evening and all the bigwigs leave thinking, what a fantastic girl she will make a great surgeon one day!"

Well didn't I do well? I am so excited to have this opportunity especially now I know I'm gonna win!!

Hello Hip mamas,
here are some tiredass gratitudes on a cold November night in Blighty.

1. Brains, I got some, I took em for granted, I kinda lost them for a spell, I gottem back! My neurons are well wired, I'm not boasting they just are and they won't last forever so ENJOY!

2. Taking a mental health day without feeling the need to offer labrynth excuses.

3. Spotify, the best free music site ever I am getting a classical music education and I am loving the ballet music and russian folk stuff too. The Nutcracker grand pas de deux makes my heart swell.

4. Roasted, salted cashew nuts.

5. Clean clothes, clean floors, clean windows, i deserve em and so do you

6. Microscopes I like em I always get a little thrill when things my eye is not desigened to see come into focus and I discern microarchitecture. Cells are crazy beautiful and make the most complicated manufactured object we have look like a Tonka toy. There is an elegant simplicity to their workings that we may never hope to emulate. I think its good we have some limits!

7. Yoga

8. My kid being named most promising ballet student of the year, being awarded a book token in school for academics, being put forward for her next ballet exam, helping me fold laundry, getting stroppy and then apologising, growing, growing in every way.

9. The sartorialist, I dress for comfort, speed and price is a REAL issue so I love looking at this site cause its real people looking super chic. I wanna reclaim my look but I am time and cash poor , plus slightly overpadded at the moment!

10. MIT opencourse ware if you or yours are interested in maths or science please look at this site I am doing the bio and chem course over christmas for fun cause I have 4 WEEKS OFF !!!!!! 2 WITH NO KID AT HOME!!!!!!

11. One more: Roman history I am reading a book about it and I am moved. I like the idea of a republic, I like their dedication to an ideal and self belief, I dislike their chauvanism and flinty eyed savagery.

"perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim"
Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you

Hello, I think I'm becoming a blog addict! I think its the thought of being so far away from everyone on this blog, its like putting a message in a bottle.

I had to dish out some discipline tonight and it is a fraut issue. The area that I live in is a nice(ish) street in a bad wider area and my neice went to a part of the neighbourhood where she knew she was not allowed to go and straight up lied about the circumstances, saying that she was being supervised by a friends mother when she wasn't. The law was layed down and she will be apologising to the woman in question tommorow. The kids around here are not bad kids but they are unsupervised and as shes getting older the gap between what they are allowed to do and she is allowed to do is widening. Since she moved up to high school (that happens at 11 here) she has been out a lot less because of homework and also some extra dance rehersals and so there has been a change in the dynamic of her friendship group. A (childless) friend of mine thinks I'm being too hypervigilant. That maybe true. I wish she could just run wild in a safe environment forever infact I wish we all could!

I am rediscovering Jilly Cooper she is a English author who writes in 70s/80s upper crust English milieur, lots of horses and dogs, in a kind of sexy blockbuster style which is at alternately hilarious, sweet and intensly arousing! Its all set in pre post modern times and drink driving, xenophobia and indiscriminate unprotected sex are relatively guilt free pursuits! I don't condone any of these activities but its impossibly glamourous and is helping me through the dark winter nights.

I am geering up for a big Winter solstice/Christmas clean and polish. i want everything to shine and smell good. MY mop and I laugh in the face of 8 hours light a day. I spied some lovely adolescent holy in my local park. Do you guys have holly too? The baby stuff is soft and flexible and canary yellow and it darkens and stiffens as it matures. the teenagers are lovely and speckled. I am planning on cutting some and putting it round the house.

Life is beautiful. I am grateful to be in the fight.

\hello, hello I was so thrilled with the replies I got to my blog! I commented back but I didn't know if its best to reply on my comments or that of the other person. I geuss I don't know the etiquette yet! After feeling so great after reaching out I felt a little resistance to coming back on. Isn't that strange? Well resistance to Hip Mama is futile so here is what is going on; This week I am...

OVERWHELMED; I have a ton of reading to do for school BUT my kid is on half term SO i reprioritised, reduced expectations on myself and others and made a freaking list (lists are my religion) and factored in FUN in the form of museum trips, Fantastic MR Fox and a late night star gazing trip in a nearby wood. We did see Jupiter but then clouds obscured the view and we crunched home through the leaves singing christmas carols (early but fun).

EXCITED and PROUD: My kid is participating in a Giselle workshop with English National Ballet this week and then watching the company perform the next day plus next week attends her pre professional classical ballet programme where the theme is Flamenco! This is not bad going for a couple of kids born into an area known locally as "rat alley". SOMETIMES in this world the cream does rise to the to the top! Also she got the results from some cognitive aptitude tests that she did in school that put her in the middle ( I would agree) BUT her first term performance in her subjects puts her in a lot of subjects right near the top of her class. That speaks volumes for her attitude and enjoyment and determination and (I think) her input from home!

PISSED OFF: Came up against some family shit this week. There are a lot of people in my family who are fossilised in past trauma and pain like the fucking Piltdown man. They have developed a set of sterotypical responses to life designed to protect then from further pain and anguish but that unfortunately stunt their further development. Its a shame and difficult sometimes to keep me and mine on a healthy trajectory. i think its good for kids to see how it is for people, how to detach with love (the only true freedom) but its hard.

GRATEFUL: I am grateful for everything I have. I DON'T take it for granted. I am grateful for this site. I don't feel so alone. I am grateful for the 25p copy of Polo by jilly Cooper that I bought last week from a market stall and the cereal I just ate and the clothes on my back.You guys are inspirational and I thank you.

LOve form Liverpool

I blogged for the first time today and i can't stop looking at it! Sad I know but its good to testify! Because of my situation (I have legal parental responsibility for my neice) I don't always have my mama status acknowledged and it feels good to own it. I'm not sure what format to do this in so I am gonna start with a gratitude list. Someone actually asked me to start one of these so I am and I'm putting it out for the whole world to see!

1. Porrige with golden syrup, i geuss most everyone else here is American and knows this stuff as oatmeal, Whatever you call it its still good!

2. Public transport. In Liverpool this is cheap and reliable though the odd brick is thrown through the window, my life would not work without it and am grateful to every narky bus driver in the world, my only criticism is to kill the pot smoke, I HATE it and it stinks up my blowdry.

3. People=Hope. I met someone today who came to my town as a kid as a refugee from the former Yugoslavia. terrible scenes, awful,awful. His family was invited by my goverment and he came, he settled he got on and over it. He triumphed! sometimes even goverments get things right (occasionaly)

4. The liverpool astronomy society; its putting on 2 nights of free talks and access to telescopes and food 2 minutes from my house during my kid's school holiday.

5. Purple sprouted brocolli reduced to 50 pence at the supermarket

6. Socialised medicine, don't believe the hype. I just booked a teeth cleaning for me and a check up for my niece for free. She also sees an orthodontist for free and gets skin stuff for dryskin for free. I hope and pray that the whole world one day gets to think about themselves rather than money when they get sick.

7. NOT having a car, your saving the planet, keeping your girlish figure and building bone mass all at the same time! Poverty chic!

8. Carly simon. I've never been a huge fan but I listened to let the river run on spotify today and cried. It made me wanna go to New York, I am actually scheming to get there next Summer on a medschool elective with my kid.

9. MY health, I'M STRONG, TOUGH I haven't had a cold yet this year and I don't intend getting one. I am investing in my body and rediscovering my old dancer self, it is in there somewhere! I am setting my alarm for 5 am and I am doing my yoga DVD.

10. My kid, I was 19 when I first started taking the reigns. Little did I know the journey that I would go on or the great person I would meet/help create. I wouldn't have "planned" it this way but growing up with a kid is great, you become ignited by love and all things are possible. THis kid has great humour, kindness, is loving and sweet, apreciative. She is beautiful and has a great gift for dance. She's tops!

During the writing of this blog I did a load of laundry, washed dishes, made dinner for tomorrow, supervised the drawing of a still life, packed a school bag and ironed clothes for tomorrow. All in a days work,
KEEP GRINDING IT OUT LADIES

hello, I just joined this site but I have been a long time reader of these blogs and thought I would join in! I am a single parent to my 11 year old neice and have been since she was 4 years old. I couldn't believe it when I came across this site and read blogs that reflected my life experiences; cooking, cleaning, busing it,counting the last penny whilst trying to make stuff happen.

This site has been a revelation to me as I don't have many people in my life that relate to my situation. As well as being a mama, I am a medstudent. Infact I have just finished my finals! I am planning on a career in surgery and work daily to make it happen. I got to thank you all especially Dragonchic you didn't know it but you just helped me through a hard time.

THANK YOU