medstudentmama's blog

An, in the end, great but chalenging weekend;

- my fella came down, he changed his arrival time and didn't communicate the change effectively and I got pissed, we argued on the phone and he basically drove up in the night, we met made up had amazing sex, went to go out and i basically had what i can only describe as a tantrum, he was like this is not working. it was awful, we spoke properly. this relationship, despite how good its been has triggered a lot of stuff in me, i am kind of getting more insecure as we get further in he hasn@t caused this its my damage.

- we made a plan,he was like regardless of what happens between us have you considered counselling, He is a counsellor and has to be in it anyway as part of his professional life. He was like I think you have some childhood/early adulthood stuff to deal with. I felt, mad, scared, defensive, all cast iron clues that he is right

- So I am starting counselling plus we talked about some other stuff, like me being so high energy and goal orientated all the time which is great but cannot necessarily be applied to another grown human being without driving them crazy, the fact that I can't really totally relax or totally engage in a seperate activity when I'm with him just doing nothing. The fact that I have made massive strides in my career and as a parent but that my social, emotional and sexual identity has remained pretty stunted.

-so the plan; I would begin talking to someone, be social without him, do something creative and stick to it the way I would something for the babe and we made a bet on who could improve their health the most by Christmas. He took on board the stuff i had to say about social engagement etiquette and such like. we are planning to have thursday night as an unassailable date/sex night. We saved our relationship from its first fire storm, yay!

- the next day was great we went to a little village and had lunch and talked and came home and had more sex, he kept just trying to make me relax and fall asleep and just spent hours like rubbing my back and stroking me all over and he went out and bought me sweets. i think i am going to learn a lot from this relationship.

- i've never mentioned this before but i,ve been in a 12 step fellowship for 7 years (clean and sober) and it requires a lot of spiritual growth stuff. I think i've been neglecting this and i need to go deeper, this relationship has brought a ton of stuff to the surface I don't have a woman to talk with at the moment and I am feeling the lack, so I am putting my requirement for one out in the universe.

-i love this world, i love the universe, i need a daily spiritual practise that strengthens this, I need to show my gratitude for all i have, its a lot.

-the babe called me today, i am missing her in a raw, visceral way. I can hear new maturity in her voice. she is preparing for a dance exam and i am usually very strict about her practising etc she doesn't alwys appreciate this, I am a tyrant! but now she's like I wish you were here forcing me to de better.

love from liverpool
des

Good morning ladies, I just ate some dark chocolate for breakfast and have 5 minutes to spare before the day goes supersonic so I thought I would centre a little bit before I get back on the merry go round, 10 reasons to be grateful on this breezy Saturday morning.

- I have 3 projects to complete this weekend; a referees report criticising a cell journal article about epidermal growth factor, the discussion of my bowel cancer screening article and a presentation discussing the ethical implications of funding in IVF and cancer treatment. Its a good job I gotta a big, sexy brain with neurons to spare!

-the babe is dancing all day so I have time plus I have to reschedule some social things, I carve out the time I need, its an hourly challenge! Sometines I have to change stuff up

-I got some prawn cocktail and dressed crab in the fridge for lunch

-My childcare is payed up for until the end of term!!! the schools year is complete! Childcare is an elaborate balancing act and this year, despite a ton of challenges, its gone ok! I put time into getting this right and accessing funding and organising stuff.

-I got a total bargain on an epilator yesterday, a third of the price. I checked out the reviews on Amazon but I was still scared
£30 is a big money sale!! I tried it out last night and it was great! OK it hurt like hell! but you get used to it and it becomes kind of addictive. the results are fabulous just as good as wax and way cheaper plus you don't have to wait for the hair to grow. Its an investment in a smooth skinned sex drenched future!

-Countdown to my man returning to Liverpool I can't wait! I NEED to see him.

- I am repeating my experiement next week in my own time, its gonna be hard to fit it in but this shits for publication, its gotta be right on.

-I got a book token for my birthday (32 people!!!) I have a ton of things waiting to be read so I spent it on the babe and my fellas grandson, a kids historical novel for her as a present for a great first year in big school and a baby book with a dinosaur hand puppet for the baby! Cute.

-I met up with my dad the other day for the first time in a long time. i took him for Tandourhi mushrooms. he is till crazy after all these years, chasing women, smoking like a chimney, getting into trouble BUT he is my Dad. he reminds me a lot of Micky Rourke in The Wrestler.however, he has been clean and sober for a year, yay jimmy!

I am making peace with him, that sucker is 60! he does NOT look after himself, his time is limited. i am going to have regular phone and real time contact with him. i have a vision of how I want to behave towards my dad and I am ready to put into practise. Old(er), he's not old but for someone whos lived his way this is old, people need peeps not pole dancers.

I am ready to be his emergency contact. he is a good hearted but misguided old dude who still doesn't know what the problem is! its ok dad I don't need a damn thing from you lets just go watch a film and discuss football as you cruise into sensecence. I forgive you and myself for being mad. I am not mad anymore.

- M.I.A. is fab! i know her lyrics are sometimes a liitle provocative but you can't help but grind to that stuff ,especially SUnshowers, it s on You tube. " i bongo with me lingo and beat it like a wing yo" What a tune! Plus Born Slippy by Underworld is agreat housework tune.
Love meds

Well I promised i'd dish and hipmama is not the place for the shy and retiring so here goes; yesterday night I met my fella off the bus and walked up a big hill with him to his empty house. It was really hot and I was wearing black harem pants , a white vest and this really soft grey jersey vest layered together and tied at the side to show a little slither of tanned belly and high heels plus i had just had my hair done by this genius person and I smelt like coconut. I recieved many appreciative looks and comments from the men folk of liverpool on my way to meet and the ultimate compliment; men with their women look decidedly and definitely AWAY cause they knew if they got caught looking there would be hell to pay! HA ha

We got to the house and sat on the couch and he started kissing me so softly that within secounds I was going crazy THEN he started blowing all over me my neck, my collar bone, my ear, my lips. I was loosing my mind! He was saying all this great stuff like l love you, you're gorgeous, i want you, and then some more dirty, gritty stuff and then he basically carried me up to his bed!

I will now draw a vale over the proceedings but I will offer the following tidbits;
-we did not have pentrative sex
-despite our alternative mode of transport I reached my destination (a lot) more than once
- the neighbours sure as hell knew about it
-the heels stayed on!

wishing you all a sexy weekend
love meds