I have noticed so many of us posting about our depression recently. Is this kindof like when all the women in one office get their periods at the same time? What is going on? I'm feeling it too. I had a semi serious break down the other night. After speaking to my mother, so many issues were dragged up from the depths of my cloudy mind. Self-esteem, self-doubt, feelings for my husband, and on and on. I am in the depths right now as much as I will allow myself to be. I have learned and adapted so much over the years that I can just push it right back where it came from when I need to. It is also so much harder to deal with it than to supress it. I know this is a bad thing. Dealing with my husband who does not undertsand any aspect of mental illness, my daughter who gets so frightened to see me cry, work where I have to be stable, forces me to pack up my problems and stick them away.
My husband is driving me insane. He is the hardest worker I've ever seen but the moment he steps foot in the house he becomes the laziest bum. His dirty shoes go NEXT to the entry closet containing what else but shoes. I bought all new dishes a couple of months ago and I recently noticed coffee cups missing. I found three in the garage MOLDING! I will not touch these. If I do I will vomit. Our cat got sick and shit all over the basement and he stepped around it for two days until I noticed and cleaned it up. He leaves milk glasses NEXT to the dishwasher so they can get crusty. I hate touching these too. He decided to get milk delivery, which is a good idea, very environmental (good hubby) but I'm the one who has to rinse the bottles, take them out and bring in the new ones. I don't even drink milk. He broke an old trunk I refinished and put in our bedroom, and the broken piece is still sitting on my dresser. If my clothed are in the dryer he stuffs them into a basket and leaves them there to permanently wrinkle. I fold his clothes the second they are dry.
I have been desperatly trying to find doll clothes for a cabbage patch preemie that my daughter has fallen in love with. Its the only one I kept and she won't part with it. In over twenty years of moving and growing up, the poor doll has lost all its clothes except for its original diaper. Does anyone have any of these clothes? Or do you know what other clothes would maybe fit? I would sew some, but I cant even sew curtains properly. It seems like a silly request but Macy would probably love to dress this doll up.
Oh, I looked on ebay, but they didn't really have much.
They are doing work on the courtyard at the building I work in. It was a lovely little courtyard with tables and shade and trees. I came in this morning and they had chopped down the trees. 16 beautiful mature trees! Now this is no small management company. They own and manage at least 4 high rise buildings in downtown Denver. They could have paid for the cost of transplanting them. It is so depressing to look down and see 16 sad stumps where there were once thriving trees in the middle of downtown.
Here's something I never said out loud before. Okay, technically its not out loud but close enough. I run away. Or I used to. Every time I'd get depressed, anxious or just generally fed up, I'd run. I'd move, change jobs, break up with who ever I was with, etc. I'm finding it very hard not to have that option anymore. I'm so frustrated right now that I'd love to pack my things and split. I'd love to tell by boss to kiss my ass and my husband to get lost. But there's this little girl with big blue eyes that keeps stopping me. And I do love her daddy just as much as I'm frustrated by him. I hate the fact that I have to suck it up. I'm tired of sucking it up. If I keep at it I'll implode. I crave change! I hate monotony.
When we were discussing all the sappy songs I remebered another movie for you. Radio. With Ed Harris and Cuba Godding, Jr. Very feel good. Cry cry cry!
Everytime I hear the song "Yellow" by Coldplay I break down and cry for joy at my beautiful daughter. I also cry for my husband when I hear John Hiatt's "Have a Little Faith in Me". Am I the only one who is this sappy?
So, Julia Roberts is pregnant with twins. Super. Now we get to hear about it for the next year. First how fabulous she looks in those skimpy maternity clothes, with her stick legs and her basketball belly. Then, how quickly she can get herself back to a size 2, just in time for the Oscar parties. Next it will be how easily she handles being a superstar and mothering (delegating care to a nanny) at the same time. Or maybe she'll give up acting for a while to raise her babies and the world will swoon over what a great mother she is for doing that. Barf!
Just wanted to wish everyone a nice long relaxing weekend. I'm on my way to visit my parents in SD. Just the kiddo and me. She can't wait to see her Gramma and Grampa. Hubby has to work. That's alright, he gets terribly bored up there.
My baby girl is turning two in one month. I sure wish she'd stop this growing up thing. Anyway, I'm not making too much of a fuss for the party, but we want to get her something really cool. Last we got off easy and had a star named for her. Kev wanted to get her motorized jeep and I say ABSOLUTELY NOT. Any suggestions?