I cannot fight the feeling that I really want another child. I have mixed feelings, like how to rearrange the rooms of my house to accomodate another. I would not want to displace Macy from her room, but I would not want a younger child sleeping downstairs. There are other stupid thoughts like that. I hated my brother growing up, he was abusive. I do not want that situation repeated. I know the odds of that are unlikley, but the shit I took from him really has affected my life.
I suppose these thoughts don't even matter since DH has outright refused to have another baby. He agrees that that the fun outweighs the stress, but does not want another. I do.