Hi everyone. Its been so long since I've been in touch. So long that I probably don't know most of you here now. I still feel comfortable enough with the type of people most of you are, that I could come here for help. I hope that's okay. I believe my marriage is basically over. I have been so unhappy for so long, and I give up. My husband is a great man, but he is work obsessed and never happy. He has let his stress and worry take over his life, which in turn takes over mine and our daughter's. We have been in therapy for 5 months and still no change. I just can't waste my life trying to happy enough for all of us.
Its been about 6 months since I've been on this site. I don't know what happened. I guess I just got really busy. Being a stay at home mom is a lot more hectic than I ever thought possible. Anyway, I'm really trying to stay busy today, so I thought what a great time to check in on the hipmamas. I just went to hypnosis/bioresonance therapy yesterday to finally quit smoking. So far soooo good. Every once in a while I get an urge but I don't feel like I'm going nutso. I know I can do this. This is the first step in my attempts to expand our family. This is my last week on the pill. We had sworn off another child, but finally decided we have to have another. I'm very excited.
I have not been able to check in for a while. My old boss called and begged my to come back and help out. So I've been going in a few days a week. It sucks. By the second day, I could already feel my anxiety and my stomach pains coming back. I'm supposed to be there today but Macy has croup. This is the first time she's ever had it. It is awful. She doesn't cough a lot, but it sounds like she cant breath. I hope she's better before Halloween.
Other than that, I have just been working around the house, working on DH's business, and freaking about the election. We lost a friend this weekend to his politics. I have plenty of friends who consider themselves republican or conservative. For the most part, we can all have adult conversations and debates about our issues. Not this guy. We had all been having some margartitas when he kept trying to bring up politics. Knowing hime the way we do, we kept changing the subject. Finally he wouldn't let it go. There were lots of subjects brought up, such as, Stem cell research, abortion, taxes, etc. Until the subject came up of my friends' little boy that has cerebral palsy. He and his wife both stated that why should they have to pay taxes toward public schools when they dont have kids, and that if they did have kids, they would send them to catholic school anyway. Then they got into the fact that their tax dollars go to help our little buddy with CP. Taxes pay for ramps, physical therapy, power wheel chairs, and anything else that he needs to live a comfortable life. His response was "fuck him". This said in the home of this boy, to his parents. He was promptly kicked out of the house and I dont beleive we will ever speak to him again. How can people jusitfy this way of thinking. Can you really be so selfish and uncaring? Is it possible? I would give my right arm for that kid. Very dissapointing.
1. I get an entire day all to myself
2. I'm finally getting that haircut I keep bitching about not getting
3. being needed by my old office, even though I hated going to help out.
4. I just adore my daughter. She is so cool
5. My grandmother made it out of knee surgery okay
6. My nephew's mom is free of skin cancer now
7. I have been working out *almost* everyday
8. I'm handling DH's business pretty well so far
9. two new pairs of pants for cheap
10. being comfortable in my own skin
I am really going crazy with the election coming. I have invested so much of myself into this. It brings me to tears sometimes. I dont know what to do if Bush is reelected. It stresses me out so much. I have dreams about it every night. I have to see Kerry win. Just have to. I really like John Kerry. I think he is a great man with good intentions for this country and its people.
November 2 needs to come before I have a heart attack.
I want to show pictures too. (now that I actually learned how)
This is the man I bitch about never seeing.
Not a great picture, but there's only so many pictures you can take of someone who's never
This is the view from our park
This is why I will not be driven away by the playground mommies.
Last but not least...My Macy
My DH is a workaholic. I see him maybe three hours out of everyday. Too be fair he works one full time job and also runs his own business full time. He provides for us well enough that I don't have to work. He recently tried to quit his regular job, but they offered something so good, it was almost ridiculous to pass it up. I say *almost*. His business is new and he basically has to accept every job that comes up. Which is a lot. This last week he was up and gone before I woke up, and I was in bed before he came home at night. He has been out of town this weekend.
I need a moment to myself without my sweet girl. She is wonderful, but I need a break. I haven't had one in a long time. I need a haircut, but can't find a way to go get one. I have no one to watch her. My old boss called me and wants me back. I said no, but I'm a sucker and decided to help them out a couple of days a week for a few weeks. At the same time I am managing DH's business retroactively from last December. But mostly my problem is lonliness. I love my man very much. We were best friends before we ever even dated. I miss him. He's not the same anymore. We dont do anything together. We dont laugh as much as we used to. He is so tired and so stressed out, that when he is home, he's pretty much worthless. Macy's most-used phrase is "Daddy's working". They play when he's home, but she never has his full attention. I feel for her. What is she missing out on? My house is neglected. He never completely finished his remodeling job in our bathroom. We are missing a door, baseboards, he never replaced the siding outside where he moved a window.
So last night I commited to going door-to-door for the Kerry campaign. I dont like speaking to strangers and I have no idea what to say to them. I really like Kerry (especially after the debate) but I think this was a stupid idea on my part. I've been wanting to take action, so I said yes. I have played a part in convincing a couple of my friends to vote for him, but I'm a little terified to do this with strangers. What if they are mean bushies? I'm pretty good at turning and walking away. Any suggestions for me? I really want to do this, I just dont know how
I'm starting to worry about Macy's tantrums. My mother is the one who got me worried. I know tantrums are normal but I'm not sure if they should reach the level that her's do. She gets compeletly incoherent. She screams at me to go but when I do she screams for me to stay. And I do mean *scream*. Its like she's not there. Nothing will get her out of this state except time. I cannot soothe her. She does this in the middle of the night sometimes too. I'm really considering talking to her doctor (like that will help). I may be overreacting, but I've never seen a toddler go crazy like she does.