shadeshaman's blog

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Belly dancing, yoga, viola and sensitive teeth

First off, I have sensitive teeth. I don't know when it started, but I keep forgetting and buying regular toothpaste and then my teeth hurt and I freak out, like "is there something wrong with me?" and then I remember and I get the stuff for sensitive teeth, and it gets better. Right now, I have owie mouth, but at least I got some toothpaste and it will feel better in a couple of days.

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nurturing sucks

I got my palm read last week. Not the fortune-telling kind, the personality kind of reading. Interestingly enough, according to Glynn, while I'm very smart and creative and intuitive, I'm not exactly a teacher or doctor kind of person. I'm not a nurturer, at least not innately. I wasn't baby-crazy as a kid or teen, I didn't imagine that I'd have a bunch of kids. I'm not like that. But, I think this is in part because I got forced into being the caretaker for my mother--and younger brother--I've been a caretaker, a nurturer for most of my lifetime.

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Yesterday ....

I had this anti-xmas party on Sunday night, just about 10 people, it wasn't a really big deal. I kinda wish I hadn't even done that, but rather had gone bar-crawling with my friend Timm. Anyway, T-dizzle went to L-Dawg's house, which is good and bad. Good because I think that T has been missing L a lot, and has been pissed at me for what she considers to be an unfair "kicking out". I did not kick L out. Kicking out is when your mother calls the cops on you and you have 1 hour to get any of your belongings that you can grab, with a cop breathing down your neck the entire time, and you are out on the street with no job and no money. (I know, it happened to me). I gave L two options, even when she was doing fucked up shit, and she chose the more dramatic one. Anyway, it was good for T and L to spend time together. On the other hand, around eleven, just after my guests had left, but before the bars close, so I could have met up with Timm and his friends, I get this whiney call from T (who was supposed to be spending the night) asking me to open the door because she forgot to take her keys with her.
She was drunk as a skunk, and informed me that she had puked at her sister's house. She had like 5 shots of whiskey. At her sister's house. And puked. And then her sister dumped T's drunk ass back at my house. Fuck.
So, yesterday, I was thinking that I would finally just take off and go to Muir Beach and get some outdoors time. I was eating breakfast when T called me from the bathroom. She had puked and had diarrhea and her period had started (after almost three months--she went off The Pill) and she was having massive cramps and she was sweating and in a lot of pain. So, I pulled out all the mom/doula stops and helped her out with food and ibuprofen and encouragement and love and she got through it, but it took a couple hours and then I had to take care of a client's cats and that was pretty much the end of the daylight.
Finally, in the evening, I got a little break, or so I thought. She was on the computer and I snuck into my room to mess around with my violin(s) and pedals and music and stuff, and then one of her friends came over, which means that I know I'm going to be pressed into service at any time, but that settled down and I went back to my music, and then another friend showed up, and I was interrupted again, and finally they all left at around 11pm, and I was trying to work on music and do study some accounting concepts, and I'll be fucking damned if the kid didn't come back, looking for some DVD to show the other girls, and HER KEYS again. She left the front door wide open while she looked through the house, so I closed it behind her, and after she left, I realized that she had turned on and had left on lights in 3 rooms and the hallway! Fuck.

This is the piece of music that I'm trying to work on:

I want to learn each part--singing-- (but I have to work on the bass part and make it within my range), and then use the looping pedal to sing it with myself. I'm first going to record each part, playing the notes on the violin, so I can learn them. Then I'm going to build from there. I am developing a set list....slowly...considering how my kid is always requiring some bizarre level of parenting.

I'm also making a mash-up type thing of the start of this piece:

and much, if not all, of this piece.

It's coming along nicely.

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why I hate this holiday, #289748932528952

For the past 5-6 years, Hexmass has consisted of me working hella extra hours (housecleaning picks up between Turkey day and and Bloated Excess day) and getting exhausted, being the only one who does ANY Hexmass decorating--puttin up the tree, stringing the muthafuckin' lights, making cookies, stringing popcorn n cranberries, shoving fucking cloves into unsuspecting oranges, etc. I am also the only one who buys gifts in my house--even the gifts that my kids have gotten are ones that I paid for. And on the unpaid day off that I get (whoot!

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What is it that I want, anyway?

I have four days off in a row. This is pretty rare. One of those is an actual paid vacation day, from the singular client who does that. Of course, she forgot to tell me until today, and tomorrow is that day off, but whatevs. So, I have these days off, and a very little extra money...what should I do? What do I want to do? What do I want? Well, what *I* want is to get the fuck out of the city and go somewhere where I can be in nature and then go inside and have a hot toddy and knit. Four days of that would be great. But....I do have a teenager to think about. So, what do I want? I want not to hear "I'm bo-o-o-o-o-o-red" all weekend. I want not to repeat Thanksgiving and the strained back that only this week has begun to feel normal again (a month later). So, what does she want? I think she wants to hang around with her friends, although she says she's fine to do whatever I want. On the other hand, she doesn't ask me what I want.
So, here are some options:
1. Stay here this weekend. I had already planned to have an anti-Xmas party on Sunday. There's also a weirdo party on the 24th. I could take kid to The USS Hornet Museum on Friday and the Niles Essanay Silent Film Museum on Saturday. We could have our usual Sunday brunch at the Piedmont Cafe, since they are open on Hexmass.
2. Go away for the weekend. The bed and breakfast that I stayed at with Blondy for my birthday last year, in Ft. Bragg, is open. As are other hotels in that area. Left to my own devices, this would be my first pic. Beautiful up there. But it involves getting the kid to pack a suitcase, and there's cat care to arrange.
3. Leave the kid and go away myself for one night. I might not even have to go to Ft. Bragg. Just Muir Beach. Just something that's not fucking Oakland.
4. Take her on a day trip. The Train Museum in Sac'to (maybe via Amtrak?), the Monterey Bay Aquarium (her request. I've been there just once and it required the use of valium....)

Fuck it. I don't know.


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