shadeshaman's blog

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wait, maybe this is why I feel anxious

My kids and I went to Petaluma on Sunday for my friend's (R's) birthday party. On the way home, we took a time-lapse video, which I've been turning into a music video for M's band . Spent a couple of hours doing this--learned a lot about W*ndows Movie Maker--but I think this movie might be the cause of my anxiety.
Word to the wise:
DON'T WATCH THIS ON ACID!!

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more than I can chew?

I guess I'm overwhelmed. I feel anxious, but I can't pinpoint it. Like maybe I forgot something important, or like I'm missing out on something. I'm supposed to be heading over to the Y to work out. But I don't want to deal with people. Maybe I should stay home, but then I'll just look at my pig-sty of a house and feel like crap.
Maybe I should brush my teeth--that usually helps. Weird?
There are ten million things that are bugging me, but I just don't know which one is driving me crazy right now.
Argh! I hate it when I feel like this!

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marriage

not mine. I am an ordained minister, via the ULC (http://www.themonastery.org/). I did it the day that the Shrub got sworn in the first time. Had an abortion and got ordained. Kinda like registering Republican then always voting for the Socialist candidate.
As it so happens, I have three sets of friends in this little metal scene who want to get married. One couple has set the date, the other couple is certain about it, but haven't set the date and the last couple is on the brink. And I'm likely to perform all of the ceremonies.

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if you seek to be human

if you work,
capitalism orders you around, speeds you up, wears you down, steals what you create, enlists your hands and your mind to destroy the planet, sells your time, lays you off and leaves you to starve
if you play,
capitalism pens you in, charges admission to your own joy, offers you weapons as toys, the suffering of others as entertainment, turns your dreams into brand names, and your name into a faceless number
if you have a home,

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hot mamas, um, yeh

Got chatted up by the guy at the desk at the practice studio where my band goes. Chat, chat, chatter. I tend to think that I'm just a friendly person or a good listener, but then someone more perceptive, like my drummer or my kids, points out that the person who is chatting with me is FLIRTING.
I'm trying to be more aware of how men flirt with me, instead of being my clueless brainiac self.
How do other people flirt with you?

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yet another way in which solo single moms get the shaft

we get all the societal crap about being moms, about being "working" moms, about being not married. We get all the crap about not being "involved" in the schools, about not being free to travel or do other more involved things for careers. We don't get down time, we're either chasing the baby-daddies for child support, or we have given up. But...

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