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mamanopajamas
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rebuilding, again
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Joined: 05/29/2005

February 3rd

1. i will be thankful for the email from someone in re a job - back in SD -- sigh

2. i will be grateful for the ability to sleep in after an insomnia filled night in which i was chatting with some clown until 3 am (literally, the guy IS a performance clown)

3. I am grateful for just enough leftover pizza dough that we know what is for lunch today ; )

4. i am thankful my uncle bought us a bag of spinach

5. i am thinking i will offer to keep the Little Dude until after the weekend so his dad can rest & watch the game on Sunday -- it's just a thought

6. i am grateful for all the damned tea i want to drink -- even if i do wish i had more

7. i appreciate listening to my sweet son watch Dumbo - he is too cute

8. i am so grateful for the chance to be with my son almost every day as he is growing out of little boyhood to bigger boyhood sniff sniff sigh

9. there are so many options for Love

10. that i am typing this in my pjs in my bed and am going to put my head back down for a while

this manic mama
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Last seen: 10 hours 59 min ago
Joined: 03/12/2011

Friday, take two

I've been trying to come up with a schedule for popping my pills but I've been having a bit of trouble. I take 2 extended release tablets and then 2 regular at bedtime. The 2 extended tabs can be taken together or separately. It doesn't matter too much since they are extended release and should only need to be taken once a day. Last week, Dr. Shrink suggested I take them together to make it easier to remember. Prior to these instructions I was taking one lower dose extended release in the morning and another one at dinner, then one full dose extended release, and then the others at bedtime. The dosages were all divided up amongst smaller dose pills. It was too confusing. So then she suggested take both extended tabs together, whenever. I tried first thing in the morning but that wasn't working for me. Even though my dosage hasn't changed I felt very very drowsy after taking the full XR in the a.m. I tried for a few days to take it at dinner, but that's inconsistent. Now I pop all 5 pills at bedtime. The 4 pills plus the one antidepressant. It seems alright this way but I am still pretty sleepy this morning.

Yesterday I accidentally double booked myself and so my very full Thursday became a moderately busy day. Today I have cello at 10am, and haven't practiced much this week. At 1 I have an interview for the podcast. We had to reschedule yesterday's appointment because of the double booking. I'm not too nervous about it, but I always stay a bit nervous. I've had too many interviews with technical problems wherein the recording doesn't work properly. I use a software program that takes incoming skype audio and makes one track with both sides of the call, but it doesn't always work. That's the major issue I face every time that I set up for recording.

It should go smoothly anyhow. My plan certainly involves everything going as planned. I love doing the podcast, I wish I knew how to reach more people. I have a lot of work to do for the radio as well, this month. I have 3 interviews lined up for CKUT in two Wednesdays, I'll also be on as a guest next week. It's a lot of work, but not too much. It's nice to have goals that aren't strictly academic. Podcasting twice a month and doing CKUT once a month is enough to keep me busy when I'm not too busy. Mostly I'm pretty busy, but not stressing out busy. There are always three or four things to do/get done, there is no boredom here. It's like having 2 lists of things to do, the main list of must dos and the minor subsidiary list of other things to be done. There's always a song to be written or a floor to sweep, cello to play and a kid to raise, dishes to wash and yoga to do, theses to write and radio to produce. Never a dull moment.

shadeshaman
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Last seen: 23 hours 8 min ago
Joined: 01/13/2004

Pwetty!

I got my cool new earplugs today....and, yes, I'm on okc*pid.

mamanopajamas
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rebuilding, again
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Last seen: 5 hours 2 min ago
Joined: 05/29/2005

February the Second

1. egg white, kale & cheese scramble for breakfast - we're doing a 21 day Greens for Breakfast Challenge

2. when my son laughs, really truly laughs - it's a helluva sound

3. home school means if Mommy didn't go to sleep until after 3 am and then slept in until 10 am it is all ok

4. we have been getting dressed everyday instead of staying in our pjs

5. i am going to make homemade pizza for dinner tonight

6. the winds mean we can hear wind chimes, even if they are not ours - which I have hanging in my bedroom from my ceiling fan

7. having unpacked 3 boxes yesterday & going to unpack more today

8. nice, quiet days with my son in a house where we can move about freely and use the kitchen and living room and everything instead of staying in our teeny bedroom

9. Love never ends, it just shifts

10. writing

this manic mama
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Last seen: 10 hours 59 min ago
Joined: 03/12/2011

Thursday, the Second

Somehow It is both February and it is Thursday. Yesterday was a write off, sick day. So, of course, I face today feeling like I failed yesterday. I watched one episode of The Wire in the afternoon, but that was all I accomplished. Also, today is pretty jam packed so it can feel like I getting nothing done, whatsoever, just trying to get through the list of appointments. It will be a full day of not catching up on what I did yesterday merely trying to stay on top of today's tasks.

Okay, I interrupt myself to announce that I momentarily stopped typing and turned to glance at the calendar. Yep, I've done it again and double booked myself. So in a mad dash to sort out the order of my day I've actually cancelled out 1 of 3 appointments. This will certainly make the day a bit easier. I did indeed book 2 different things for 1pm. I hope I can reschedule my podcast interview later today and not have to raincheck for a different day/week. I'm pretty excited to talk to Barbara Stewart, author of the book Campie--that is terrific by the way.

The snow has been falling lightly for 2 days now. There must have been some freezing rain on Tuesday night because yesterday all my balcony furniture were encased in ice. It looks pretty funny, all this snow piled up high on the seat of a plastic lawn chair, and then the snow is encased under a sheet of ice. I touched the ice with my boot and some of it shattered like glass. I haven't been out of the house since Monday so I'm only assuming it is hell on ice out there. I really don't mind the snow. Sometimes I don't even mind the cold.

Ah, the cold. Barbara Stewart has a great way of writing about the Northern Alberta winter cold. In the book she ends up driving from B.C. to Grande Prairie to take a job as an oil rig camp cleaner. Her job was to change the beds, keep the floors and bathrooms clean, and to do the camp laundry and she describes her days in the camp trying to work invisibly amongst the camp's men. She also was in charge of taking out the kitchen trash. To do so she had to don several layers of coveralls, coats, gloves, and such in order to take the garbage out to the incinerator where she would burn up all the waste. She explains how much she loved going outside in frigid temperatures for a few moments of clear, sheer, cold and stillness. The cold, she says, slapped her across the face. And it does.

It's hard to forget yourself when you can feel yourself freezing. It puts you in the present, now. It clears away all the other things that don't matter. All that matters is the quiet, stillness, of a deeply frozen landscape and you in it. I like how Stewart talked about the cold. I'm from Northern Alberta, I know the exact landscape she describes. I know that cold all too well. That kind of cold does not happen in Quebec. I don't mean that I need to cold to come and slap me around and make me feel present. No, that's not it. But there is something so very calming about how quiet the cold can be. If heat is the process of atoms heating up and getting all excited and cold is the slowing and freezing of atoms I very much associate heat with cacophony and cold with quietude. That kind of quietude is very fragile. It waits to shatter. Once it starts to thaw there will be the sounds of cracking and melting, shifting and sinking, life returns and rivers flow. There will be birds, and other sounds of life. In the cold, there is no life and that is perhaps what makes the cold so special. It gives a moment of reprieve to contemplate our place in the world, distilled down to a simple equation: me + cold = dead. It doesn't take much. Life is as fragile as the quiet, still, cold. So, be here now.

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